Monsters & Critics columnist Liz Long recaps Married at First Sight, Season 11, Episode 16, I Want a Divorce, with a little help from a glass of pinot (or two) …
Greetings my MAFS-lovers! And welcome to your weekly recap of Married at First Sight!
Our Season 11 journey has drawn to a close with this (almost) final episode, and what a fun adventure it was.
Sure, we all had our frustrations, but, overall, I am happy. Why? Well, because I got to witness the love story unfold of what is possibly one of the greatest MAFS couples of all time.
But before I get to that, how about we pour our red wine, or champagne if you so please, and let’s recap this Decision Day episode. And, yes, just so Olivia and Brett could endure a little more pain and suffering, all five couples were in attendance tonight.
Let’s just go in order, shall we, and save the best for last.
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Amelia & Bennett – Surprise! I got you a new ring … just kidding!
I think we all knew Bennett and Amelia would be a “yes” on Decision Day ever since these two said their “I Dos.” Of course, we were all thrown a huge curveball last week when Amelia told Bennett the primary reason she signed up for MAFS was to have the adventure of being on a reality TV show. But that didn’t phase this quirky duo on Decision Day.
In fact, Bennett even mentioned this in his voiceover tonight on all the reasons he loves Amelia.
He said, “She can walk on a slackline, she makes delicious cakes of my face, and she applied to be on Married at First Sight because she wanted this crazy experience to be on a reality show! But it’s been a serendipitous and lovely experience.”
And just to show how much he adores Amelia, Bennett pulls out this:
Yes, my friends, it’s not a new ring, but, in fact, a tattoo of Amelia’s initials near Bennett’s apex region.
What’s more, Amelia loved the “absurd surprise.” It is a fitting denouement for this couple that has been anything but traditional. And I’m here for it.
Off to Virginia for these two lovebirds! Like, seriously. They’re leaving right after the ceremony.
Olivia & Brett – Are we officially done now?
Good Lord, I guess it’s a contractual thing, but do Brett and Olivia really have to sit on the D-Day couch to once again say they have decided to get a divorce? The producers have spun this to say their appearance is “to answer lingering questions about their marriage,” but, it’s clear, Olivia is so over Brett and his a**hole ways.
When Olivia enters the room, Brett casually greets her with a “Hey hon,” and I’m annoyed by it just as much as she is.
As Olivia explained, “His hey hons don’t mean anything. They seem fake.”
That’s because they are. To be fair, I think I have spied about two moments when Brett has seemed sincere, but, yes, overall, he has lacked any sort of empathy and wherewithal to get that the vibe he is putting out is extremely off-putting.
Hence, the fact that he is sending “hey cute wifey” texts to an indifferent ex-wife who was over you three weeks ago! Wow, that took a turn.
This is supposed to be more of a love-fest article and not how Brett ruffles my feathers. I’ll just let Olivia say it:
“He’s kind of an a**,” said Olivia.
Brett says he wants to stay friends, Olivia is like, I don’t even know you, and I’m thinking Brett has already probably gone on 100 meaningless dates since he wiped out that pantry.
Miles & Karen – Yay! I think …
Okay, so Miles and Karen were probably our biggest question mark this whole season. They have been the source of most of our frustrations, with Karen unable to flat out tell Miles he’s not really doing it for her and Miles unable to recognize this and speak up about his needs.
But tonight, these two seemed like they finally were able to speak their minds.
Miles began with, “I don’t know if Karen will be able to fulfill my needs physically and emotionally.”
This was met with a somewhat agitated Karen who seemed like she was ready to pounce with a “Can I be frank? You don’t give me that emotional connection which makes me not want to kiss you, so we are not where I want to be either, nah-nah-nah-nah-boo-boo.”
Okay, so I paraphrased, but it went something like that.
Without any sort of transition, Dr. Pepper drops, “So what’s your decision?”
And thank goodness for the extended time these Season 11 couples got, because, apparently, for Miles and Karen, it was critical! Apparently, in the past few weeks, both have seen the growth that was needed for them to say “yes.”
They both feel this marriage “just started” and are willing to explore a little more.
