Hannah Brown’s new memoir God Bless This Mess: Learning to Live and Love Through Life’s Best (and Worst) Moments came out today, and it’s full of juicy details about her time on The Bachelorette, including whether or not Jed Wyatt has a bigger penis than Peter Weber.
Yes, seriously.
While it’s not going to win a literary award anytime soon, it is a good read for fans of The Bachelor franchise and mentions that famous night of windmill sex.
But, for those in Bachelor Nation who still consider Jed Wyatt to be the villain with a guitar, the hot tea Hannah spills about his manhood will be enough to bring a smile to your face.
Hannah thinks Peter was better than Jed Wyatt in bed
“I’ll be honest here: the sex wasn’t as good as it was with Peter,” she wrote. Apparently, Alabama Hannah, morally righteous and loved by Jesus, felt no shame about dropping details about her sex life within the franchise.
This is fortunate, considering that’s the only thing anyone cares about during fantasy suite week, and all we get on the show are loud breathing noises and a hotel room door.
While she called her fantasy suite date with Peter Weber “fun” (if it was sex just two times in the windmill, she might have called it “fine”), she claimed her date with Jed was “more like what a date night would feel like back home.” She wrote that her “emotional need for connection was more fulfilled” with him.
In a nutshell, her feelings for Jed were like sitting in a super safe Volvo (perhaps playing a dog food jingle on the radio) despite enjoying a spin in a Ferarri no less than four times.
Jed wanted to know if his manhood is bigger than Peter Weber’s
Hannah claimed Jed wanted all the details about her overnight date with Peter, and he even wanted to know who had a bigger penis.
She wrote, “He also asked me if his thing was bigger than Peter’s. Why do guys always ask that? ‘I don’t even remember,’ I told him. I just didn’t see how answering that question would be good for anybody.” (Well, that last sentence tells you everything you need to know.) Also, can Hannah just write the word penis, or does that make her blush?
Hannah didn’t believe her husband was on her season of The Bachelorette
Hannah also wrote about her time as lead on The Bachelorette, recalling her infamous conversation about pre-marital sex with Luke Parker. She remembered not feeling like her husband was in the room on night one.
After meeting all the guys, Hannah wrote, “I sat there thinking, ‘I don’t think he’s here. I don’t think he’s here at all!'”
Interestingly, Hannah explores in the book something which many fans of the show have probably wondered while watching. Does the lead really fall in love with multiple people so quickly?
Hannah wrote she had to force herself to “feel true feelings for men whom I didn’t have much more than a little crush on.” So, ladies and gentlemen, the entire premise of The Bachelor franchise.
Other details in the book include her struggle with eating disorders, the murder of her aunt and cousins, and a one-night stand with Peter Weber while his season of The Bachelor was airing.
The Bachelorette airs Tuesdays at 8/7c on ABC.