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Below Deck Season 4 Episodes 1 & 2 recap

Below Deck Season 4 Episodes 1 & 2 recap
Below Deck Season 4 Episodes 1 & 2 recap

Gotta confess that I tuned into the new season of Bravo’s “Below Deck” a little late, having just read all the articles about Kate Chastain’s arrest for domestic violence against her girlfriend a few months ago. Watching a show featuring a star who is a criminal is a HUGE turn off, not gonna lie.

It’s funny – last season, I’d almost decided that maybe I’d been overly judgmental of the Chief Stew who is so proud of her own “resting bitch face.” Sadly, it seems I was calling it all along. She’s not a very good person.

With that said, and despite her legal woes, Kate’s not acting like a royal bitch this season on “Below Deck,” even though one of her new stewardesses showed up a day late and had to be ferried out to the yacht. It seems that when they were filming this season, she was still happy-in-love with the professional athlete girlfriend she’s since been accused of hitting and biting.

Sierra Storm
Sierra Storm

Late-arriving new stew Sierra Storm’s name made me think she’d rival the inappropriate antics of Rocky Dakota last season (what’s with the porn star names?), but now I’m thinking she’s not a tramp like her predecessors. She’s just an idiot.

Sierra smiles all the time, even when she shouldn’t. The only plus is that it’s making Kate nuts – she’s not used to spending time in proximity to somebody who smiles all the time.

“She has happy resting face. You know who has those? Lunatics. And Labradors,” Kate says.

She forgot to put morons on her list.

“I look at her and think you should be a lot more bitchy because you’re so hot,” Kate says. Of course, that’s how Kate thinks.

“I’m not going to hold it against Sierra that she missed her flight. But she’ll be working double time to make up for it,” Kate says when Sierra arrives.

But honestly, after giving her newest staff member a little shit for being late, she’s been pretty fair. If only she could figure out how to wipe the smile off her face, Kate would probably like her.

“I look at her and think you should be a lot more bitchy because you’re so hot,” Kate says. Of course, that’s how Kate thinks.

Sierra is a beauty, but she’s not real bright. Watching her attempt to do math when she got her tip was painful. I think that if you look deeply into her eyes, you might see the back of her head.

Emily Warburton-Adams
Emily Warburton-Adams

I love the other new stew, Emily. She’s adorable. She looks like a blonde kewpie doll. And she seems to be a great team player. She’s British and was going to go to college to become a psychologist, but decided to work on boat crews instead. I suspect she may regret that when she’s a little older and running steps with trays isn’t as easy.

Of course, Captain Lee is back, and so is Chef Ben. Ben’s actually the ONLY member of “Below Deck” to appear on every season of the show in the Caribbean, and the Mediterranean season earlier this year.

I have a love/hate relationship with Ben – he’s really funny and a pleasure to watch. But he also behaves like a brat whenever he’s stressed out or things down go exactly as he wants them to go. He reminds me of some of the WORST catering chefs I’ve worked with at weddings. It doesn’t matter how good the food is if you act like a little bitch half of the time.

“Anything that happens during breakfast service, Ben is going to have a freak out,” Kate says.

Trevor
Trevor

Remember crybaby Kelly, Amy’s brother? He’s back with a promotion to Bosun. But he’s got a jealous #2 with a new guy named Trevor. Trevor is the Senior Deckhand and he feels it’s necessary to assert himself by bossing around his crew, Nico and Lauren. They’re fun, mellow people who take an instant dislike to their sort-of boss.

Trevor kicked things off on the wrong foot by ousting Nico from the upper bunk because he outranks him. I don’t usually use this word, but Trevor is a douchebag. Nico, on the other hand, handles things so well that you just know he’s going to be a great team player. And he’s hot.

Lauren is the third stew, in keeping with the “Below Deck” tradition of having a female deckhand. So far, she seems like less drama than any of the previous female deckhands. And she and Nico bonded early over a mutual dislike of Trevor.

Pretty sure Kelly would like to throw Trevor overboard, except the guy knows what he’s doing on the boat. I predict that one redeeming quality will not save him through an entire charter season. But Captain Lee has told Kelly to handle his staff, because he doesn’t want to do it for him.

Kelly
Kelley

Within minutes of “meeting” Trevor, I was having horrible flashbacks of Ramona Singer on “Real Housewives of New York City.” Trevor is sort of cross-eyed, like Ramona. But I can’t really figure out what’s off, or what his eyes are doing, and that’s distracting. I had the same problem with Ramona. I don’t mean to be unkind. It’s just the way it is.

“Trevor does strike me as an odd duck,” Ben says.

The first group of charter guests are a collection of women who have never met each other, brought together by one woman who is friends with all of them on Instagram. It’s a little weird, but they seem like a really nice group of girls. Seemed like they liked each other too, when they actually looked up from their phones long enough to interact.

