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RHOBH Red Wine Recap: Kathy Hilton is a gosh darn legend

Real Housewives of Beverly Hills newbie Kathy Hilton drinks a fake martini
New Beverly Hills Housewife Kathy Hilton downs a fake martini because that’s what legends do. “Bottoms up!” indeed. Pic credit: Bravo

Monsters and Critics columnist Liz Long recaps Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, Season 11, Episode 3, Sutton’s Gotta Give, with a little help from a glass of Rose (or two) …

Hello my dah-lings … it is I … Liz Long … your resident red wine recapper. Now usually I recap The Bachelor and Married at First Sight, but I’ve been a lifelong Housewives fan, and it’s high-time I paid these ladies some respect.

Instead of pinot, I’ll have Rose – it only feels right even if LVP is no longer with us (may she RIP). As one legend leaves, so another shall come in her place … and this crown is going to none other than Mrs. Hilton Hotels herself …. Kathy Hilton!

So pour yourself a glass of Rose or put some Kahlua in that coffee and let’s “bottoms up!” as we discuss the three takeaways from tonight’s episode.

1. Kathy Hilton is an icon

Throughout the seasons, we have seen the Housewives up the ante when it comes to their designer duds and glam squads. Denise Richards was the first to sort of break the mold – what with her jeans and t-shirt at a Housewives BBQ that was never truly a BBQ. Of course, Denise is no longer with us (Bravo Bravo Bravo! may she also rest in peace), but we DO have Kathy Hilton!

Kathy Hilton. The woman is beyond being the richest b**ch at the table, but she isn’t going to show it.

Pic credit: @MereKat86/Twitter

I mean I love me some Dorit fashion moments (tonight, serving us some fabulous Louis Vuitton pants for an ATV ride), but Kathy brings an air that gets these ladies back down to reality.

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Kathy Hilton. The woman who sleeps until noon and doesn’t give a damn.

Kathy Hilton. The one who isn’t afraid of a good prank at dinner to shake things up in a good way! You see, Kathy decided to have a little fun, downing “martinis” that were really water, and she recruited Dorit to join her on the “bottoms up” mischief.

Of course, I would have much rather seen the women drinking real Belvedere … but it was fun for all … unless of course, your name is Sutton Stracke … leading us to our second takeaway of the episode.

2. Sutton has become unglued

RHOBH cast
“Raise your hand if you were in on the joke!” Sutton demands! Pic credit: Bravo

Guys, I think it’s safe to say that Sutton has become unglued. She was all over the place tonight. We picked up with Crystal asking her in the Bear Den “are you THAT Girl? The one who doesn’t see color?”

Sutton replied, “I am! But you don’t have to say it so coldly.” And, let it be clear, Sutton and Crystal hashed out their differences – each sharing with the other why stereotypes hurt and even having a heart-to-heart about how they both lost their dad.

But then we were back to square one at dinner. Sutton felt like she was the only one left out of the Martini/Water joke, and, indeed, the worldly Southerner was way too oversensitive about it.

“That’s. Not. Nice” seems to be Sutton’s go-to phrase – as if she’s a little kid who got her feelings hurt on the playground.

Come on, Sutton. Lighten up. I had high hopes for you this season when you made your grand entrance with your fabulous flapper dress and told Erika how you have a little “pretty mess” inside you … but now you seriously seem to be coming unhinged (as Crystal so astutely noted).

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3. New Housewife Crystal brings an eye of clarity

Crystal Kung Minkoff
Ya think, Crystal?! This is RHOBH we’re talking about here. Pic credit: Bravo

And speaking of Crystal, I gotta say – I wasn’t really feeling her at first. She had a constant look of boredom that just wasn’t gelling with the goofy spirit brought by people like Dorit and Rinna.

But, tonight, we saw a tiny glimpse of her ability to be fun. I mean, she DID say she was “turned on” by Dorit downing the “vodka.” And I was like “whoah … IS there a little freak-side to Crystal we aren’t seeing yet?”

Crystal Kung Minkoff comments on Dorit Kemsley's drinking
Yep, Liz turned her closed captions on for that one, my friends! Pic credit: Bravo

If nothing else, Crystal certainly brings a no-nonsense approach to a Housewives dinner. I mean, any fan of the show knows dinners often erupt in cat-fights about the dumbest little things. Heck, it’s what the show THRIVES on!

So when Crystal said this:

Crystal Kung Minkoff isn't mincing words
“Just have a ****ing conversation!” says Crystal. Pic credit: Bravo

It was a novelty. And I kinda dug it.

So that does it for this Housewives installment! Did I miss a takeaway? I suppose it is worth a mention that Garcelle tried to drag Paris Hilton right in front of Kathy, saying “I don’t know why she was always on her phone at events – like why are you here?!”

Kathy, the icon that she is, calmly sat there – sunglasses on – and nodded at Kyle to do the talking for her. “Well you see, Garcelle, Paris was extremely shy and that was her coping mechanism.”

Good? Good.

Next week, we are still in Lake Tahoe and Sutton is still sensitive! It also looks like we might get our first glimpses into the Erika/Tom divorce drama … we shall see! Thankfully, we have Kathy to smooth everything out – or at least tell us to “Bottoms Up.”

Yes, Kathy! Yes. Pic credit: Bravo

The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills airs Wednesdays at 8/7c on Bravo.

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