Monsters and Critics columnist Liz Long recaps The Bachelor Finale, Season 25, with a little help from a glass of pinot (or two) …
Oh hey there guys. Are you excited as me that tonight is the last night of Matt’s love journey? What a tumultuous season this has been. To top it off, our Bachelor decided that an engagement is just not in the cards for him.
Matt came to this conclusion after a conversation with his mom that went something like this: MATT’S MOM: Feelings fade. Love is not the end all be all. (*Gives Matt a look.*) … MATT (The Bachelor who signed up for this love journey): Deuces everyone. I’m out.
Okay, so it wasn’t QUITE like that. But it felt like it. And right up until the final rose ceremony, Matt was wishy washy all over the place!
T-Minus Four Days Until Proposal
So with Rachael and Michelle left as Matt’s final two ladies, we still entered the night knowing full well who Matt would choose so, quite honestly, the show felt like a giant turd to begin with.
But let’s watch both ladies meet Matt’s mom Patty (a more fabulous Glenn Close from Cruella look-a-like? Someone please help me because I can’t place it! She’s stunning don’t get me wrong). The ladies also met Matt’s brother, who was set on being the family member who lost their calling as a human lie detector.
Michelle and Rachael, however, passed his “vibe test” and even Patty told Matt how great she found both women. But Patty still wanted to know, “does saying ‘I love you’ mean you have to propose?” A fair point, mom. But, you see, Bachelor Nation has grown accustomed to certain things–one of them being … we now expect a full-blown proposal by season’s end or we ain’t happy!
Okay, I went off track.
Mom then points out that feelings can fade, and Matt took this and ran with it … all the way to Chris.
Matt confides in Chris that he’s not ready
Matt then tells Chris that he’s not ready for an engagement.
Naturally, Chris is confused by this news given that Matt has been repeatedly saying throughout his journey that “he can see his wife in this room.” Again, we as Bachelor Nation understand this is a canned phrase the lead must say at some point … but dang it, Matt … don’t say it if you’re not going to mean it.
And if you did mean it, why should one warning from mom have you running for the hills? Matt stresses that he doesn’t want the same outcome as his mother and father’s relationship, which is noble BUT… I just keep circling back to …. well, um … didn’t you sort of know all this going in? Like, weren’t these concerns of yours before you signed up for a show that typically ends in a proposal? I’m coming to the conclusion that Matt was simply not ready for this journey.
Anyway, wishy Matt decides, well there’s three days left, so I owe it to the ladies to find out for sure if I want an engagement.
Matt takes Michelle rappelling before dumping her
Poor Michelle. Matt has her rappel off the side of the building, a mere day after expressing to Chris that this isn’t what he wants. But, rappel away!
Michelle then gives Matt a gift (which we know is what they’re supposed to do at this final date … usually it’s a scrapbook of some sort, but poor Michelle is tasked with giving him “Mr.” and “Mrs. James” jerseys.
Matt looks at them with disgust. Or regret. Fear perhaps? I can’t tell. His facial expression has pretty much been the same all episode.
Matt tells Michelle he can’t see himself with her, earning the lovable school teacher her badge for the “I deserve better club” right alongside Katie, Abigal, and Bri. (Sorry, Matt, but we really need to work on your send-offs.)
Matt denies Rachael a final date
But, hey. At least Michelle got a final date. Rachael didn’t even get that. Instead, Chris Harrison comes knocking on Rachael’s door to tell her that Matt doesn’t want to see her.
Rachael proceeds to pace around her hotel room in black leather leggings with this weird mix of smirky smile/cry going on … I’m not sure (frankly, I’ve failed to see a real connection with Matt and ANY of these ladies — my mind is still stuck on Tayshia and Zak’s palpable love).
Regardless, Matt goes and sees Neil Lane becuase, hey, maybe HOLDING a diamond ring will force him into love … real love. Not the apparent fake “love” term we’ve been tossing around all season.
Matt has the same look of horror with Neil as he has all episode but he decides he’ll take that pear-shaped ring after all … should the proposal mood strike him.
Matt tells Rachael to “Meet him by the lake”
“Matt” sends Rachael a final date card (peculiarly written in that exact same popular girl handwriting “Chris” has for fantasy suite date cards), and Rachael is to meet Matt “by the lake” …. so ominous, right?
Just as I was thinking things were teetering into Lifetime movie-land, we get a closeup of just Chris Harrison’s feet walking toward Matt in the hazy woods … by the foggy lake, and it’s as if The Bachelor Season 25 has become a horror flick right before my eyes.
Rachael pulls up in her Chevy, and Chris gives his last pep talk of the season (if not ever—sigh), and Rachael tells Chris she is ready to confess her love all over again to the man who doesn’t know what the heck he wants.
Alas, Matt tells her … well, I’ll just let this Tweet do the talking:
They’re going to be friends, guys! Or go steady. I don’t really know, guys – I just know I’m feeling like I need to purge this season from my Bachelor life.
And with that, I bid thee ado. Obviously, we all know Rachael and Matt didn’t make it (shocker). Michelle will be (one of our) next Bachelorettes. Tayshia and Kaitlyn will be co-hosting. And I will be taking a big ol’ snooze. That or a cold shower.
I could sure use one right about now.
You and me both, MelCarmichael4. You and me both