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The Real Housewives of Potomac recap: The Monique’s Mother in Law is a nightmare edition

Gizelle wins $3,000 at the Preakness with The Real Housewives of Potomac

New girl Monique’s husband, former Redskins player Chris Samuels, is being inducted into the Alabama Sports Hall of Fame on The Real Housewives of Potomac this week.

As a proud Ohio State Buckeye, I wanted to ignore this in my blog. But it was too big a deal. #BuckeyeNation

Besides, I’m a Skins fan. #HTTR

Monique’s girlfriend Gigi comes over to dish while she packs, with her assistant’s help.

“Black girl with the white help,” Gigi squeals, giggling.

They’ll be seeing Chris’s mom in Alabama. Apparently, she’s a piece of work.

“As long as she don’t pull no crap like she did at my wedding, we good,” Monique says.

“I’m stepping into my wedding dress – ‘this feels like a funeral!'”, Monique does an impression of her Mother in Law.

For real? I’d have had to slap a b***h!

She said Chris’s mom liked her til they got serious.

Gigi alludes to the fact she may have known Eddie Jordan, Charrisse’s estranged husband. But Monique doesn’t ask any questions. Interesting.

She tells Gigi about high tea.

“I don’t have time to figure out what Gizelle’s problem is,” Monique says. Her Mother in Law is a bigger problem.

Monique needs to get mentally prepared to deal with her Mother in Law. Bahaha!

Chris tells Monique he’s glad she’s worked through her differences with his mom

“I’m glad you all worked through your differences,” Chris says, on the way to see his family.

But they haven’t, really.

“When I married you, I married your family,” Chris says.

Monique doesn’t subscribe to that philosophy.

“You come before everybody,” Monique says.

Chris’s mom rolls into the induction ceremony at the Hall of Fame like she’s the queen.

“I’m so glad to see you. I haven’t seen you since you were little,” Chris’s mom says to her grandson.

Monique’s like “what??? You just saw them!”

But the crotchety old lady ignores her.

“Uh, Miss Samuels. This is not about you. This is about Chris,” Monique says.

After the ceremony, they go to lunch with the family.

Monique’s Mother in Law spends all of lunch snarking and being nasty

Monique’s Mother in Law is not her biggest fan.

I don’t think she’s impressed with her rapping either.

It’s obvious, right away, that his mom is competing with his wife for her son’s attention. She’s not winning, and she’s frustrated.

“You ain’t had none as big as mine,” his mother says, claiming she birthed enormous babies and never had any labor pains.

What do you even say to that?

Then she tells Monique to get a job. WTF?

Monique tells her they’re fine financially, no need for her to work.

“They need to hook me up with some of that money,” his mother says.

That pissed me off because I’d be willing to bet Chris Samuels is VERY generous with the nasty, jealous old hag.

Monique brags about their sex life in front of his family. Everybody looks a little uncomfortable.

His mom says she hasn’t had sex since Chris was born. #Awkward

Monique’s drinking wine.

Perhaps she should switch to hard liquor. Her Mother in Law is a complete nightmare. #MyCondolences

Monique says something about looking for better examples that what they had, and his mom gets all offended.

“I never argued with him. I never cussed him. I never argue with my husband,” she says.

“I guess everybody has their own definition of marriage,” Monique replies.

Chris calls an end to the lunch before somebody draws blood.

Monique’s Mother in Law gets the last word as they leave the restaurant

But his mom gets in the final snark at the end.

“Didn’t I get that heifer straight?” she asks a relative.

Wow.

Meanwhile, as Monique is suffering in the south, back up north in Potomac, life goes on.

Charrisse is turning her daughter’s study room into a champagne room. To represent “the new independent Charrisse.”

She’s spending $92,000 on it. Can you say gross display of excess?

I wonder what Monique’s Mother in Law would think of Charrisse.

“Even though Eddie isn’t working, money isn’t an issue,” Charrisse says. How lovely for her.

Gizelle and Robyn meet up for nails, downtown. Not in Potomac.

And there are plenty of nail spots in Potomac. #JustSaying

Gizelle and Robyn get their nails done, while Gizelle questions her friend’s loyalty

Robyn says she’s inviting all the girls to the Preakness. Monique will be out of town.

Gizelle’s going to hug Charrisse when she sees her.

“I really don’t feel like she’s over it,” Robyn cautions her.

