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The Bachelor Red Wine Recap: You can’t sit with us, Sarah!

The Bachelor Victoria confronting Sarah
Sarah took a beatdown from her housemates, including “Queen Victoria,” on last night’s The Bachelor. Pic credit: ABC

Monsters and Critics columnist Liz Long recaps The Bachelor Season 25, Episode 3, with a little help from a glass of pinot (or two) …

Oh so many emotions, tonight, Rose-Lovers. The Bachelor has gone from the “Victoria Show” to the “Sarah Show” real fast. Remember Matt James? Yeah. He was only the star for the premiere.

So while Sarah stays hunkered down in her room upstairs, and the remaining girls wax overdramatically about how Sarah has ruined their lives, let’s recap.

From The Victoria Show to the Sarah Show

It’s a weird day when the other girls in the house side with Victoria over how “toxic” another housemate is.

It’s even weirder when Sarah–just one precious episode ago–goes from being a major front-runner to what some might call a “stage-five clinger”?!

The Bachelor Matt James consoling Sarah after she fainted
Are you okay, Sarah? I’ll save you from these women. Pic credit: ABC

You see, Sarah fell victim to the condition frequently found at The Bachelor mansion … a condition known as “I’ve had a great one-on-one date, and now the lead (who is supposed to date 24 women at once) can’t date anyone else.”

I get it, Sarah. I would find it hard to shut down your strong feelings as well. BUT … this is The Bachelor, my dear.

And, yes, dates where we talk about sex happen (“inappropriate” or “empowering” as they may be). Ashley I. was there for it. Chris Harrison was definitely there for it, and by all accounts, so was every single woman in the house … except for Sarah.

The Bachelor host Chris Harrison looking surprised while Ashley I cringes
You better believe I’m here for it, Liz! I write sex books! Pic credit: ABC

Poor, poor Sarah.

This episode had me all conflicted.

We had mean girls accusing Sarah of fainting on purpose to get more time with Matt, but then we had Sarah thinking she signed up for some show other than The Bachelor. When it’s all said and done, however, there’s only one true toxic “lady” left …

The Bachelor drama-starter Victoria talking to other girls about Sarah
“She is LITERALLY toxic, you guys. Nevermind me.” Pic credit: ABC

Yes, “Queen Victoria” was all too eager to lead the charge on “let’s bully Sarah out of the house.” Phrases like “You wronged us. Come downstairs and face the mess you made” were seriously thrown around.

Sarah, trying to apologize to the women for stealing time couldn’t compete! In fact, it became a 23 on 1 mean girls situation. When Sarah did finally come down to listen to the group date card, it was all…

via GIPHY

What the heck happened?! When did these girls suddenly grow a “backbone.” Not one of them stepped to “the Queen” for the past two episodes. Yet when poor Sarah “steals 5 minutes” of Matt’s time, it’s suddenly a “she’s toxic and must go” emergency situation?! And it was ugly, my friends.

Alas, with five minutes of the episode to spare, there was one out of the bunch who could lend an empathetic ear.

None other than vibrator girl, herself — Katie!

The Bachelor's Katie talking to Sarah about her dad dying
“Vibrator girl” Katie finally lends a listening ear to outcast Sarah. Pic credit: ABC

Now I question if she is a “bank marketing manager” “sex therapist” or vying for Chris Harrison’s position, but she finally sat next to Sarah to ask if she was okay.

And when Sarah revealed that her dad might only have months to live, Katie (unfortunately) related because her dad recently passed and she didn’t get that goodbye.

Katie then reminded the ladies to “keep it classy” but I’m not too optimistic. We still have the thorn in the mansion (when oh when will this schtick be up), and all the women (even MJ by golly!) who have fallen prey to the ugliness that can lurk within The Bachelor walls.

Sarah tells Matt she’s going home. And like him, I’m just left feeling sad. She was, in fact, bullied out of there, despite what the girls might try and convince themselves.

I can’t even end this recap on a snarky, light note, you guys. It was just that defeating. Sarah, you got any room in that limo? I think you and I could use a drink, sister.

Actually, I will end it on a light note. Serena P. got the one-on-one and just to be clear: She entered the date unsure of her feelings for Matt. Then, during the date, she confirmed “she was falling in like with him” (how cute), and by supper time, she declared she “could see herself falling in love with him!”

The Bachelor Serena P. smiling on date with Matt James
What can I say, Liz? He’s a stud. Pic credit: ABC

So stew on that.

Til’ next week, my Rose-Lovers! In the meantime, might I suggest stocking up on your beverage of choice? Something tells me we’re going to need it. Five new ladies arrive and we finally learn who the possible “paid escort” is. Victoria is going to look like an angel here soon, folks! Ay-Yi-Yi.

The Bachelor airs Monday nights at 8/7c on ABC.

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