Monsters and Critics columnist Liz Long recaps The Bachelor Season 25, Episode 4, with a little help from a glass of pinot (or two) …
Step right up, folks! It’s The Bachelor 2021! A circus show! What Chris “HAIR-ah-Sun” (Victoria’s pronunciation) might call “The Greatest Show on Earth!” but what our star, Matt James, might call “Get me the hell out of here!! I did not sign up for this s**t!”
Yes, my friends. We have entered a whole new level of shameless antics by ABC to inject that extra level of drama. But do we, Bachelor Nation, need it? Do we even want it?
I’m having my doubts.
“Queen Victoria” is still here
First, we still have the “Queen” here after what … four weeks now? Matt looked defeated at the first rose ceremony he had to keep her, and, now, it’s as if he has just given up.
I, too, felt numb when he handed her the rose this episode. I’m in the grieving stage of acceptance I suppose.
Then, we have women, who have barely had their time to shine (but deserve that time!) all because the season is overshadowed by mean girl mob mentality.
Take, for example, our beloved Abigail who is getting lost in the shadows! Or how about Katie! The real Queen of the season!
And because Matt has barely had any time with these two, what does ABC do? They throw in five new ladies! Matt meets them but there is no pep in his step. No prayer. No light in his eyes. (Well, that excludes Michelle, but more on her later.)
Matt meets five new ladies!
Welcome to hell, newbies! You should know, this stopped being a journey for actual love a long time ago.
Chris says he’s bringing in these women because there are just too many who want to meet Matt. I say this is an ABC conspiracy! Case in point: They bring in a real Queen to stand off to the fake one.
And, lo and behold, they bring in a girl (Brittany) who just happens to know Anna, or someone who Anna has previously been warned about, because, you know, they’re both from Chicago and that’s such a small town and all.
Anna questions new girl Brittany (a model) about whether she’s an escort, to which Brittany denies. But the damage is done, Anna. You spread your little vicious rumors around the house and continued to laugh giddily with Victoria all the while. Ugh.
You know what. I welcome the new women at this point! Bring them on!
New girl Michelle is a breath of fresh air!
Indeed, Matt shifts from defeat to joy when he chooses newbie Michelle (a teacher!) for his one-on-one. And she is such a breath of fresh air. They really do hit it off, and I’m like just go ahead and float away in that hot air balloon with Michelle, Matt, and save yourself!
Back at the house, I am thanking my lucky stars (and this here pinot) for the woman that is Katie.
Katie–the one who stood up for Sarah when no one else did. Katie–the girl who shall never be called “vibrator girl” again because she doesn’t deserve that disrespect. Katie. The woman who supports other women and stands for the underdog!
She grows increasingly annoyed with every passing mean girl jab to the point where she has to tell Matt. And, girl, I don’t blame ya! This wasn’t a “she’s here for the wrong reasons” kind of thing. This was a “hey Matt, the house back there I’m living in? Yeah, it’s extremely toxic and there are rumors that could literally ruin people’s lives.”
Well that got ol’ Mattie Boy’s attention! And rightfully so.
Next week, salvation is coming because I do believe our Bachelor is going to clean house and send the mean girls packing! We hear him say, if you need to put someone down to make yourself shine, that is not the qualities I’m looking for in someone.
Enough is enough. Matt and Bachelor Nation deserve better. Are you ready, folks? Or did you bail three s**t shows ago?
Til’ next week Rose-Lovers! The times–they are a’changin!
The Bachelor airs Monday nights at 8/7c on ABC.