“I realized that putting her business out there for all of Potomac to judge does not reflect well on me at all. So for that, I apologize,” Gizelle says.

But she totally doesn’t mean it because she mentions the “fireman boyfriend” in her next breath.

She’s pissed Robyn discussed the situation with Karen Huger.

“I feel like Karen is a walking, living, breathing ball of messiness,” Gizelle says.

Robyn says Gizelle doesn’t need to question her loyalty, but that she was shocked Gizelle would take it to that level with Charrisse.

“This situation definitely opened my eyes up about Gizelle,” Robyn says. Now she doesn’t trust her.

Karen’s daughter Rayvin hates the food at college. And she’s joined a sorority.

Karen’s daughter Rayvin says she’s struggling with dorm food because she’s used to Potomac food

All signs point to her doing very well representing Potomac. She could be my sister from another mister. LOL

“Maybe I’m just used to Potomac food,” Rayvin says.

Karen’s horrified they’re feeding her baby cheesesteaks.

I WISH we’d had cheesesteaks in the cafeteria in college!

Robyn’s kids seem pretty out of control, in general. I do not think parenting is her strong suit.

They completely ignore her instructions and orders, at home and out in public.

The children haven’t been to the dentist in TWO YEARS! #BadMom

Robyn goes to get her hair done by her bff Shirley.

Robyn’s bff Shirley tells her it’s time to tell ex-husband Juan how she feels

For a divorced couple, Juan calls her a lot.

Oh wait, they live together.

Juan wants a baby girl. Remember, they’re divorced.

Shirley tells her it’s time to tell Juan how she feels.

“For me to say okay let’s do this again, it’s gotta be different than what we were before,” Robyn says she feels like his mother.

Ashley and Michael go to iFly, an indoor skydiving facility, in an effort to spend some non-restaurant-related time together.

Ashley says she doesn’t want to end up miserable and single like so many of the other housewives.

Michael and Ashley have a serious talk about their relationship after indoor skydiving

They have a talk about the business. Ashley admits she doesn’t understand the accounting, at all. That’s probably a big part of the problem.

“I don’t know what it’s going to take to get back to that place. But I want to make it work,” Ashley says.

The Preakness is just another opportunity for the ladies to bust out the hats. And the cocktails.

Ashley tries to give Robyn advice on her non-marriage. Bahaha!

Ashley admits to having a breakdown the night before because her own marriage is in a shambles, mostly due to the failing new restaurant.

Ashley is in no position to be giving relationship advice to anybody

“Little Miss Ashley needs to work on that restaurant because with no cash flow comes negative penis,” Gizelle says.

The girls all offer to help promote the restaurant. But how do you do that?

“Come see Gizelle’s camel toe, and eat a camel burger!” just seems like a really tacky marketing strategy.

“I would like to ask you what you feel about little Miss Monique,” Gizelle asks the group at large.

Nobody has anything overtly nasty to say about the new girl. Mostly, they think Gizelle is jealous.

“Monique has a supportive husband. She has her youth. And she has her own home. Or should I say multiple homes,” Ashey says.

The Real Housewives of Potomac watching the Preakness at Pimlico

They take the advice of one of the betting hosts, and they win $3,000 on their race.

Celebrating afterwards, Gizelle asks Charrisse if she’s off friendship probation.

Charrisse begrudgingly says yes.

“Baby girl, you better watch what you say,” Charrisse quotes Whitney Houston.

Next week, Monique and Gizelle go at it, and we see the first signs of housewife amnesia in Potomac this season.

More importantly, we FINALLY see Charrisse’s invisible husband Eddie in the same room with Charrisse!

Things we’re left wondering

Why don’t they ever shoot any scenes in Potomac? No, seriously. Potomac has nail and hair salons, restaurants, and even polo matches, if it’s all about the hats.

What kind of relationship did Gigi have with Charrisse’s husband? And was it before or after they were married? Or is her 411 about his activities with somebody else?

Who lives in Potomac and doens’t take their kids to the dentist for TWO YEARS??? C’mon, Robyn. That’s basic healthcare for your kids, and you have absolutely no excuse. #ShameOnYou

The Real Housewives of Potomac airs Sundays at 9/8c on Bravo.

Sandy Malone is a reality TV star, expert wedding planner, and internationally-syndicated columnist for Conde Nast's BRIDES and The Huffington Post, in addition to Monsters... read more
Sandy Malone

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