The kickoff of the three-part reunion of The Real Housewives of Potomac was seriously nasty, leaving us all to wonder how much worse it can get in the next two weeks.
“I know things with you and Michael are precarious right now,” host Andy Cohen says to Ashley when he greets her.
Hmmm… and Ashley’s the pot-stirrer? Methinks she’s modeling herself after the illustrious Mr. Cohen.
Andy, in regular housewife form, greets each of the ladies, and then focuses in on them one at a time, showing footage of things they said, and things said about them, that are guaranteed to get a reaction.
Karen is not giving up her self-proclaimed title of the grand dame of Potomac, even if the honor was only imaginary.
“The grand dame, b***hes, she’s here to stay,” Karen proclaims.
All class, that one. Groan.
Then Karen declares she’s channeling Oprah – and tells them all they can be grand dames too.
Nobody wants it her imaginary sloppy seconds.
Karen looks and sounds ridiculous. I wish they’d kick her off the show for moving, but if they paid attention to where these women live, half the cast would be disqualified.
Charrisse makes fun of Karen putting on airs, and points out that most of Potomac is wealthier than any of the ladies on the stage, including Karen. #TrueLife
“I think that’s what’s bothering the ladies is I didn’t share with them, the details about it,” Karen says.
Gizelle explains they’re all miffed because she flat-out lied to them in Bermuda when she told them about her move.
“At the dinner table, that was not the time,” Karen claims.
But it was a good time to lie? I’m with Gizelle on this one.
“We don’t believe we’re going to get a straight answer from you,” Robyn tells Karen, when she complains that nobody but Monique called to check on her.
That’s rich coming from Robyn. Because she so straightforward about her marriage, right? Not.
Karen says she’s touchy because she had a big fight with Ray about moving.
Then she reveals that she moved to Great Falls so that she could take care of her parents. She claims they had to move because her parents refused to move to Maryland.
“It’s bulls**t,” Robyn says.
Then Karen admits her parents are not actually moving in with her. They’re staying in Richmond. WTF?
Gizelle says Karen blew them all off after Bermuda. Even Monique showed up for Gizelle’s birthday party, but Karen didn’t.
Turns out Karen lied about why she missed the party, too.
Gizelle says she heard Karen was in New York for a “face fix.” Oh!
Karen calls her a “f**king liar.”
“Everybody gets work done, it’s cool,” Gizelle says.
Karen says she tells everybody who her doctors are – and recommends them – so Gizelle’s story “doesn’t hold water.”
“Just this is totally out of left field,” Andy says, fascinated.
Then he asks Karen if she’s had a breast reduction. Karen claims she’s been dieting and working out.
“They look much smaller,” Andy says, because he doesn’t believe her either. Bahaha!
Karen tells Andy she was upset by what the other ladies said about her in the last episode. She’s mostly mad at Charrisse.
“You put Ray’s name in your mouth. What has he done to you?” Karen asks Charrisse.
Does she realize how not-Potomac she sounds when she talks like that?
“Well, first of all, I think Ray realizes he’s not Bill Gates,” Charrisse says.
Karen tries to play the nickname off as something from a salon, but Andy calls out Karen for using the “Black Bill Gates” nickname first.
Karen just yaps and yaps and yaps, talking over everybody so you can’t understand anybody.
“Your mouth is going non-stop right now – can’t we just move on?” Ashley asks.
“You said you call him Uncle Ben, which I think is an insult,” Karen says, offended.
Gizelle says she thinks Ray looks like the guy on the Uncle Ben’s rice box, and he’s cute.
They give Karen kudos for talking about being sexually abused during a fundraiser this season. And Karen seem to feel the need to share the spotlight.
Apparently Robyn got raped her freshman year of high school, and shared that with Karen. Then Karen shared it during the reunion. Who does that?
I don’t remember Robyn talking about that, but maybe I missed something. If I didn’t, Karen was WAY out of line.
Andy asks Gizelle about her love life.
They show the clip of Ray telling Gizelle that she’s getting old, so she needs to meet a man now. Bahaha!
