Monsters and Critics columnist Liz Long recaps The Bachelorette, Season 16, Episode 7 with a little help from a glass of pinot (or two) …
Rose-Lovers, what the heck just happened? I mean, we were cruising right along on tonight’s episode!
Tayshia was being a kissing-bandit, asking all the right questions, and really allowing us to get to know these men! Heck, she even reminded me of the movie There’s Something About Mary in the way she had all the men lusting over her with her knack to make each man feel truly special.
And just like a ton of bricks that are as heavy as that gargantuan sundae “T” shared with Ivan, the ghost of Clare hit.
Tayshia Cancels the Cocktail Party!
“THE COCKTAIL PARTY IS CANCELED, BOYS!”
Eeks! Them’s fightin’ words we recognize all too well from previous episodes when Clare was our “Queen.”
But, tonight, the reason for the canceled party wasn’t because of Dale tunnel-vision. Nope. Tonight’s canceled cocktail party was a result of that little troublemaker who Bennett refers to as “Young Noah.”
You see, Noah suggested to Tayshia that the other men in the house believe the only reason she gave Noah a rose was for the “show of it all,” thereby attacking her integrity. And much like Clare wasn’t having any of the guys besides Dale, Tayshia wasn’t having this.
Throw in about five “show ups” on Tayshia’s alone time with Ben tonight, and I’m left quivering.
Clare-Bear, is that you? Did you tell our Tayshia there is a quota to say the words “show up” this season? Did you tell her to cancel the cocktail party on a whim without giving the men any time to explain themselves? Did you tell her to emphasize the need for these men to be … “bold”?
Okay, okay. So it’s not as bad as it seems. It’s just that this emotional moment for Tayshia was out of character for her easy breezy attitude that we’ve come to know and love. I was afraid it might have even given our men a little pause … or at least a little flashback they could do without.
But I remain hopeful that Tayshia will continue being the lovable Bachelorette she is. She is too great all around, and it’s natural to have a little set back from time to time.
After all, we NEED this contrived drama because, otherwise, this just wouldn’t be The Bachelorette! I mean, come on, if the double secret mission where both Ben and Ed snuck out at 2:30 am to find Tayshia didn’t tip us off that production will stop at nothing for a little contrived humor, then may we all have our memberships to Bachelor Nation revoked!
By the way, those who went home tonight included the Boy Band manager, last week’s drama-starter Chasen, and two other guys whose names shall remain forever unknown.
On the other hand, the winners of the night were: 1) Zac C., the group rose winner, aka the Matthew McConaughey look-a-like who sounds a lot like Nick Viall; 2) Ivan, the one-on-one date winner, who displayed a depth we normally don’t see around these parts; and 3) Chris Harrison himself for his crab legs moment and willingness to share a bottle of red with Ed after Ed failed to find Tayshia’s presidential suite. Well played, Chris Harrison. Well played.
Next week, Bennett continues to stoop to levels he shouldn’t as he fights on another day with Young Noah. Bennett, you’re better than this drama. In case you forgot, it’s a new day. Tayshia’s our queen now. So step away. You are meant for more than your undoubted spot on Bachelor in Paradise.
Til’ next week, my Rose-Lovers! Let’s do the damn thing! Oh wait. That was Becca Kufrin’s season. And, yes, she appeared tonight and managed to sneak in the word “damn,” but I can only deal with one Bachelorette ghost at a time.
The Bachelorette airs on Tuesdays at 8/7c on ABC.