Monsters and Critics columnist Liz Long recaps Married at First Sight, Season 11, Episode 17, The Grand Finale, with a little help from a glass of pinot (or two) …
Greetings my MAFS-Lovers! And welcome to your final recap of Married at First Sight Season 11! Lord, where do we begin with tonight’s reunion?
I’ll start by asking — Does anyone know who that one guy was who showed up tonight? You know, the one who was sitting next to Christina most of the time. He looked a lot like Henry, but lordy child, he did not sound or act like Henry!
Yes, my friends, in the words of our Bachelorette, Clare Crawley, Henry 2.0 “showed up” tonight.
Also showing up? How about everyone but Brett! Trust me, no love seemed lost.
A Reunion Update of our Season 11 Couples … Minus Brett
First, our virtual host Kevin Frazier–who usually comes out guns blazing–was a little more docile tonight. Sure, he asked Christina about Gay-TextGate, but the only real “heat” came when he told Brett off a little (Brett: “You can’t tell me how I felt.” Kevin: “I can tell you how you looked.”)
Brett was there (also virtually), but only for a small portion of the show. You see, he was perfectly fine showing up when it was his and Olivia’s turn. But boom! He was out quicker than you can say “Irish Goodbye” by the time the whole cast had to be on stage together. Brett has never done well in group situations, and we could wax and wane all day on why that is, but, oh where’s Olivia and Kevin Frazier when you need them … guys?
Olivia: “We learned the first rule is that if you’re an a**hole in real life you’re going to show up like that on TV.”
Kevin: “Are you calling him an a**hole right now?”
Olivia: “I think Brett is an a**hole sometimes, yeah.”
Thanks for handling that.
Speaking of Olivia, the update on her is that she is pissed off at the world right now and is deflated that she is no longer a fan favorite. Also, her friends take screenshots of whenever they match with Brett on Tinder (meaning that said friend also had to swipe right … odd?).
Olivia’s friends also show her their messages with Brett, and Olivia can’t stand his opening line — “Tell me something positive because I’m so down.” Olivia appears extremely angry at such banter.
Oh, Olivia. I have been on your team all season. Leave Brett a distant memory and don’t engage in his dating life. I know, I know. Easier said than done. But I want my spunky, happy-go-lucky Olivia back, okay? Just go hang with your new “cut-up crew” and you’ll be A-Okay.
Henry has newfound confidence at the reunion!
The next highlight of the night was Henry in and of himself. Who was that guy?! Anyone? Anyone?
Not only do we learn that Henry and Woody are secret BFFs who go drinking together without Miles(!), but we also learn that Henry has all the ladies sliding into his DMs and ol’ Rico Suave might just take one of them up on their offer to break his turtle out of its shell.
Henry 2.0 also came prepared to unleash on Christina, who by the way, wants you to know that she has been vacationing in Mexico and has a casual boyfriend who likes to travel. But Christina, you’re going to have to come with more than “I’m happy” to outdo ol’ Henry here.
Just some of Henry’s zingers tonight:
- (Discussing Brett) “I just read him to be who he was right off the bat.”
- (Further discussing Brett when Brett didn’t show for group portion) “Wish we could have seen ya Brett!”
- “Let me cut you off right there, Christina” and then mentions that he wasn’t “attracted to her for a number of reasons.”
- “My wedding guests said she talked to Christina’s guests saying Christina was 8 months ago in a five-year relationship with a married guy where they did toxic things to one another.” I wasn’t going to bring this up, but since I’m Henry 2.0 and all, might as well.
Christina is once again in tears, and we’ve seen these tears before, but I am still feeling bad for her. I don’t know why. I just do.
And, yes, I realize she admitted to holding the text over Henry’s head, but … yeah …
Let’s move on to something happier, yes?
Woody, Amani, Bennett & Amelia are all happy in love (still).
Kevin had no digs with this crew, and how could he? They’ve all been pretty much rock solid the whole season.
And just in case we didn’t know how much Woody is “showing up” for his Sweets, he surprises her by getting down on a knee and pulling out a diamond ring that was NOT paid for by the show. It was, of course, sweet, even if Woody was sweating the same amount of liquid that he made come out of my little eyeballs last night during that Decision Day ceremony.
Amani is all “every day he shows me how committed he is to me and I couldn’t be any more grateful.” And all across America, women said in unison, #WheresMyWoody?
Meanwhile, Amelia and Bennett report that they are happy in Virginia, living in practically a 2-room house, which, of course, is an upgrade from Bennett’s tiny house, so that’s a win.
Also, Bennett landed a job as a solar consultant (i.e., he helps people get solar energy in their house), and Amelia is loving her residency in family medicine. The best part about them tonight was their song they made up for Kevin — “Can you please recommend a good movie to me, Kevin, can ya can ya please?”
Glad to see these two are “calibrating to their new circadian rhythm” so well, even if they are only seeing about nine hours of each other– eight of those being sleep!
Karen & Miles – Still married or divorced?
Oh my, I almost started discussing the couples’ new house tours and realized I haven’t even discussed Miles and Karen yet! And these two are the ones I–along with many–are most curious about!
Well, first of all, Karen looked her most stunning yet, and Miles sat next to her as if he had finally won his trophy. Yes, my friends. It is apparently good to be Miles Williams.
Not only did he seem to have a best friend in host Kevin Frazier (“I was feeling your pain, Miles”), but he also is now “having his needs met.” Reading between the lines, Kevin assumes they consummated their marriage to which neither Karen nor Miles objected. So you go that everyone? MILES IS GETTING SOME! We think.
Miles is also getting about 200 DMs a day from women telling Miles he could do better than Karen.
Karen took this moment to have Miles announce on national television that he’s a happily married man. Miles dutifully obeyed. And here I thought it was supposed to be Karen being the bad puppy.
Oh well. They are happy, and I truly hope it works out for them.
The Williams and The Randalls are neighbors!
It just might help that Karen and Miles happen to now live about 20 steps away from The Randalls, who they see at least every other day. How cute.
All is well in MAFS-land–except if you’re Olivia–and call me crazy … but was anyone else thinking Henry and Olivia might go for drinks after the reunion?
Oh the voodoo that you do so well New Orleans.
That’s a wrap folks! It was a fun and jazzy season, and I enjoyed recapping it for you.
Til’ Season 12 my loves!
Married at First Sight airs on Wednesdays at 8/7c on Lifetime.