Gizelle says she’s still doing just fine. Men cross the street to meet her. Right…
“I don’t want my husband to just want me because of my looks,” Monique says, when both Karen and Gizelle try to explain away Ray’s comments.
“I know that Ray doesn’t want me to be old and by myself,” Gizelle admits she knows Ray’s heart was in the right place.
Monique thinks it’s disrespectful that the girls keep saying she has her husband’s money, and she’s getting sick of it.
She calls out Gizelle by saying she’d rather have her husband’s money than part of the tithes Gizelle’s ex-husband’s church members are paying her. Ouch!
Gizelle has an ax to grind with pretty much everybody except Robyn.
“You called me Monica Lewinsky,” Gizelle says to Charrisse, referring to the snarky remark about how their tea at The Willard was for first ladies, not the ones under the President’s desk.
“I didn’t mean she was under a desk or anything,” Charrisse says, looking busted – because for real, how do you explain away that comment. It was funny, but mean.
Gizelle makes Charrisse apologize on the spot. And she does, but Gizelle won’t let it go and brings up other past arguments.
Next thing you know, they’re talking about her big reveal of Charrisse’s firefighter boyfriend last season on Watch What Happens Live. That’s never going to go away.
“Gizelle, that is very damaging to say that I told you I was cheating on my husband,” Charrisse says.
The words “very damaging” are key here because Charrisse is going through a nasty divorce, and there is no legal separation in Maryland.
Gizelle is jeopardizing her divorce settlement with the TV revelations about Charrisse’s extracurricular activities, if they’re true.
Robyn starts crying when they replay the footage of Juan talking about her to producers. And the footage of Ashley telling her that Juan was seeing somebody else.
“It’s been six months since you and Juan had that conversation. Where are you and Juan now?” Andy asks about their agreement to try things out for six months. It’s been a year since the season was filmed.
“I feel like we’re growing, and we’re getting to a better place,” Robyn says
Translation: I’m still letting Juan walk all over me, and doing his laundry while he sleeps with other women.
“He wants to be in a relationship…” Robyn says.
“With you?” Andy interrupts.
Robyn doesn’t have a good answer for that one. I’m embarrassed for her. She’s always saying he wants to be a couple again, but nobody watching the show is seeing that.
Monique says watching Juan talk about Robyn made her, and her husband Chris, cringe. So did we all… so did we all. Sigh.
Robyn calls Ashley out for gossiping about her marriage.
“Gossip is something that’s not true,” Ashley says when Robyn freaks out about her talking about her relationship with Juan.
Robyn says she couldn’t ask her husband if he’s cheating because Ashley told her he was.
Why? If I thought my husband was cheating, I’d be up in his face in 20 seconds or less.
You can sleep with him, and share a home with him, but you can’t ask if he’s bonking other people, Robyn?
C’mon now. Your mom told you to dump his butt because she sees you being made a fool of, too. Listen to your mother.
Andy asks Monique about her god-awful mother-in-law.
Monique tells Andy that she didn’t know her mother-in-law called her a heifer until she and Chris saw the show.
She hasn’t talked to her in a year, since she bought her a car last July. Good for Monique. No need to set yourself up with that more than you have to because you can’t win with a mean mother-in-law.
Gizelle and Monique are still unfriendly.
Gizelle says Monique didn’t understand her place in the group when they all first met at tea.
Her place in the group? Since when does Gizealous get to assign anybody’s place in any group?
She denies saying most of what we saw her say to the new girl when they first met.
“That’s the problem, you do a lot of forgetting,” Monique says.
Gizelle says that she was taught “class”, which means you assess a situation before jumping in.
Who taught Gizelle about “class?” I’m thinking that person needs to be strangled.
Monique calls out Robyn for calling her Ms. Can’t Stop Talking in her own house, when Robyn was a guest.
She says Monique and Gizelle gang up on her.
“The green-eyed bandits – it was both of y’all together – that had a problem with me talking too much,” Monique says.
“I said I will come up with a code word to let you know when you need to stop talking,” Robyn claims she said to Monique.
