Monsters and Critics columnist Liz Long recaps The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, Season 12, Episode 2, Receipt Offender, with a little help from a glass of Rose (or two) …
Hello, my Housewives-Lovers, and welcome to your Red Wine Recap of these nutty Housewives!
On tonight’s menu are receipts … Elton John charity event dinner receipts, that is.
So no time to waste .. we have a new Housewife to meet, and Sutton ain’t gettin’ any younger. She is 50, after all.
So bust out those readers … pour a glass of champs … and let’s toast to Cartier rings that make you look like Liberace (I’m lookin’ at you, Diana)!
Lisa Rinna is gonna get a storyline – Sutton be damned
So now that Lisa Rinna’s daughter and Scott “The Lord” Disick have broken up since last season, good ol’ Rinna has to hang her hat on SOMETHING.
And what could be better than the contrived “I didn’t like what Sutton said on WWHL” drama.
If you recall, Sutton ran her mouth to Andy, saying that she invited Lisa and Harry to an Elton John charity event and didn’t receive a thank you.
Well, did Sutton actually buy a table?? The plot thickens …
But before we get into all of THAT, as it was the main focus of tonight’s episode, let’s first check in with Dorit, who chats with PK about how truly lucky they are. The robbers only took 50 or so handbags and PK’s $60,000 watch, but that’s nothing (apparently).
The more important thing is that they are safe (truly, I mean that) and have a compassionate friend in Rinna — who was kind enough to offer to cancel Harry’s birthday party in the wake of the robbery.
And lookie there. here she comes now, struttin’ down the street in her best hot neon green mini, determined to extend this Elton storyline past Episode 1 be damned! (I’m givin’ ya until next week, Rinna, and that’s it!)
Meet the new Housewive, Diana Jenkins!
As much as I’d love to talk more about Rinna, we’ve got more important matters on the table. And it comes in the form of one new Housewife who is not afraid to show off her “Nouveau Richness.”
It’s DIANA JENKINS!
Crystal says she’s a friend of Lisa’s and a “firecracker,” so “get ready.”
You can’t put your finger on her accent, but she’s apparently an “it girl” and leads a “big wealthy life.”
The fact that Dirty Diana casually mentioned being with “Kim” during her Paris robbery is good enough for me.
Fun Fact: Diana’s new husband, Asher, is 33 years old, Diana 15 years his senior, so you do the math. And as Sutton amusingly noted, “Asher is quite dashing – he should be called Dasher.”
Sutton shows the receipts!
And though Diana is “nouveau riche” with her 10 gigantic Cartier rings, she is classy enough to keep these ladies in check.
You see, the “ladies” want to start talking about charity dinners and whether Sutton truly paid for the table that Lisa was supposed to have sat at.
And on cue, Sutton pulls out the receipt (with a little prompting help from her friend, Garcelle) to show Lisa that she paid for a place at her table for both Lisa and Harry.
Diana says, come on, ladies, this isn’t the way … and because Lisa realized she was fighting a losing battle here, she was all, “yeah, let’s not do this.” (Come on, Rinna!)
It doesn’t matter anyway because not only did Sutton apologize for what she said on WWHL, but she and Rinna are prepared to both be fake nice, say they adore each other, and hug it out.
We can’t say the same, though, about Sutton and Erika, who fight like a bunch of grade-schoolers (shut the eff up – NO, YOU shut the eff up.)
Moooooooo?!?! Have you got any of the good stuff?
So that about does it! Oh, except that when Kyle confronts Sutton about her lack of empathy for Dorit, Sutton essentially “doubles down” and talks about how she has been affected by guns and robbers.
Is this what makes her a receipt offender? I don’t know. But what I do know is that the words “Elton John” best not come out of Rinna’s mouth next episode, or there will be h**l to pay … as in, I’ll sick one of Erika’s mean-muggin’ looks on her.
So who is the Diamond Award winner of the night??
Well, as much as I’d like to give it to Sir Elton John himself, I’m giving it to none other than ….. DRUMROLL PLEASE …….
Kyle gets this week’s crown for her confessional humor! I mean, we all know she’s done some pretty great impressions in the past, but her calling Diana Jenkins a character witness because Diana is the sponsor of the Elton John event ….
Well, just Bravo, Kyle. Bravo.
Alright, my Lovers! We will see you next week! In the meantime, I’m going to either try and meet a man at Victoria’s Secret party because it did the trick for our new girl Diana or find me one of those pancake crepe cake thingies.
I’ll take the latter.
The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills airs Wednesdays at 8/7c on Bravo.