I’m still stuck on Karen telling us she needs an Alpha “masculine” male 20 times this season and the fact that Miles is simply not the “alpha” type she is particularly looking for, but, ah well. Let’s chalk this up as a win for the experts. (Yes, I am truly rooting for them and if I follow any of their love stories after the show is over, these two are definitely ones to watch.)
Henry & Christina – You’re both kidding yourselves
“How are you Henry?” the experts innocently ask.
“Well, now that you’ve asked, I have the green light to jump into all the ways Christina has done me dirty. Christina accused me of having a same-sex affair! She threatened to hold it over my head! Take her toys away, mommy Pepper and daddy Cal!”
Again, I paraphrased.
But it has officially become a thing where Henry apparently doesn’t fully discuss his issues with Christina, but the minute he is in the company of others, he goes right into dropping Christina bombs.
Christina profusely defends herself by saying that she doesn’t think Henry is gay, and there was confusion over the text coming from a “text-free number” and how her phone apparently deletes messages every 30 days. Interesting. But I smell B.S. I mean, even Christina admitted that she has a tendency to lie.
Interestingly, Henry schools Christina on the way the text should have been handled (“Hey Henry I got this text, what is it all about?”) and I can only shake my head that this is Henry giving lessons on proactive communication styles.
It’s time these two call it a day.
And call it a day they did.
Woody & Amani – Best MAFS couple of all time?
Okay, now I can finally breathe.
Woody and Amani. The Randalls. AKA, the best MAFS couple of all time?
Dr. Pepper asked how they view love, and, I hope you had your tissues ready if you watched Woody answer.
Remember that face he got when he cried over his cousin’s speech at the reception? Well, now it’s back, but it’s in the context of his love for Amani. Woody? Take it away.
“I used to think of love as a thing, a being, a person. Now I’m looking at it for its routines, consistency, its security,” said Woody.
Amani? What do you have to add about love?
“That it can be unconditional. Of course, I knew you could have unconditional love for your family but with your spouse? I didn’t imagine this,” responded Amani.
Dr. Viviana is the first to lose it, and it was truly an endearing moment of hers.
The hits don’t stop there. Dr. Pepper then says that she believes love changes you and asks if they feel changed by this feeling of love.
Woody puts us all over the top with this one.
“I always wanted to be married, to have that happiness but I didn’t think I’d genuinely get it. Being married to Amani, everything I didn’t expect, I now have. It’s different,” Woody says.
And when he got out those words “it’s different” through his tears, I was crying — not even a pretty cry — and I (along with Amani and all three experts) am officially done for. What an ending for these two.
Amani says she is changed because Woody has opened her eyes to see so much more she hasn’t experienced. She can do anything now. And I’m ready to go run up some steps like Rocky Balboa I feel so dang good!
Pastor Cal is beaming. Their couples gold has been found in The Randalls, and it’s all just an incredible thing.
To The Randalls!
Okay, so all of our couples really got together to debrief about their Decision Days, and actually cheered to friendship.
However, I sense that Brett might not be so welcome in this friend group. After Amelia asked what he learned from the experience, he gave a decent answer, which Olivia noted was the most she heard him talk about his emotions.
Brett killed that by saying, “well you don’t ask any good questions.”
Aaaaaaaand all warm fuzzy friendship vibes just went down the toilet.
They’re back again because now all the little castmates are surprising Amelia and Bennett with a toilet-papered car as a friendly send-off to Virginia! And, yes, Brett is there too. So cheers to NOLA!
This was a cute little moment for our Season 11 castmates. They were truly a unique bunch. They started out with a bang, and while we might have all suffered through a bit of a quarantine fizzle, leave it to the Randalls to redeem the season for us.
And, with that, there is only one thing left to ask: Lifetime producers – how about a spin-off show for these two?
A girl can dream.
We’re not quite finished yet, MAFS-lovers! We still have the reunion episode where Karen is looking like a snack and host Kevin will no doubt ask the hard-hitting questions! Should be a fun one to watch! In the meantime, one more toast to The Randalls! And, hey, three-out-of-five ain’t bad.
‘Til next week!
Married at First Sight airs Wednesdays at 8/7c on Lifetime.