How is that not rude and inappropriate??? Why would anybody listen to Robyn? She’s a walking hot mess with a disinterested husband and poorly-behaved children. C’mon now.
Monique tells Gizelle to stop pretending she’s THAT close to Charrisse. And Charrisse busts Gizelle, agreeing with Monique.
“People go to people’s house and talk trash. That’s what they do,” Gizelle says.
“No, that’s not what they do. And you talk about class?” Monique is furious.
“You’ve been nothing but stank to me since I met you,” Monique says.
It’s pretty funny. Don’t know if you noticed, but Monique doesn’t swear. She never uses bad words.
But her words like “trick” and “stank” seem to upset these women far more than obscenities. It’s kinda funny.
“Whenever you’re not around Gizelle, you’re a different person,” Monique tells Robyn.
Charrisse agrees with Monique. She tells Robyn that Gizelle makes her anti-social.
“It’s like more Mean Girl mentality,” Ashley says. Boom! Right on target with that comment.
Gizelle needs to start reading her co-stars’ blogs because she’s all surprised to find out that Monique said she’s the kind of person “who only wants to be around people who she thinks are beneath her.”
Then Robyn gets all worked up because she says Monique is implying she’s beneath Gizelle. Umm… #TruthHurts
Andy makes Monique do a rap in the middle of all the girls bickering. The words are funny but her heart isn’t in it because the vibe is so ugly on the set.
I felt sorry for her being put on the spot.
Andy says everybody thinks Ashley is a pot-stirrer. #PotCallingKettleBlack
Ashley’s sick of being dismissed because of her age.
Robyn says Ashley hasn’t experienced enough to express her opinion.
“You can give advice to somebody based on observation without having lived their life,” Ashley says.
She’s honest when they point out her marriage is a mess, too.
“Well, I’m taking action to fix my marriage. I’m not going to sit in a bad situation for 20 years,” Ashley says. Zing!
Robyn flips out and accuses her of continually slamming her. #GlassHouses?
“I watch TV just like America,” Ashley retorts, when Robyn says Ashley hasn’t spent enough time around Juan to comment.
Straight up – Ashley has spent a lot more time around them than I have, and I’ll call that marriage dead in the water. Dead so long that it’s starting to stink up their new neighborhood, I’m sure.
Viewers called out the #MeanGirls for showing up at Ashley’s restaurant and making a scene. Listening to them justify their behavior just made them all look worse. Especially Robyn.
During the break, Robyn tries to recruit Charrisse to hating Ashley.
In what Bravo is calling a “hot mic” incident, they caught Robyn saying the following about what she would have liked to do to Ashley when she was told about Juan’s cheating.
“But seriously, if there weren’t cameras there, I would have beat her ass at that party,” Robyn says.
“Like I can’t be beating people’s asses on camera. I would have put her ass in a headlock and told her to shut the f**k up,” Robyn brags.
Hmmm… if this is the REAL Robyn, her kids’ behavior on camera makes a lot more sense.
Next week, the husbands (and boyfriends) join the housewives on stage at the reunion.
And Charrisse calls out Karen for having a boyfriend. A situation she likens to Whitney Houston in the bodyguard. OMG!
Fashion police alert
Hey Robyn – beautiful dress but you’re not wearing it well. You need to cross your legs, not your ankles, in a gown with a split front like that. I thought all of the women had incredible dresses at the reunion, but Robyn made herself look bad by sitting like an old lady who couldn’t cross her legs.
Things we’re left wondering
Does anybody believe that was a “hot mic” incident where they caught Robyn talking about beating up Ashley? Nobody who’s ever done a reality show would believe them. They NEVER turn off the microphones during a reunion just because they’re HOPING to catch things like this.
What is Juan going to say next week? Sounds like he’s going to throw Robyn under the bus. And I kinda think she deserves it at this point. Maybe that will be enough to finally help her move on. But I doubt it.
Who believes Karen didn’t have a boob job? Not me. Andy Cohen doesn’t believe her either.
The Real Housewives of Potomac airs Sundays at 8/7c on Bravo.