Opinion Recaps Reviews Interviews Explainers
News

Recap: “Below Deck” on BravoTV ‘The Frog Legs’ Edition

 

below deckuse“Below Deck” on BravoTV was full of really good one-liners this week. Nothing like a common enemy to bring everybody else together. In this case, the common enemy is Chef Leon. And the stewardesses are finally working like a well-oiled machine together. For the first time in three seasons. Wow!

Emile spends this episode feeling butt-hurt by Rocky dumping him publicly with a note – and he has a right to be embarrassed. But he sorta had it coming. He’d been acting like a stalker and he wasn’t getting her not-so-subtle hints. That said, I can’t cosign being mean to people.

Dane’s the stupid one on this crew. I think he’s used to being the cool, popular kid, and he’s neither with his crewmates on the Eros. His roommate, Emile, isn’t loving him. That’s for sure.

Apparently, Dane gets up to Skype on his cell phone, from bed, at 5 am every morning. While it’s nice that he’s so dedicated to this girlfriend who he’s constantly denying, that’s a rude thing to do when you’re sharing a cabin.

“You have to stay strong for me Marisa…” Emile doesn’t love hearing this from the bottom bunk while he’s trying to sleep.

“Dane is a selfish prick. And he has no awareness of people around him,” Emile complains.

Traci and Mark – a sister and brother – are the primary charter guests and they are big foodies. These people are really east coast. I’ve found my tribe. But they aren’t terribly lucky. Last boat charter they took, the boat ran into a reef off Martha’s Vineyard and sank within 24 hours. They’re hoping for better luck on this trip. That’s comforting.

The trip starts out a little rough. The guests go “lobster hunting” with Connie and a storm comes in quickly. They get stuck out in the rain and arrive back at the boat wet but safe. It’s an inauspicious beginning but at least the little boat didn’t sink.

The captain tells Eddie they need to do an anchor watch, so Eddie assigns it to Dane. Explaining that he must stay up in the wheelhouse and watch the computer screen to make sure they don’t drift and drag anchor.

“Dane is not somebody who I would describe as alert or focused,” Eddie is a little concerned his new crew member isn’t up to the responsibility. And he’s not wrong. Dane goes a’wanderin not long after his shift starts, and visits the stewardesses in the galley.

“You’re on anchor-watch, that’s how it works,” Amy tells Dane he needs to actually stay on watch. He really doesn’t quite seem to understand the responsibility. But he didn’t let them drift overnight and the boat survived. If only so he could fuck up again in the morning.

Despite the weather challenges, they try to make the next morning fun for the guests. But shortly after they put the jet skis and other stuff out to play with, the sky turns dark.

“What else could go wrong?” Connie asks, jinxing them all completely. So Dane runs a jet ski into the boat.

“That’s your throttle, you moron,” Lee tells Dane, and then boom! The captain is not pleased.

“No, he’s not driving anything,” he tells Connie when she asks about pulling the ski aboard. Sorta shows how badly he thinks of Dane. And that criticism is well-deserved.

“Does anyone see the unfortunate irony that these guests were on a yacht that sunk?” Kate asks, always the eternal optimist.

She’s at war with Chef Leon this week. Leon’s got an ego that his skills don’t support – and he’s given fair warning that these guests want a tasting menu with paired wines. But he doesn’t get his shit together and provision properly so he’s serving boring stuff like cauliflower soup. I’m sure it was tasty, but for what these people are paying… c’mon. You need to do more than just drizzle on a little truffle oil.

He’s not organized enough to give Kate the menu info for the tasting, so nothing can be prepped properly for the dinner table.

“What Leon does not understand is that if one crew member flounders, it dominos and affects the entire crew,” Kate says. “It’s Leon’s world. We’re all just living and working in it.”

“How am I supposed to shine?” Leon’s upset everything he ordered on the second day of the charter via emergency delivery arrived frozen solid – he kept bitching about the “lion” and I’m just hoping it was lionfish. That’s very popular for ceviche in the Caribbean.

Frog legs are on the menu and Amy does a dancing frog routine that makes everybody laugh on both sides of the screen. That girl is hilarious!

Dinner is running behind and Kate tries to stall the guests, who are getting impatient. The primary guest seems to take control of the situation. He goes to the kitchen to find out what’s going on with the menu and doesn’t seem overly impressed.

