Monsters and Critics columnist Liz Long recaps The Bachelorette, Season 17, Episode 4, with a little help from a glass of pinot (or two) …
Hello my Rose-Lovers … I’m feeling more and more confident in calling you Rose-Lovers now that my fondness for our lead Katie has reached all-time highs. You see, tonight, she made us all proud when she sent Thomas packing.
But it wasn’t just the fact that she sent him home — it was the WAY she did it.
Remember when Hannah B. overtly moved the podium AWAY from Luke? Well, tonight, Katie gave us a similar moment: *taking one sharp step back* she declared, “Your Bachelor audition ends tonight, Thomas.”
Hold onto your butts, folks, and find a gigantic plate of fettuccini while you’re at it – because it’s your Red Wine Recap.
Andrew S. versus Tre
So you’d think the drama tonight would all revolve around all the good guys of the house versus the one bad seed, Thomas.
And, for the most part, it did.
But a divide came when Andrew S. (who apparently has an on-and-off English accent) told Tre and the other guys that they don’t need to tell Katie that Thomas is toxic. She can figure that out for herself.
The first rule of Fight Club: don’t talk about the other men in the house when having your time with the lead.
But Tre decided to go against Andrew S.’s sound wisdom and told Katie about Thomas’s tool-baggery. Katie rewards him with the group date rose, Tre is all smug like I told you so, Andrew – and we are just left wondering when Blake Moynes will show up.
Blake Moynes enters Katie’s love journey for his third Bachelorette try!
And, just like that, Tayshia knocks on Katie’s door (not necessarily to talk with Katie about her Thomas’s misgivings), but, rather, to cryptically tell her a guy from Tayshia’s past is here – but our cheeky co-host doesn’t want to ruin the surprise.
(As if Bachelor Nation doesn’t already know it’s Blake Moynes. ABC, we’ll play along.)
Cue Blake standing in the middle of the barren resort with nothing better to do.
Oh hi, Katie. I’m just here chilling in my tight pants and white tennies acting all nonchalant before turning dramatically to tell you we’re meant to be after I failed with two other Bachelorettes and after BIP didn’t accept me.
Katie expresses her (understandable) hesitancy about letting Blake into her journey, but he assures her, if things go as planned, they would end up engaged.
Okay, so that feels a little extreme, Blake. But, I gotta admit, something about these two seems like they could work. But then I remind myself of Katie and Michael A.’s date from last week (and, of course, we still have the cutey-patootie Greg Grippo … and, at one point, we had Connor B. who fell flat real quick) – so yeah, we have a lot of contenders, Mr. Moynes! We don’t really need your horny self coming in and throwing a presumptuous wrench in things.
Breathe, Elizabeth. (Sorry, guys – I didn’t know I felt that protective over Michael A. and Greg Grippo, but apparently I do.)
So Katie needs to think on it and now we have a rose ceremony to get to.
What’s a girl to do?
Well, Thomas doesn’t give her much room to think because there he is, showing up and working his smooth-talk to assure her that, yes, Katie – I DID come on this show to be the next Bachelor, but I assure you – my intentions are pure.
And, you know what guys, the salmon-blazered wonder almost had our girl. He ALMOST had her. Heck, the producers even made us wait a commercial break after she called his name for what might have been a rose.
But, I had faith in our girl last week, and true to my prediction – she sent Thomas home.
With a step back and a great line, she made all of her guys proud: “Thomas – you’re selfish, unkind, and a liar. Your Bachelor audition ends tonight. So get out.”
The facial expressions of all the men were priceless (and please follow our Insta page as I plan to capture them all there), but, I’d be remiss if I didn’t include our ol’ pal Justin on here now:
We are almost done, but just one last piece of unfinished business: Operation find Blake Moynes, who appears to have been doing private things alone in his room. Ah, put on some pants, Blake … you’re in! Katie is ready for you to hop on this love journey with her now that Thomas is gone, and maybe third times a charm for you, ol’ pal.
Blake is all yay! But from what we see in the previews for next week, HE is now the one front and center of the firing squad – especially our resident Perez Hilton in disguise, aka, Hunter. It’s gonna be a showdown, folks! And I hope you’ll watch it with me.
Til’ next week, my friends! In the meantime, pasta on!
The Bachelorette airs on Monday nights at 8/7c on ABC.