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Below Deck Mediterranean recap: The Captain Sandy is up in everybody’s business edition

New Captain Sandy is literally up in everybody’s business on Below Deck Mediterranean

It’s rocky aboard the Sirocco, as Below Deck Mediterranean launches its second season out of Croatia.

The new captain is a micromanager. Big time.

“I know you’re used to running the boat. That’s not going to happen here,” Captain Sandy tells returning Chief Stew Hannah.

She goes through the kitchen cabinets, and gives her crew marching orders.

The new chef, Adam, is a hottie. But’s he’s got a big ego.

The captain sits down with him soon after he arrives.

New Chef Adam mistakes the Captain for a First Mate, or Chief Stew

“Come to me with any of your issues,” Captain Sandy says.

“Are you the First Mate?” Adam asks, dead serious.

“No, I’m the Captain,” she replies, with a smile.

“I thought you were the Chief Stew,” Adam says.

Way to make it worse. #Ouch

“If the food sucks, the charter sucks. No pressure,” Captain says.

“I apologize for misunderstanding your position on the boat,” Adam says.

The captain isn’t offended because it’s happened before.

Returning deckhand Bobby quit the fire department, and got braces after last season.

He also dated the third stew.

“I met Lauren at a nightclub with Bobby. She one was one of three dates,” Hannah says.

She hopes Lauren’s judgment isn’t a reflection on her job performance.

“I hope things aren’t going to be awkward,” Bobby says.

He says they dated for “a couple of months” and then Hannah poisoned Lauren against him.

Oh this definitely bodes well. Not.

But Bobby is already into new deckhand Malia, whose doing her first charter on a yacht.

The captain calls a meeting, and introduces the crew we never see the rest of the season.

“You’ll find that I’m not an asshole unless you don’t follow the rules,” she says.

She’s been in the industry 27 years.

“I don’t want to hear ‘on my last boat.’ Leave it on your last boat,” Captain says.

“I’m far more productive when captains back off and let me do my job,” Hannah says, when the captain calls her to the bridge and asks if she can be done prepping the boat in three hours.

Hannah tells her no, honestly.

“Can I help you?” Captain asks.

“I would never ask the captain to do cabins,” Hannah says, aghast.

The chief stew feels sexist because she’d never hand a cleaning caddy to a male captain.

This makes me LOVE Hannah more than I already do. #SuperFan

But the captain jumps in and helps clean cabins.

She also goes down into the gear room and tells new Bosun Wes he needs to make the place perfect.

“When we’re on charter, this door is always open,” Sandy shows Wes a disaster zone that must be cleaned up before the guests arrive.

So everybody on the crew has hooked up with somebody else on the crew.

Okay, not exactly, but close.

Bobby and Hannah had a brief fling last season.

Bobby was recently hooked up with Lauren, but not anymore.

Max expresses interest in Lauren and Bobby tells him he just finished bonking her in a total cock-block move even though he wants Malia.

New deckhand Max has safety concerns about the hot tub on the Sirocco

Chef Adam is also into Malia.

“I’ve met a lot of deckhands over the years, and none of them looked like Malia,” Adam says.

Wes and second stew Bugsy know each other in a special way, too.

“We might have made out one night, but there was a lot of alcohol involved,” Bugsy says.

More than a little incestuous, don’t you agree?

The first charter guests are picky eaters with a lot of personal preferences.

They call themselves “The Tribe.”

“I want a finish time of 9 o’clock,” the captain tells Hannah, although they have guests arriving in the morning.

“With a 9 pm curfew, this is really not going to work,” Hannah says.

Captain Sandy even assigns, and enforces, bedtimes on her boats

“Sleep sounds amazing, as does a self-cleaning boat,” Hannah snarks in interview.

“We got a pack of really hot cougars on board,” Bobby says, when he sees the guests in the morning.

The Tribe arrives at the boat for the first charter of the season on Below Deck Mediterranean

Then, the new captain totally horrifies me.

“I have an amazing crew. They’re not only professional. They’re also sexy,” Captain Sandy introduces the crew to the guests.

WTF???

I mean seriously, could you be any more degrading?

They try to take the guests out on the water to play with the toys, but they drop anchor too close to the rocks (not thinking much of this captain).

“We’re dragging anchor,” the Captain announces.

“The anchors are way too small on this boat to hold us in the high winds,” the captain says.

So why did you anchor so close?

They pull up the anchors, and head back to the dock.

“It sounds like Sandy has bigger fish to fry than my interior. Which is a good thing,” Hannah says, relieved.

Everybody is trying to start off the season on the right foot, but not everybody is succeeding.

“Last charter season, I was distracted by a cute girl. This season, I’m here to work,” Bobby says as they cast off from the dock

I call bulls*** on that one.

The many different preferences thing seems to baffle Chef Adam.

“I’ve never worked with a chef who puts Post-Its on the plates before,” Hannah says.

“Hannah, can I help you with anything?” Captain asks over the radio

“Yeah, leave me alone,” Hannah whispers, before responding appropriately

Chef Adam puts butter in the vegan dishes, and he’s really smug about it.

“I don’t think disregarding the guests’ preference is okay… but I’m not going to rat out my crew on the first charter,” Bugsy says.

But everybody loves the food.

The guests want to stay up late and party.

“If any guest asks for expresso martini after about 5 o’clock in the afternoon, I’m going to use decaf,” Hannah says.

Some of the guests go to bed after 1 am, and plan to meet for exercise at 7:30.

Who does that on vacation? That’s not fun.

The awake guests order regular, not-vegetarian nachos at 1:25 am.

“In my experience in yachting, going to wake up chefs is never fun,” Hanna says.

“Meat? Really?” Adam asks. “What happened to the preference sheet?”

“How did we go from like Veganville to nachos?” Adam asks.

“I am a vegan, but my alter-ego is not,” Adam jokes.

“My alter ego is a 16-year old stoner,” Hannah laughs.

The boat is really cool-looking, even if the guests and the captain are not.

This season’s new boat, the Sirocco, is absolutely gorgeous

The next morning Captain Sandy is in everybody’s face again.

“Captain Sandy’s got an eye on us,” Bobby says.

“This is the most green crew I’ve ever had,” the captain explains.

Captain Sandy makes Malia practice handling the tender in the middle of the charter, with the guests watching. In the middle of beach picnic set up.

It screws up the timing on the picnic.

“Come get me, I’m going to show you how to do it,” the captain says.

“I like that the captain is so involved,” one of the guests comments, watching.

How totally embarrassing for Malia!

The captain sends the food ashore with the guests in the same tender.

“I really don’t know if I can last the charter season with this captain,” Hannah says.

Sadly, as a wedding planner, I totally understand.

If the cake is supposed to be delivered at 4 pm, it’s NOT helpful to bring it at 3 pm. #JustSaying

Next week, Hannah and Chef Adam start bumping heads.

And the relationship drama starts between too many crew members who already have carnal knowledge of other crew members. #Awkward

Things we’re left wondering

What the hell is wrong with Captain Sandy? I understand taking a serious interest in things, but when you’re deciding how and when to send out the food, you’re stepping on toes. Get out of the freaking kitchen, Captain!

How hard did Bravo work to find THIS MANY crew members who have hooked up with other crew members, all on one cast. You’ve got Hannah and Bobby’s little stuff last season, Lauren and Bobby’s recently-ended relationship, and Wes and Bugsy’s drunken fling. Am I missing anyone? Probably.

Below Deck Mediterranean airs Tuesdays at 9/8c on Bravo.


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