Monsters and Critics columnist Liz Long recaps The Bachelorette, Season 18, Episode 2, with a little help from a glass of pinot (or two) …
Hi Rose-Lovers! And welcome to Week 2 of Michelle’s love journey! Tonight, we met Michelle’s students who should, quite honestly, host the next season of Paradise … we realized Michelle looks good in every athleisure wear piece imaginable … Aaaaand we met Jamie’s big, fat ego.
Yes, in Bachelor Nation, there’s always a need to create drama where drama is not necessary, and in this episode, Jamie did just that by TRYING to make Joe Enemy No. 1.
But why? Well, Mr. “I live on the edge of life” just couldn’t bear to have someone cooler in the room than him.
Meet Jamie and his Ego
So Michelle knighted Jamie for the first date, and, normally, the first one-on-one is quite an honor, but, for Jamie … meh — it’s just another night.
“I travel to third-world countries with a day’s notice by myself,” he regals to the other men after receiving the coveted date card. He continues, could Michelle even jive with such a lifestyle – the one where he “constantly is on the edge of life?!”
Our First Impression Rose boy, Nayte’s face said it all:
I mean, Michelle is a teacher by trade and knows a lot about apples and all … but why does Jamie have this conflated image of himself? I’d like to see this wicked passport of his.
Now you know I like to do my homework assignments and study up on these guy’s bios to weed out the bulls**t, and here is what Jamie’s had to say:
“He is a world traveler with a taste for all things and is the type of guy who will show up at the airport and let the ticketing agent decide his destination.”
What’s more, he “once traveled to Ecuador just to try their chocolate.”
You know, I once traveled to Brazil and still use that as a talking point whenever I can because I feel it gets me cool points even though it was about 15 years ago.
Why do I get the sense Jamie is guilty of this too.
Now, I’m not being so harsh on the guy.
Tonight, on the one-on-one, he got extremely vulnerable with Michelle over dinner. He shared the heartbreaking story with Michelle about how his mom suffered from mental health issues and ultimately committed suicide.
And, believe me, Michelle wasn’t the only one crying.
This was a beautiful moment, and especially endearing on Michelle who told him “I don’t even really know you, but I’m proud of you.” (I just love when Michelle’s natural teacher comes out, don’t you?)
Jamie secured the rose and a kiss to boot. But what are we going to do about that Joe…
Basketball Joe is a natural threat … to Jamie
So Joe was the one who has a bit of history with Michelle before even showing up to The Bachelorette.
But it’s not much of a history. They are from the same town. She slid into his DMs and he ghosted her. End of story.
However, he is probably also the hottest one out of the bunch, and was able to save his bad news bear team from complete and utter defeat while staying humble throughout!
As Clayton said, “Joe’s played at the highest level but he’s been quiet about it and not boasting about how great he is.”
Naturally, Michelle had to find a way to get Joe to that winner’s cocktail party so they quickly invented the MVP award and, Joe, you’re in.
Now kiss away, you fools, and while you’re at it, just go ahead and give him the group date rose too, Michelle.
But Jamie’s ego can’t have Joe being Michelle’s teammate for life. No sir-ee.
So he huddles with three other MEN and, curiously, becomes the only one agitated that Michelle and Joe had a history.
And this is exactly what he told Michelle:
Just kidding. Jamie lied straight through his teeth and told Michelle that he “personally doesn’t really care BUT EVERYBODY else does.”
In fact, the Joe rumors are spreading like wildfire, Michelle, and have taken on a life of their own!
Hey, Jamie — is she entertaining men for money too? (Gotta use that one whenever possible.)
We see you, Jamie. Don’t think we don’t. And you can run and tell that to your friend back in Minneapolis who is “telling everyone” that Michelle is “already boo’d up with a tall light-skinned baller.”
Poor Michelle is upset by this news, and so in true Bachelorette fashion, she goes to confront the men at once to clear up her and Joe’s “history.”
WHO GOES THERE SPREADING RUMORS ABOUT ME?
Michelle gets silence from the room because no one – not a damn soul other than Jamie – has been spreading these rumors.
Nothing left to do but to send guys home. Jamie lives to see another day. And we now have our official villain on our hands.
Til’ next week my Rose-Lovers! Who wants to start taking bets on how long it will take for ol’ Blake to show up? … too soon?
In the meantime, I’m going to see if I can talk this little nugget into being my friend.
The Bachelorette airs Tuesday nights at 8/7c on ABC.