Monsters and Critics columnist Liz Long recaps 90 Day Fiancé: The Other Way, Season 2, Episode 11, Fight, Pray, Love, with a little help from a glass of pinot (or two) …
Greetings, my 90-day Lovers. Is it possible our prayers this week have been answered? You see, for the past two weeks, I’ve been nestled under that gigantic Jesus statue in Mexico, praying that the TLC producers awaken me from this Other Way Season 2 coma!
Yes, as many of my faithful 90-Day Lovers have pointed out, this season has taken a wrong turn to Snoozeville. But for the love of all that is holy, I do believe some prayers were answered tonight! We had proposals! We had Jihoon and Deavan smiling! And we had Brittany and Yazan praying! But dangit, then they had to rehash the past again, and now we have a missing kid. Surely Cheesestick isn’t still talking about his cheating scandal… Ah, dangit to heck, he is. Well, at least we had proposals!!?
As I pour my wine and fight to stay in this game, let us embrace the good (and bad) that was Episode 11. If nothing else, let us embrace the pinot. So put on your best denim shirt, and let’s recap!
Kenny & Armando: Just Say Yes!
We begin tonight with a cute moment: Kenny tells Armando he is going to the bank to open an account. But he wants to do it on his own! This, of course, is all a cover-up because Kenny’s beautiful blonde crew of daughters (Taylor and Cassidy) are flying in to witness Kenny popping the question!
As half of me worries, omg this is too soon–no one has even met each other yet!–another part of me is delighted seeing the big smiles on Taylor and Cassidy’s faces.
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I mean, Lord knows I’ve been agonizing over this crew ever since Kenny departed them in Florida during that tearful goodbye. Hey, guys … I’m scared to ask: but how’s little Coop doing? On second thought, don’t tell me!
I’m taking comfort in hearing Kenny’s soothing voice say: “I can’t marry him fast enough,” and, oh yeah, this amazing moment:
Is it premature to shout: WE HAVE BEEN SAVED from the Snoozefest!? I feel this moment made it all worth it!
Kenny proposed to Armando and what’s more … he said YES! But wait there’s more! His daughters were on top of the cliff with confetti guns … well, actually, there were a whole bunch of people there with confetti guns. And, yeah, I don’t know who all these people are, but they were there dammit, and it was awesome!
Tears of joy, tears of support, and yes, Kenny, I’m convinced, this was the right moment to pop the question. That’ll do, guys. That’ll do.
Yazan & Brittany: It’s Ultimatum Time
It almost feels wrong to talk about the rest, but I am a faithful little recapper, and so discuss I must. Oh, the things I do for my 90-Day Lovers. Chug up, guys. We’re gonna get through it.
Tonight wasn’t all awash for Brittany and Yazan. Well, wait a minute. It was precisely that.
You see, to show her level of seriousness, Brittany learned how to wash her face–five times in fact–and how to pray for money. Seriously, though, guys, Yazan said this was okay. And things were looking good for these two. They had a nice day at the mosque, Brittany wore a very stylish hijab, and the best part? She didn’t lose any eyelashes while doing so!
Yazan, on the other hand, prayed for marriage with Brittany, and, he’s so tired of waiting for it, he’s just gonna go ahead and slap a 3-day ultimatum on her.
“You have three days to convert to Muslim.”
Now hold up, Yazan. That’s not what Godfather Uncle said two weeks ago. Also, that’s not what you promised Brittany. Nevertheless, Yazan confirms, Brittany doesn’t have to be Muslim. But his WIFE does. Ouch. Them’s fightin’ words, Yazan. And Brittany’s not here for that. In fact, she’s out. And you better believe she’s not going home to read her Quran. But in a strange turn of events, they work it out… Over … wait for it …. wait for it … a pinky promise. (Because we’re adults.) And what’s even more strange, it worked. Just one little snafu here guys … Brittany’s still marri…
Nope. I’m not going to go there. We all know it. It’s tired. Let’s just rest on that pinky promise for now.
Deavan & Jihoon: Crap! Where’s Drascilla?!
The other couple who tricked me into thinking everything was great only to revisit the same tired argument tonight were … you guessed it!
But first, is that happiness I spy in the car? And I’m sorry, but did Deavan start out by saying she has only been in Korea “a few days”!?! Dear God, where’s the wine.
I’m not even sure if we’re in Deavan’s car. The kids are happy, and there are smiles in the front seat! But, oh no. I spoke too soon. Deavan’s mom is joining Jihoon’s parents in another car and suddenly–in a wild turn of events– Deavan and Jihoon are the “fun car”!??
They’re all set off for a great, fantastical place known as Deavan and Jihoon’s Temporary Apartment! It’s a happy land, where walls have fresh pastel paint, beds are made, and clean playgrounds are right outside! In fact, both families go out to the playground and, for a moment, all is right with Korea.
Little Drascilla is covering herself in sand… Jihoon’s mom even takes responsibility for the bad first day… and it’s bright and sunny outside!
Then, it suddenly turns dark (and no joke, guys, it went from like broad daylight to midnight real quick), and Deavan’s mom decides she can’t stand this happiness anymore. As she busts out the translator from hell and I do a slow-motion run to my TV screen screaming “NOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!” … it’s too late.
Not only do I have red wine spilt all over my white t-shirt, but I also have mass confusion playing out right in front of me on my TV screen. Bloody hell. You had to go there didn’t you mom? And YOU had to add fuel to the fire, didn’t you translator?
Jihoon’s mom is instantly reverted to her old ways, smiling wickedly out of the perverse pleasure she’s getting from the translator confusion … and Drascilla!? Oh crikey. Where is Drascilla? Can someone go save the child!? Jihoon sprints off faster than Colton Underwood hopped the fence. This part of our journey is to be continued… but finally…
Tim & Melyza: It’s Not Easy Being a Cheating Cheesestick
Secondly, is it just me, or is Cheestick’s cheating scandal old … like moldy cheese old. To break it up, Tim will tell May-Le-Zah’s dad about his infidelity issues tonight just so TLC can torture us some more. While I’m left thinking that the only one who might care about Cheestick’s storyline is a hungry mouse, I’ve come to realize that I, for one, could give a rat’s a**.
TIM: “I did bad things.”
Pop’s image of Tim has changed. Tim is crying. And I feel bad for cheestick. But not bad enough to long for that light cerveza no one has touched.
Ah well. Next week, Jenny and Sumit come back, and buckle-up, because I think we’re in for another conversation with the parents. Also, Jihoon and Deavan cry on the playground but there’s no Drascilla in sight?! Ari and Bibi also face some, shall we say, baptismal surprises. In the meantime, I’m going to rewatch Armando’s face after Kenny popped the question to wash away the pain the rest of this crew has put me through tonight … And just in case you need to do the same …
‘Til next week, my 90 Day Lovers!
90 Day Fiancé: The Other Way airs Monday nights at 9/8c on TLC.