Monsters and Critics columnist Liz Long recaps Married at First Sight, New Orleans, Season 11, Episode 1103, It’s Not the First Time, with a little help from a glass of pinot (or two) …
Love is strange, folks! Especially if you’re Amelia and Bennett! And, as we saw tonight, strange can be a glorious thing! UNLESS, of course, your strange comes in the form of Christina and Henry, which, in that case, you are now neverending fodder for the phrase “that awkward moment when…” and it’s Godspeed kids. But we’ll get to that later.
Yes, my MAFS-Lovers, we have been blessed with another jam-packed episode of Married at First Sight, Season 11, which might officially go down as THE BEST SEASON EVER! Episode 3 did not disappoint. I think I even spied a former Real-Worlder! So pour a glass of wine. Rosé if you’re nasty. And let’s recap.
Amelia and Bennett know each other … and it’s alright!
Before discussing how Bennett ate a raw egg, I feel compelled to mention the relief I felt when Amelia revealed how she knows Bennett! I mean, we’ve only been tortured over this for a week now! I seriously woke up today as if it was Christmas morning, and when Amelia smiled and said she briefly met him at a party and LIKED him(!), well, I felt as if I had just opened my brand new Red Rider BB Gun.
All is right with the world. Not only did they like each other at this party, but Bennett charmed Amelia over credit card talk. Yes, I said credit card talk, but this makes sense, right? I mean, these two could talk about avocado toast and make it sound sexual. They are just high on life, man! Not only do these two speak in a language already uniquely theirs, but their friends and family all jive too!
“Bennett, what national park do you identify with?” ask the veiled bridesmaids. And you better believe Bennett had a solid answer!: Big Ben, of course! “Bennett, do you like Amelia’s armpit hair?” “I didn’t even notice it but yes, I would find that very sexy!”
Like Amelia’s armpits, their chemistry couldn’t be more natural. Heck, we even had the kid calling Bennett Uncle Ben by picture time! Yes, Bennett’s mom didn’t know Amelia’s name come speech time, but we also know mom has likely been dreaming of this monologue moment since Bennett called the trashcan by its first name, so I’ll cut her some slack. Bennett and Amelia took mom’s snafu in style, and something tells me Bennett’s six-month dry-spell is about to be up! Just be sure to brush those teeth at 12:35 a.m. to get all the raw egg out. (Ew! But way to show your love!)
Journeying over to the complete opposite of the naturalness spectrum … Enter Christina and Henry!
That Awkward Time when … Henry and Christina married!
Okay, guys, now we knew Henry was a shy dude, lacking in confidence. We even knew he struggled with eye contact. But could we have anticipated the awkwardness that was about to come our way?!? I mean, this was a whole new level.
Things didn’t start so bad. Henry’s pre-wedding gift included flowers(!), the one thing Christina was desperately craving from a man! And Henry just wants a girl with good hair and good shoes! SURE, Christina was a teensey bit high-maintenance before she walked down the aisle, but expectations have already been met, right?!! Plus, how about that cute little Grandma and her reaction to Henry?
But then, they meet. Aaaaaaaaaand, it’s AWKWARD. Now if I could guess Christina’s thoughts from the moment she first met Henry to the moment they left the aisle together, I’d imagine they’d go something like this:
This is my destiny. He gave me flowers! Wait. Why is he not looking at me? Does he not find me attractive? Like seriously, what is wrong with this dude. He seems like he’d rather marry the officiant than me. For real, now I’m just getting pissed so don’t mind me if I just tune out. Wait, what was that about Taylor Swift? And what was that poem about rosé? I’m obviously on a different level, so why not have a little fun, possibly corrupt him, and nab me a hubby. Bring it in boy, and let me kiss you! You’re MINE!
But Henry just keeps retreating … And retreating … And retreating some more.
As I throw ice at my TV hoping to break it for these two, Henry cracks this amazing joke: “I can’t wait to meet your family. Not for you to meet mine.”
That was it, guys. That was the joke. Christina finally just flat out asks: So do you think I’m attractive? Henry: “Yes, I’m sorry.” What’s more, Christina can’t even remember his name, but she doesn’t care. Bring it in for another kiss. She’s tired of waiting on a man!
At the reception, the awkwardness intensifies (if that is even humanly possible). We had the dance, which was night and day from Amani and Woody’s last week. We had the dad’s speech about toilet paper and paper towels. We even had talk about Christina’s missing earrings! And JUST when I thought it couldn’t get any worse, Christina lays this one on us: “I just got out of a five-year relationship nine months ago, so it’s been a year of loss.”
