Monsters and Critics columnist Liz Long recaps Married at First Sight, Season 12, Episode 19, Reunion, Part 2, with a little help from a glass of pinot (or two) …
Hi friends! Well we have officially beat the dead horse that is MAFS Season 12, and we can stick a fork in it – she’s done. But, you know, we got one more recap for this Reunion Part 2, so let’s do this.
For the most part, we saw a bunch of clips of the stuff we’ve already seen and we rehashed the same ol’ same ol.’ So I’m gonna make it as fun as possible and just feature the highlights! Namely, Dr. Pepper called Haley “COLD” (like five times), and we needed this straight-shooting attitude. Why? Well, I hate to say it, but after an amazing performance on Reunion Part 2, Kevin, unfortunately, was off the mark tonight.
But before we get into that, let’s start with our first highlight of the night – brought to you by none other than Bridesmaid Nancy! Remember her? True, we haven’t seen her since the wedding, but she came to bring the heat!
Paige & Chris – Preach Sister Nancy!
So Chris pretty much left without making amends with Pastor Dwight, and we didn’t see him the rest of the show (a classic Chris move). In his place, we had Nancy, who said she would be waiting for Chris in a dark alleyway to basically carry out unfinished business.
Meanwhile, Paige maintained her “I committed to this process and was robbed” attitude without ever dragging Chris the way she should have. (Why do I always feel she’s one compliment away from taking him right back?)
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But Paige attempted to set the record straight: “I’m not a weak-minded woman. I wasn’t privy to side-bar conversations [where he called me ugly].” (I’m left asking: “And if you were privy, Paige? What then?”) Paige continues, “we were doing so well until we weren’t,” and I honestly don’t know if she is referring to this whole season or just this reunion episode … Lord make her mean the season!
Kevin, giving hints of glory reminiscent of Reunion Part 1, counters by telling Paige that viewers were just bewildered. How could a smart woman keep staying with a guy who is buying his pregnant ex a Mercedes?
As Paige continues to pseudo-defend Chris, Nancy says, “I’m gonna cut you off sis – had I known the trauma you’d go through, let’s just say Chris got lucky.”
Nancy also pulled this gem: “Chris is the epitome of why Black mental health matters.”
But Paige didn’t laugh or nod at that. Rather, she just held her head high upon receiving the compliments that she is the epitome of “grace” and “restraint.” But I don’t know if this is the right characterization. There comes a point in time where “grace” is toxic. As the Twitter Universe said:
Our next highlight comes when Dr. Pepper calls Haley out. And we needed this because Kevin seemed to want to go head-to-head with my man, Jake, tonight! The nerve!
Kevin sides with Haley but Dr. Pepper calls her cold!
Now I don’t know if Kevin was trying to swing some sort of date with Haley or what, but he definitely sided with Haley, even to the point of telling Jake, “I’ve never slept with a woman who hated me. That’s a try.” Yes, Haley definitely found her (one and only) ally in Kevin, but, have no fear Jake – ALL of Twitter had your back …
Bring in Dr. Pepper to echo what the rest of the world was seeing. As they played unseen footage of Jake and Haley’s “fishbowl exercise,” we witnessed Haley constantly telling Jake she didn’t really want to hold his hand.
Dr. Pepper watched this in disdain and flat out remarked, “SHE’S COLD.” (And if we didn’t hear her the first time, you best believe she said it about four more times.) And after the massive disappointment from Kevin tonight, I’d say we needed this moment.
The experts (and Kevin) let themselves off the hook
Kevin also praised the experts on how well of a job they did, and this would have been the part where he could have held their feet to the fire a little more but didn’t (not shocking).
In discussing why they chose Chris, the experts said, “We want them to be who they were because that’s who we matched. We liked Chris and based on the information we had, we thought he would do well. He fooled us and we would never have picked him had we known.”
Of course, I wish Kevin would have pressed, “well what about when Chris was saying (during CASTING!) that he wanted a submissive freak, your name is your brand, I don’t want her to be ugly, I was engaged 4 weeks ago …” but okay okay guys. I, Liz, will no longer fight this issue as I once did and will wave my white flag. You officially have exhausted me.
The experts did have some good points as they talked about the other couples: Pastor Cal astutely noted, “The beauty in Bri is she knows she is a boss but has the sensitivity to not treat Vince like an employee. Her sensitivity was amazing.”
And Dr. Pepper was spot-on in saying, “We knew Vince was proud but we didn’t know how easily that pride could be punctured.”
Kevin, though, determined to try and fault Jake, harped some more on the 80s man “not bringing the romance, fire or swagger.” But thankfully, Dr. Pepper was there to point out, “it’s really hard to be rejected over and over and over. She’s cold. With Haley, she needs to look real deep. I think she’s put off by small things and it makes me wonder if anyone would be acceptable over time.”
Finally, the last disappointing thing of the episode was them highlighting Ryan’s “go-to” phrase as “that’s my jam.” Uhhhhhh …. I’m sorry. But have you guys not watched the season? You were supposed to highlight the word “sure” and now I’m just at a loss.
So anyway, that about does it, folks. We have a new season to look forward to, which premieres July 21. It’s in Houston, and I’m hoping we find ourselves some real nice cowboys. Are you ready to give this show another try with me? In the meantime, enjoy this little video I made of the Top Gangster Moments of MAFS Season 12. Til July 21, my friends.
Married at First Sight Season 13 premieres July 21, 2021 on Lifetime.