Monsters and Critics columnist Liz Long recaps The Bachelorette, Season 16, Episode 8 with a little help from a glass of pinot (or two) …
Well Rose Lovers! As Kermit the Frog once said, it ain’t easy being green. And as we found out tonight, it certainly ain’t easy being a regular, fun dude on The Bachelorette.
Yes, my friends. Spoiler Alert: Eazy went home tonight in what was presumably a total blindside moment for him … but for Bachelor Nation? Nah.
I mean, we know the way to a rose these days is through a sob story the second you sit down at the dinner table. And if you don’t come to discuss the heavy, then you might as well not even step out that limo. Eazy was doomed from the start … with a name like Eazy after all.
Tayshia & Eazy have a haunted one-on-one
It didn’t start out so bad tonight for these two. Tayshia chose Eazy for a one-on-one ghost hunt throughout the La Quinta where Eazy displayed one of the cutest scared screams that ever existed in a man.
His cuteness carried on after the hunt, as he told Tayshia, “I will say this – this is a cute ass date.”
But then he sat down to the dinner table of doom where tissue boxes are the main course and uneaten steaks are a thing of the past.
Eazy’s doom was not just the fact that he had a completely fun, light and breezy date with Tayshia (as perhaps a first date should be)! No. He went straight into telling Tayshia he is falling in love with her PRE-sob story!
And our well-versed Bachelorette, dressed in green, knew that without that sob story, it just can’t be.
If you would have just shared one bully story from high school, Eazy! Or even maybe that you have a college sports injury that flares up from time to time … anything! Anything might have sufficed. But no. Eazy had to go and play it all light and fun. For shame!
“What an art day!” – Ben’s awkward group date moment
On the other hand, Ben is soaring to new Bachelorette heights with his embracing the constant need of these Bachelorettes to “be bold.”
Yes, in what might have been the most uncomfortable moment of the season, Ben showed Tayshia all of him–and I mean all of him–on the group art date.
“Tayshia, this is me. My body. For you. It’s yours.”
Ben also shared that he used to have an eating disorder and in no way do I make light of this (Tayshia has been amazing navigating the heavy!), but it just seems traumatic life events are the things you need to share to advance past the next rose ceremony.
I mean come on, Rose Lovers! As between Eazy and Ben, who does Tayshia have more natural chemistry with? Remember just having a good ol’ fun time?! Why is that a bad thing?
Anyhoo, I digress. I love this freaking show and the therapy session on the art date is just par for the good ol’ Bachelorette course.
By the way, how ’bout Blake’s artwork of the turtle doves?! By far the best!
Three cheers to you Blake and also your quip “this is the third time I’m getting naked on this journey and I’m not down for that.”
In other news, Zac C. is still a major frontrunner after his own one-on-one. And I have a feeling he’ll be around until hometowns, so there’s still plenty of time to gush over him and his cute moments.
“Beautiful is not an accurate word for this circumstance. There needs to be another word created to describe her.”
“Let me tell you a secret, Tayshia. You have this breathtaking thing going on so get used to it.”
Okay, so I had to squeeze in two.
Next week, Bennett and Young Noah fight to the death on the dreaded two-on-one with Tayshia. Well, it’s not really a formal two-on-one. But JoJo (our Chris Harrison fill-in for the night) ordered it, and so by golly, they shall fight it out! Or just give each other presents of socks to uniquely insult the other. Ah how I love this damn show.
Til next week, my Rose Lovers!
The Bachelorette airs on Tuesdays at 8/7c on ABC.