Monsters and Critics columnist Liz Long recaps The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, Season 12, Episode 11, The Weight of Words, with a little help from a glass of Champs (or two)….
Hello, my Housewives! We had ourselves a little episode last night, didn’t we?
Not only did Kathy Hilton finally arrive, but Jamie Lee Curtis showed up, Dorit fangirled, and Erika got weird.
I mean, would it be RHOBH Season 12 otherwise?
It’s Christmas time in Beverly Hills, friends, so grab your Golly Gasms to drink, and let’s recap!
We started last night’s episode with Kyle’s charity lunch, and lo and behold, who is the first to arrive?
Dorit fan-girls over Jamie Lee Curtis
Why it’s none other than Kyle’s ol’ Halloween acting buddy, Jamie Lee Curtis!
And while we had Diana casually matching Kyle’s $25,000 contribution (to Kyle and Jamie’s charity), the most entertaining portion of the evening was Dorit fangirling over Jamie.
As Jamie pulls dollar-store items from her goodie bags, Dorit is all, “Wow! A dog leash, Jamie?! It’s so chic.”
“A plastic license plate holder. OMG. Jamie. You shouldn’t have.”
“Is that a crumb at the bottom of the goodie bag? Tres tres chic.”
I honestly couldn’t tell if Dorit was trying to be funny or if she was for real. I lean toward the latter.
Sutton and Diana truly connect
While Dorit was the most entertaining, the biggest breakthrough at the lunch concerned Sutton and Diana’s relationship.
We all know these two have been butting heads, mostly around Sutton allegedly trying to ‘one-up’ Diana’s miscarriage. (I see your miscarriage, and I raise you two, according to Diana.)
Now, I don’t know if it was the group learning how recently Diana’s miscarriage was mixed with Diana’s tears or that Sutton was up against Kyle, Dorit, and Diana all sitting on one couch facing her, but Sutton reached a breakthrough with Diana.
“I take accountability for 95% of the bad of what has happened in our relationship, and I’m sorry,” said Sutton (who 5 minutes prior said she was done apologizing).
The ladies agreed to take a “time out,” and all was well again. I’m still a Sutton Stan, though, and so is Jamie Lee.
Erika gets weird about Crystal’s eating disorder
It wouldn’t be an RHOBH episode if we didn’t have two parties in one episode. And our evening party portion occurred at Diana’s house where Golly Gasms are the drink of choice!
Crystal dresses like the Grinch, Erika dresses like a Cruella, and Diana’s husband dresses like Rinna!
While Dorit and Sutton are not there because of COVID-19, we have none other than Mrs. Hunky Dory herself, one Ms. Kathy Hilton!
Honestly, Kathy’s “Kathy-isms” occurred earlier in the episode when Kyle had “lunch” at Kathy’s house, and the only thing served up was a single baked potato on a platter.
However, said potato was served with $1000 worth of caviar on top, so there’s that.
Back to the other ladies, namely Crystal.
Crystal opened up more about her eating disorder this episode, and someone better keep Erika away from her because Erika is about to deliver a choice of words that will leave a bad taste in everyone’s mouths.
Where is that Erika? Is she getting another Golly Gasm?
Oh, there she is. Asking Diana’s 22-year-old son Innis if he’s married.
Someone stop her!
She finds Crystal, and after Garcelle tells Crystal that she looks thin and Crystal gets uncomfortable, remarking how it’s been hard around all the holiday food, Erika starts in.
Erika: “I’m going to be really ignorant for a second. Is it you eat and feel guilty or you deny yourself eating it?”
Crystal: “Eat and feel bad. I want to get rid of it.”
Erika: “Well, I always think, ‘take laxatives and get rid of it.'”
[Insert pause that was longer than the time it took for Jamie Lee to kiss Kyle’s head.]
Garcelle: “Wow.”
Crystal: “Wow. … Wow.”
Garcelle: “It’s really the most inappropriate thing at the most inappropriate time.”
That’s not all folks. She keeps going.
Erika: “Where you would rather vomit it up, I would rather poop it out. … I need another drink.”
Crystal wonders if Erika was honestly trying to be helpful or if she WAS drunk. All I know is it was just messy.
So that about does it, folks. The episode was “To Be Continued” as if we were in the midst of some major drama, but Erika’s clumsy words are just par for the course these days.
You hear that, Diana?! It’s Erika with the clumsy words. Not Sutton. ‘Til next week, my Housewives-lovers!
The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills airs Wednesdays at 8/7c on Bravo.