Monsters and Critics columnist Liz Long recaps Married at First Sight, Season 12, Episode 10, Third Week’s A Charm, with a little help from a glass of pinot (or two) …
Hello, my MAFS family. Last night’s episode felt a little different … sort of like the Married at First Sight days of yore. You know, when an expert comes to visit the couples, provides helpful advice, allowing the couples to have meaningful growth?
Of course, this wouldn’t be Married at First Sight Season 12 if Chris didn’t do something embarrassing to Paige … and we did, in fact, have that moment. And, yes, we are still dealing with this couple who should have been divorced a long time ago … but here we are. Trust me, I don’t like watching it just as much as you, but recap we must.
So let’s break it down.
Dr. Viviana visits the couples and we have some breakthroughs
Probably the biggest breakthrough of the night was with Briana and Vincent.
As we know, Champagne Vinny had his smoothness attacked last episode when Bri took him salsa dancing — the one dance he apparently can’t do. Add to that a few extra pounds, and Vinny had himself feeling inadequate.
However, he tells Dr. Viviana that he’s not a “delicate” creature. Rather, he just wants to impress his wife.
Dr. V seems to nail their issue on the head when she says you’re trying to be suave and she is not wanting perfect from you. In fact, Bri lights up telling him, it’s your quirks I love! As Champagne Vinny realizes it’s okay to be imperfect, he vows to do right by Bri — causing me slight concern that he’s not quite getting the whole “go easy on yourself” message, but that’s okay.
Because I absolutely loved their little blindfold game they played.
For the first time watching this season, I felt like I was seeing real love on my screen. Bri rubbing his bald head and Vinny laughing at her coming in for her goofy looking whip cream kiss. I was smiling ear-to-ear reminiscent of the smile I always had while watching Woody and Amani.
The only thing I couldn’t figure out was why they were surrounded by 50 dollar bills in their little love hut … I’d like to think this was for a striptease or something but the money was left a mystery.
Another breakthrough tonight came in the form of Clara crying to Dr. Viviana upon the realization that sex is basically just sex to her, and she now worries she won’t reach that level of sexual intimacy Ryan is apparently building up to.
Yes, Ryan still hasn’t given Clara the sex–he’s holding out until everything is basically perfect. Dr. V even went as far to ask Clara in private whether she thinks Ryan is a virgin. Clara quickly dismissed this and revealed they are doing everything but intercourse.
As Clara pointedly noted, “It’s his world. I’m just along for the ride. Or lack thereof.” Well done, Clara. I’m proud.
Haley isn’t ready for Dr. Viviana’s homework assignment
Haley and Jake could have had a breakthrough moment, but by the end of the episode, it seemed sort of clear that Haley is not ready to fulfill Dr. Viviana’s homework request.
You see, Haley also cried to Dr. Viv, telling her she felt as if she was the one in the beginning doing all the work and it was exhausting. Mixed in with the fact she isn’t really attracted to Jake, who, oddly, is taking on the persona of Sophie the Dog, and their chances at love are feeling quite dim.
Dr. V suggests that they, first, sleep in the same bed. Second, they need to act like a married couple, with a good morning and goodnight kiss!
The sex-expert is outdoing herself this episode, even stopping in the next day (yet wearing the same blue dress?) to chat with Haley to make sure she’s okay with this and to point out that Haley said in casting that she picks guys apart. Unfortunately, Haley concludes that Jake does not compliment her or her lifestyle, and by the episode’s end, the last thing Haley wants to do is allow Jake to give her that goodnight kiss.
Erik and Virginia had some breakthroughs of their own through a clever game of set the timer, talk about your issue, while the other can’t speak. Small doses of having those tough conversations is what Dr. V ordered. At the end of the day, Virginia and Erik are on opposite sides of the political spectrum, but at least they understand what is driving Virginia’s indecisiveness on wanting to have a kid (she lived with just her aunt at one point) and Erik’s trusting of guy friend issues (he has always been cheated on).
And this brings us to Chris and Paige.
Paige gets chicken and Mercedes gets a Benz
Oh Lord … seriously, Oh Lord. We are now doing Bible studies over fried chicken and cole slaw, and I have to give a shoutout to the editing real quick for playing gospel music while showing the outside of Chris and Paige’s–I mean just Paige’s–apartment.
Where to start with them this episode. First of all, it pains me that we are even talking about them right now. I appreciate that Paige says she wants to do everything she can to save this marriage, but that doesn’t make Chris’s blatant disregard of her and this marriage any less painful to watch.
To borrow from Paige, it’s “frustrating.”
Paige is not only sitting by the phone waiting on Chris to call her, but when he does show up, he greets her with an endearing “What’s up yo?” (Not once, but twice.)
He plays on the phone as Paige talks, tells Dr. V having to call Paige would be “forced,” and smirks the whole time telling Paige, “this is your house, yo.”
Wow, Paige. Whatever do you want to salvage here?
And becuase just a simple phone call feels “forced” to Chris, Paige decides to plot out their week – on paper – with columns of daily activites and “desired outcomes.”
I guess on Tuesdays they will do Bible study and Chris will “bring food.” But for their first Bible study, Paige ends up leading it while Chris couldn’t care less.
Maybe if Chris tells you, Paige, that he bought Mercedes a new Benz, that will make you leave? No? Okay then.
I don’t know what more he can do. Paige just gonna say “wow,” roll her eyes, and forget about it.
Til’ next Bible study, guys!
Married at First Sight airs on Wednesdays at 8/7c on Lifetime.