Well, folks. I’m at a loss. Can we just give me an IV of wine, and while you’re at it, bring in a random ex-Real-Worlder too? Trishelle Cannatella?!? Are you here! Well, speak of the devil.
Who knew Trishelle from MTV’s Real World, Las Vegas was one of Henry’s friends(!) and that she would be a part of the she-wolf pack Christina will have to face! Also part of that pack? Henry’s little BFF Kristen who was all sweet on the premiere episode but let the claws out tonight! Kristen enters the confessional with Trishelle (who might still be drunk from Las Vegas by the way), where she admits through slurred speech, “I will recognize the marriage. I won’t recognize the relationship.”
In the words of Miles: DAAAAAAANG!
Though Christina never recognized who Trishelle was, that didn’t stop Trishelle from hugging all over Christina on the dance floor. And just when I thought Henry might never speak up for anything, he shocked me when he told Trishelle to back off, something Christina found “sexy.” But it’s gonna take a lot more than that to save this “union,” I’m afraid. Call it a hunch. (Oh yeah, the season’s teaser also showed Henry referring to Christina as “dishonest,” so there’s that.)
Miles & Karen
I never thought I’d be so happy to see Karen and Miles in all my life! But why is everyone trying to sell Miles to Karen? Don’t reserve yourself too much, Miles! We don’t want that personality bottled up!
Karen is still stiff, lightening up only slightly around Miles’s parents (because how could you not?). But it wasn’t really until the hotel room where she seemed to finally think, hmmmm, maybe I SHOULD give my husband a chance after all.
“Do you rub feet, Miles?” she asks. Miles, practically jumping at the chance for any intimacy he can get with his new wife, replies, “It’s your world, Karen. (I’m just living in it.)” Oh Miles. Do you come in clones?
I will say one thing Karen IS doing right… she is leaving a little mystery for her husband and isn’t talking so much UNLIKE ….
Olivia & Brett
Olivia. Please, girl. STOP TALKING. Yes, you’re sweet. And, believe me, I’m rootin’ for ya! But for the love, girl, STOP.
You don’t have to sell yourself to his groomsmen who have already recognized that you’re way out of Brett’s league. So, please, just zip it. Also, stop low-key buddy-zoning your new husband! “Do you like Taco Bell?” Well, high-five to that!
Meanwhile, Brett is trying out his “sarcasm” on Olivia’s bridesmaids, which is falling on deaf ears because they have yet to receive the memo that bad humor is Brett’s love language. Just bring up the word “cats” and all will be well.
Now I gotta find a way to transition from Olivia and Brett to Amani and Woody and the only way I see fit is comparing some dance moves. First let me say, I loved the little parasol dances everyone did upon exiting the reception halls. In fact, each dance showed a lot about the couples’ personalities. So much so that I am making a formal request that Amani and Woody teach Olivia and Brett some dance moves. Like now. I’ll wait. Yeah, we know you like Lil’ Wayne, Olivia, but this can’t be it.
Amani & Woody
Though Amelia and Bennett took the cake for me tonight, I must recognize Woody and Amani, our original favorites.
The best parts about Amani and Woody tonight were, of course, their dance moves, but also when Woody talked with Amani’s two dads! These smiley and easy-going dads immediately embraced him as “son” which meant the world to Woody, who was vulnerable enough to tell them he doesn’t really have a pops to just call up and share good news with.
Amani and Woody are still going strong, and based on the season’s teaser, it looks like Woody might even tell Amani he is falling for her after Day 3. While this does concern me, I will remain optimistic! These two and (now) Amelia and Bennett are my two dream couples, and I will never give up on them! NEVER!!
Okay, so “that’s it.” But it feels like there’s just so much more to discuss. So please, tell me – what were your favorite parts tonight? Did you immediately recognize Trishelle as I did or am I just that Reality-TV crazed?
This season, it looks like Amelia and Bennett exchange “I love yous”(!) and drama ensues for Christina and Henry (shocker!) and dare I say it, Woody and Aman… nope. Not gonna say it.
For now… my love tank is full. I can rest easy knowing Amelia and Bennett are just fine. So in their honor, I shall don my finest golden nightgown and drift off to sleep as visions of raw eggs and sugar plums dance through my head.
Til’ next week, my MAFS-Lovers!
Married at First Sight airs on Wednesdays at 8/7c on Lifetime.
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