“I’m not really sure Leon understands what a tasting and pairing menu is,” Kate snarks.

“I think we’re going up. We’re hungry,” The guest tells Kate when she tries to delay them, so now there’s nothing she can do to get more organized.

“I am completely embarrassed that we are so unprepared,” Amy says. Their service is usually impeccable, even if there’s less than spectacular food.

Captain Lee is joining the guests for dinner so it’s twice as bad if Leon blows it. Thankfully, he pulls it off. But not in a manner that inspires confidence in the crew by the guests. Let’s say it was cringe-worthy watching the captain at the table.

The table is eerily silent as courses are being served. And they forget to serve the new wine with each course. Leon being off has thrown everybody off.

“I think it’s a brazen display…” Amy’s pissed that Leon’s making the entire crew look bad.

Leon goes up on deck in a t-shirt, not a chef’s jacket, to thank the guests. The captain doesn’t look impressed. And the guests aren’t raving, although they’re polite. Kate is horrified!

“I’m over his attitude. I’m over his t-shirts. I’m over his moods,” Kate says.

“I don’t give a shit what Kate thinks,” Leon says.

Kate and Leon get into a little bitch fest in the galley.

“You’re not that good, girlfriend,” Leon says as the captain comes walking in. But Captain Lee doesn’t do anything about it as Leon continues to bitch at Kate. She doesn’t respond and it just makes him look bad. The captain keeps on going.

“Kate,” Leon says, unable to let things go.

“Yes, Leon,” Kate replies.

“Do you like me?” Leon asks.

“I like your commitment and your passion at this moment,” Kate says.

“Well, just let me say something. I do not like you one bit. I do not like you one bit,” Leon tells her. And wisely begins to make his exit.

“Good night ladies. Goodnight Kate,” Leon says. Cuz Kate’s not a lady. Would have been so good coming from anybody else, but Leon’s just a jerk.

“Real professional,” Kate says. I’m impressed she kept her cool through the entire altercation.

It’s tense on the boat the next morning. These guests handled the tip the way I would expect it to be handled, discreetly. I’ve always wondered about that, when the guests hand big, fat envelopes to the captain in front of the crew at the end of each “Below Deck” charter. These people take a private tour of the wheelhouse and discreetly thank the captain at the time. Class.

The captain tells the crew their boat’s owner is happy with them and treating them to a day at a resort. Then he asks Dane to come talk to him.

“You probably don’t know as much as you need to know to be on a boat this size. And there’s nothing wrong with not knowing…” Lee tells Dane, but he also tells him to get his shit together.

“I can tell by looking in his eyes. Lights on, but there’s nobody home,” Lee says. I think we can all agree with that.

“I’m thankful there’s peace between the stewardesses,” Amy’s enjoy the camaraderie of the girls. And it looks like it’s going to be an almost relaxing evening aboard the Eros. Until Dane gets shitfaced and Amy heads to bed to get away from him.

Eddie had told Connie no more whipped cream bikinis. So Connie spreads peanut butter all over herself and jumps into the water.

“I love being naked,” Connie has a naughty side. Let’s hope she didn’t make the same kind of mess she made with the whipped cream last charter.

But she heads to bed quickly when she gets out of the water because Dane is creeping her out.

“Being around Dane when he’s drinking is extremely uncomfortable. Dane gets really, really angry,” Connie doesn’t want to go to bed with him a few feet away. Don’t their cabins have locks?

Dane tries to recruit Emile unsuccessfully. Emile’s smart enough to go to bed. Then he acts like an ass to Kate. He’s just burning every bridge he can. Nice work, new guy!

Eddie sends a “suggestive” text to Rocky after they’re both in their respective cabins. He’s playing with fire here because he’s been fighting with his girlfriend. And Rocky is horny. I thought he had better sense than that. Apparently, not.

Next week, we’re apparently going to continue to watch Leon meltdown. They didn’t show us the oven on fire from last week’s teaser. And Chef Ben has not returned yet. Guess that means Kate’s gotta endure a little more pain for the sole purpose of our entertainment.

Sandy Malone is a reality TV star, expert wedding planner, and internationally-syndicated columnist for Conde Nast's BRIDES and The Huffington Post, in addition to Monsters... read more
Sandy Malone

If you like this story then follow us on Google News or Flipboard.

Subscribe
Notify of
guest
0 Comments
Inline Feedbacks
View all comments