Monsters and Critics columnist Liz Long recaps Married at First Sight, Season 12, Episode 16, Speak Now or Forever Hold Your Peace, with a little help from a glass of pinot (or two) …
Well folks, Decision Day is just around the corner and this was the episode where each couple assesses their current state of affairs. Not much has changed. Our couples are still pretty much fumbling along while Clara and Ryan con themselves into thinking their marriage is perfect.
There were, however, some highlights. We had Vincent cutting Bri’s braid off unannounced and Clara typing with baby hands. Now I’m not sure what either of those things were about, but it’s MAFS Season 12, y’all. I’m done questioning.
So without further ado, let’s recap this little episode titled “Speak Now or Forever Hold Your Peace.”
Clara & Ryan – Clara has become Ryan’s little old lady
Oh, these two caused me to feel a little conflicted tonight. On the one hand, they are at least getting along and praising themselves for how good their marriage is … on the other, I’m left wondering how Clara is “head over heels” in love with Ryan?? Did we all miss something here?
SURE, they talk. SURE, they do cute little hipster activities like bowl with footballs. And SURE, Ryan is determined to take on the extra “responsibilities” that a new husband should … (pesky sex aside). But I’m coming back to the idea that Clara has become content with molding herself into the image Ryan wants simply because she is now married to someone who is not an A-hole.
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Ryan talks to his friend interview-style. Clara talks to hers while wearing baby hands that freak me out.
And they both talk to each other about how Ryan is turning Clara into a little old lady. (Ideal for Ryan, who also played shuffle-board with his friend.)
Odd baby hands or not, Clara has mellowed. She makes appetizers. She does housewife duties. And she goes to bed at 10 pm. Gone are her days of watching TV all day and waiting around to drink with friends … she’s a housewife now. And, yeah, it looks kinda cute on her … but I just hope she doesn’t lose herself out there to the guy saying words like “data points” when analyzing a relationship.
Bri & Vince – Well you’re bossy!
So we all know how Vincent has been quick to get his feelings hurt. And how Bri has assured him she doesn’t need or want a Mr. Cool. Nonetheless, Vincent repeatedly gets up in his feelings, and it took about two minutes for it to happen tonight.
You see, Bri called Vinny “unorganized,” and he wasn’t having that. In fact, he was ready to fire back with something of his own that has been bothering him since the wedding day.
Yeah, remember when everyone said Bri was “bossy”? Well, Vinny specifically told the experts he didn’t want someone bossy, and now he’s telling Bri. But he’s not stopping there – he’s even telling her that hearing that was a “turn off.”
Naturally, Bri hated hearing this. Bossiness is apparently a character trait of hers that she’s stuck with. Plus, she doesn’t want to turn her husband off. But they seemed to come around over their giant plates of food at dinner. You best believe, though, Bri wore her power suit, as if to say this is me – take it or leave it.
And did Vinny choose to leave it? I mean, they did have some good dinner conversation … but when Vinny had to leave for the night, he basically peaced out without giving Bri much comfort on what he’ll do on Decision Day! And did I mention he also randomly cut one of her braids off … yeah, not a good way to end the night, Champagne Vinny.
Erik & Virginia – No blindsides
Erik seemed determined to make a hail mary move this episode – crying over dinner telling Virginia how much he loves her and also telling her, “If you want to get our own place, we will do that! Just give me a little time to rent out my place …”
Virginia reciprocated with SOME affection, but for the most part, she was just kinda “yeah” and was determined to circle back to their same ol’ arguments: her guy friends, where they’ll live, Rocky …
Interestingly, Virginia told her (guy) friend that yes, she has heard Erik fart, but they brush it off like it didn’t happen … a metaphor for their relationship, perhaps?
I think deep down, Virginia has such a wall up and doesn’t want to get hurt that when Erik does make those sweet moves, she can’t readily receive it. So her natural defense is to say, “We’ll see …”
I guess we will see …
Haley & Jake – Stop kidding us and yourselves
Haley and Jake continue doing that thing where they fight the whole episode, but then have this one little moment, which, in turn, makes them reflect on how they just might give this marriage a shot after all.
But we’re no fools.
Props to Jake for owning his “bad fashion sense.” It was more self-aware than Haley saying she thinks she should be a therapist now that she has such great communication skills.
And props to that restaurant they went to – not only did Haley’s salmon look amazing, but Jake got a nice-sized steak, which makes me happy for him.
Hey, we have to be happy about something with these two.
So that about does it, folks! We didn’t have to see Chris tonight … I don’t know why, but I kept expecting him to pop out of a corner tonight. Maybe it’s because we see him and Paige in the previews for next week. Sigh. Contractual issues I guess.
So who do you think will be saying yes on Decision Day, my MAFS-Lovers?! (And, please, no spoilers for the ones still “pure” … that includes you, Ryan! )
Married at First Sight airs on Wednesdays at 8/7c on Lifetime.