RHOBH Red Wine Recap: So that’s it, Crystal?! That’s the ‘dark’ comment?!

Garcelle learned what Sutton's "dark" comment was on last night's episode of RHOBH, and she's still perplexed. Pic credit: Bravo
Garcelle learned what Sutton’s “dark” comment was on last night’s episode of RHOBH, and she’s still perplexed. Pic credit: Bravo

Monsters and Critics columnist Liz Long recaps The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, Season 12, Episode 5, In Hot Water, with a little help from a glass of pinot (or two) …

Hello, Housewives-Lovers. On last night’s episode, we uncovered the truth about Sutton’s alleged “dark” comments.

And I hope you are ready for them … because they are SUPER dark.

The episode was titled “In Hot Water” because the comments circulated around kids of different races being in a jacuzzi. And Sutton thought this is how it should be.

And if you are waiting for more … that’s it. That’s the comment.

May I suggest you grab your tequila? Because these b***hes are off to Punta Mita.

Let’s recap.

Sutton reveals her “dark” comments to Garcelle

RHOBH Sutton Stracke looks at Garcelle
Are you ready for what I’m about to tell you, Garcelle? Pic credit: Bravo

Before we get into Sutton and Garcelle’s lunch, let’s check in with Kyle and Crystal, who are enjoying beet salads and throwing around the words “dangerous” and “gaslighting.”

You know what … on second thought, I’m so over the word “gaslighting,” how about a big ol’ NEXT, and let’s just get straight to the good stuff, aka, Sutton and Garcelle.

Ahhhh, the dream team.

Now, as you recall, last episode, Crystal alleged that Sutton said some “very dark things” leading up to Crystal asking Sutton, “Are you that girl who says she doesn’t see color?”

And in THIS episode, Sutton tells Garcelle how she told Crystal about a time Sutton observed her daughter hanging out with a bunch of kids. The exact quote went like this:

“There’s my white child with black girls in there, a Chinese girl was in the jacuzzi and probably like, a red-headed Irish Catholic girl, and I’m like this is what it should be.”

CRYSTAL’S RESPONSE: “I obviously don’t disagree but you need to go further than that. I don’t believe that that is enough anymore.”

Cue Garcelle’s confusion:

RHOBH Garcelle and Sutton having lunch
Garcelle asks the question we are all thinking. What is so dark about that? Pic credit: Bravo

Let’s just fire up Diana’s PJ already and head to Punta Mita.

Punta Mita! Here we come!

And speaking of Diana, did you know she flies “her people” out in advance of her arrival just to make sure everything is okay at her hotel suite?

I sure hope this Presidential Suite suffices…

Diana scopes out her presidential suite to make sure everything is in order. Pic credit: Bravo
Diana scopes out her presidential suite to make sure everything is in order. Pic credit: Bravo

I mean, truly, how much prep work can Diana’s assistant do?? How can she tweak an ocean view?!

But sure, let’s fluff a pillow here, place a bucket hat there, and call it a day.

The ladies all head to dinner, and it’s a good thing Kyle’s dogs aren’t there!

For the record, the naughty dogs made yet their third appearance in a row, and I’m over it.

Sutton makes a few things clear at the Punta Mita dinner. Pic credit: Bravo
Sutton makes a few things clear at the Punta Mita dinner. Pic credit: Bravo

Naturally, the dinner convo turns to Sutton and Crystal’s conundrum, and whether Crystal wants to talk in abstract words or not, the rest of the ladies aren’t playing.

First, Sutton says to Crystal, “We’ve already gone through it, so why bring it up?”

Crystal’s response?

RHOBH Crystal doesn't have a response Pic credit: Bravo
Word-defining Crystal doesn’t have a fancy answer this time. Pic credit: Bravo

I gotta say, though, I loved Diana’s reaction to this whole scene.

She chimes in on Crystal being younger and says that in her 40s, she’s a bigger boss than she was in her 30s and how she has a longer fox tail now (or something like that).

All to say, Crystal — you’re being kind of immature about all of this.

Not one to back down, Crystal uses her weaponry of words and says how it’s all like a Rorschach test. When the ladies don’t quite get the comparison, smug Crystal responds:

RHOBH Crystal being smug
Crystal is all up in her smugness at Punta Mita. Pic credit: Bravo

You know what, Crystal? Garcelle and I have some big words for you too!

Take it away my new BFF!

Garcelle says she has "some big words I can throw at Crystal, I don't wanna make her feel uncomfortable."
I am LOVING Garcelle’s confessional shadiness. Pic credit: Bravo

And for that … Garcelle gets the Diamond Award for yet another week. Oh, and did I mention how when Crystal — in her last Hail Mary — said to Garcelle, “Okay so not dark, but problematic?” Garcelle was all, not really, sis.

So what will happen next week? Oh, who knows. But I’m sure it will involve another high-falootin’ word from Crystal, and I pray we can move on from this.

I will end with saying that Lisa Rinna’s mom Lois was just about the cutest and a woman after my own heart. RIP, Lois.

The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills airs Wednesdays at 8/7c on Bravo.

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