There’s a lot of joking during the planning meeting about the fact they’re complete strangers, and they have exceptionally diverse food preferences.

“Each meal they could like or dislike,” Kate suggests. They’re working on a social media theme dinner.

“Hashtag f-ing nightmare,” Ben says about the guests’ menu requests.

Ben’s not sure what’s going on with Kate’s switch to the other team. He dated her – or at least slept with her – and it seems to be a blow to his masculinity that she’d rather date girls. Pretty hilarious, actually.

Ben
Ben

For the first time, a “Below Deck” boat starts out with three happy stews, working together as a team. But the deck crew is a hot mess. Kelly has to have his first serious conversation with Trevor during the first charter, and after the Senior Deckhand finds out his crew complained about them, he decides to be an even bigger asshole by sticking them with all the work.

He screws Nico with all the setup work at the beach party, and he sits on his ass online car shopping in front of Captain Lee while everybody else is working to clean up between charters. The worst was when Kelly asked him to do something and Trevor told him he was “busy” over the radio. Sooo disrespectful.

It’s a fun group of charter guests, and because they’re so busy with social media, they’re sort of low maintenance. Their biggest concern seems to be slow Wi-Fi.

“If these ladies would look up from their phones, they might be able to see all the #hardwork we’ve put in for them,” Kate complains.

“I actually starting to question whether they’re eating the food, or just posting it on Instagram,” Ben jokes.

Meanwhile, Kelly’s behaving like a pathetic horn-dog, whining about not having been laid in awhile. The guests are flirting with him, and he’s being more responsive than Trevor thinks he should. But at least he’s not taking off his shirt upon request like Trevor.

“I’m basically an outside butler who sets up toys. How often does the butler get a girl like this?” Kelly asks. But his behavior is met with derision by Trevor, of course.

Captain Lee
Captain Lee

Even Captain Lee is making fun of Trevor, and his “limp dick arm motions” when they’re weighing anchor. And the dude seems to have a tough time pulling the lines tight when they’re docking.

“Trevor needs to control his mouth. Just do it,” the captain says.

But Trevor is so bitter that Kelly is the boss, and his ego is so ginormous, that the deck crew combo is destined for some major blow ups.

“I haven’t gotten congratulated on anything I’ve done. I know I raised the charter tips,” Trevor says. How does his head fit into his cabin? The captain just told the deck crew they were doing an “okay” job.

Really, Trevor is the only dark spot for the happy crew of this yacht.

“Listen, y’all. Karma’s real,” Kate jokes, and then radios Trevor to tell him the crew toilet is clogged. It’s his job to deal with it. Gloved and masked, he gags his way through it. Couldn’t happen to a nicer person.

“This is Kelly’s first time as Bosun. I’ve actually been a bosun,” Trevor needs to be slapped. He’s not the boss. He may not even make it through the season as a deckhand at this rate.

They get a big tip, and the crew is headed out on the town together. Anyone who has ever watched this show knows that it’s never a good idea for the crew to go partying. It always ends badly. #predictable

But they’re not supposed to party hard because they have a charter in the morning. That doesn’t stop Trevor. He’s one of those pushy asshole drinkers who tries to get everybody else to get as drunk as he is. And he drinks chick drinks. #sorrynotsorry

Kate
Kate

“Kelly, drink the F*** up!” Trevor harasses his boss.

“He just strikes me as the type who could get out of control,” Ben observes. Understatement of the season, perhaps?

They head back to the boat pretty early, and everybody but Trevor is sober. He’s salty because nobody would dance or do shots with him. Then he starts bitching and whining to Kelly.

“My deckhands don’t listen to me,” Trevor complains to Kelly.

Kelly tells him they know their jobs and to stop bossing them around. And he tells him to take his drunk ass to bed. But instead, he gets in the Jacuzzi and insults Nico’s tattoo. Kelly tells him he’s rude, and he argues that he wasn’t being rude because he has a better tattoo. What the absolute f***?

“I’m done with this conversation… go to bed,” Kelly sends Trevor to his cabin. But the damage is done and Nico and Lauren have already made a run for it. They hate him.

“Sure enough, Kelly blows it out of proportion,” Trevor says. Then he overhears everybody talking about him, and comes back trying to start something. Kate tells Nico to sleep in a guest room, and Trevor gets sent to his room, again, by Kelly and Ben.

Captain Lee told Kelly he wanted to try to get through a whole season with the same crew, but Trevor’s first charter doesn’t bode well for achieving that goal. I’m pretty sure that this week’s episode will open up with the same cluster****. And I’ll be watching.

Sandy Malone is a reality TV star, expert wedding planner, and internationally-syndicated columnist for Conde Nast's BRIDES and The Huffington Post, in addition to Monsters... read more
Sandy Malone

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