Marriage Boot Camp: Tara Reid is a hot mess edition

Marriage Boot Camp: Reality Stars – Tara Reid is a hot mess according to Sandy

The new season of WEtv’s “Marriage Boot Camp: Reality Stars” has started, and tonight I’m just left asking the question – what is Tara Reid doing on this show?

She’s supposed to be participating with her on-again, off-again boyfriend Dean, but says that she’s trying to figure out if they should take it from friendship to another level. I get that production was all excited to have her on the show, but is this couple really the best match? She’s so excited to be there that she missed the first day entirely.

But we’ll come back to that. As usual, there are four other couples, all of whom appear to actually want to save their marriages and relationships.

Michelle and Cody met on Bachelor Paradise, and he’s ready to go to the next level. She’s not.

“We have legitimate communication and trust issues that we can’t seem to work past,” Michelle says.

Cody doesn’t think their problems are big. He’s an online personal trainer who constantly takes selfies and she finds that annoying.

“Here’s to the beginning of the beginning,” she toasts him, after they’re the first to arrive at the mansion.

“I hope this doesn’t ruin us,” Cody says.

“Me too,” Michelle says

How’s that for optimism?

“They’re trying way too hard,” Marriage Boot Camp Director Jim Carroll observes, from the control room, where he’s watching them.

Toya and Memphitz are next to arrive. They’re from the music world, and they got married on Toya’s reality TV show, but their marriage is not going well.

“I feel like my mom sold her the deed to my ass without telling me,” Memphitz says.

Lisa and Adam arrive at the same time, driving their freaky fallout–shelterish camo Jeep. She was on “America’s Next Top Model.”

Memphitz can’t believe the truck – turns out that Adam is a doomsday prepper, and that’s why they’re on the show.

“Adam’s little hobby of being a doomsday prepper isn’t a hobby anymore,” Lisa says.

Then British and Lorenzo arrive – he’s an overseas pro ball player and she’s on “Basketball Wives LA” (don’t any of these shows actually use people who are married?). Lorenzo’s got some fidelity issues. British has got temper problems.

“When British get mad, she try to run me over with a car,” Lorenzo says.

Last, Dean walks in alone, and tells everybody he’s with Tara Reid. But where’s Tara?

“In my relationship, Tara’s work takes precedence a lot,” Dean explains. But it doesn’t sound like there really is a romantic relationship. It sounds complicated.

“This happens with Tara every single time so I’m used to it by now,” Dean says. Well, that’s something to look forward to, isn’t it?

“It’s on right now, it could be off next week,” Dean says. Again, are they really the best candidates for Marriage Boot Camp? Maybe a dating show would be more appropriate.

“Boot Camp Police just arrived. My heart just dropped,” Lorenzo says when boot camp directors Jim and Elizabeth Carroll walk in to address them.

“At the end of the day, this is 100 percent on you,” Elizabeth explains.

They send everybody down for the first therapy exercise, and take Dean aside to tell him that if Tara’s not there, they can’t do the show. They tell him to go get her. The whole thing is so uncomfortable.

We see Dean climbing into some producer’s car with the whole family of people stickers on the back of it. He’s going to bring Tara Reid back in the mom-mobile? Hilarious.

Oh, but Tara’s not going anywhere when he finds her on the set of a movie she’s filming. This is even more awkward to watch.

“You can’t just come on my set and yell at me. I have to stay in character,” Tara lectures him. Btw, Tara – he wasn’t yelling.

He says he’ll wait for her, and she doesn’t like that. She wants him to go on to boot camp without her. She doesn’t seem to grasp that the contract for the show requires two of them. Oh, and it’s hard to do couples therapy without both halves of a couple.

“You’re being a baby,” Tara says. She doesn’t seem very nice. But he seems a little weird.

Meanwhile, back at the mansion, Montel Williams greets the couples in the first Marriage Boot Camp exercise. Basically, he’s doing a Q&A with them not dissimilar to getting torn apart on a TV talk show. With an audience.

“This boot camp only works if you’re coming to the table honest,” Montel says. He starts asking probing questions.

“I came to Marriage Boot Camp because of infidelity, because of trust issues,” British has no problem calling out Lorenzo.

Then Montel shows the video clip of Lorenzo saying that he looks for attention elsewhere. Montel tells British he questions her motives for why she’s with Lorenzo.

I do, too. It’s all about the money. And if she weren’t with him, she couldn’t be a Basketball Wife.

Montel points out that problems are occurring when British doesn’t travel with Lorenzo. They use an example of a recent photo from Israel. I’m not really sure where all of this is going. It’s clear she’s a gold-digger and he’s a cheater.

Michelle seems very concerned about what other people think of Cody. He constantly posts sexy bodybuilding pictures of himself online. She’s sick of the selfies.

Lisa tells Montel that she and Adam are there because of his fear. His doomsday prepping hobby is hurting their relationship. Adam’s pissed she won’t learn how to shoot and “protect her family.”

“I think this whole fear thing is jeopardizing this amazing family we could have,” Lisa tells Montel.

Memphitz and Toya are in serious trouble. As in avoiding-each-other trouble.

“I need my own space… I just decided to put my man cave across town. And it’s working out great,” Memphitz says. I DARE my husband to try that s**t.

Toya says she gave Memphitz a “hall pass.” But of course, he’s not supposed to use it.

Montel asks her if she’s crazy giving her husband a “hall pass.”

Toya says Memphitz misses his single life.

Montel says a man won’t feel married if his wife gives him a hall pass.

“Memphitz, be honest, have you used it?” Montel asks.

There’s lots of hemming and hawing.

“Yes or no!” Montel demands.

“Maybe I used it once,” Memphitz says. If he’s admitting to once, I’m betting it’s more like three or four times. Yikes!

Elizabeth explains that a hall pass creates more damage to the relationship.

“All of you guys have a lot of work,” Montel says. And that’s without Tara and Dean.

Everybody’s speculating about where Tara and Dean are, and whether they’re coming back at all. When Jim and Elizabeth send them up to their bedrooms, the fifth couple still hasn’t arrived.

The rooms theme is actually better than some they’ve done in the past. At least there aren’t horrific tabloid headlines posted everywhere.

Lisa and Adam get a prepper room, and she’s horrified.

There are ginormous selfies of Cody all over Michelle and Cody’s room. The start arguing as soon as they get in there.

Toya and Memphitz have two beds in their room.

British and Lorenzo have nothing in their room.

“No! This is like hell!” British jokes, yelling out the window for help.

Then Tara and Dean roll up, in the mom-mobile. LOL

Jim and Elizabeth greet them at the door and invite them to sit down for a commitment lecture.

“You’ve missed a full day,” Elizabeth says.

“We just got here, I’m stressing out,” Tara says. It’s clear she doesn’t really get how bad missing Day One really was.

“I’ve heard that Tara is crazy. But you can’t judge a book by its cover because people say I’m crazy…” British jokes, listening in from the staircase.

Tara and Dean claim to be committed to the program, and head up to find their bedroom. The conversation that ensues further highlights why they have no business being there.

“Living together for a week. We’re going to die,” Dean says.

Tara agrees.

What are they doing on Marriage Boot Camp? It doesn’t even seem like they have an actual relationship.

The teasers look like something is going to get nasty next week. And Tara’s going to throw a fit about doing the exercise where your loved one has died.

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again – WHY DON’T YOU PEOPLE WATCH THE SHOW BEFORE YOU SIGN UP TO BE ON IT? They do most of the same exercises for therapy every season. No excuse for going in blind.

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