The Bachelor FAQ for The Women Tell All: Continuing to have no idea

The Bachelor's Peter Weber is pictured in season 24 episode 10
Season 24, Episode 10 of The Bachelor: All’s well. Pic credit: Bachelor Nation on ABC/YouTube

What happened last week on The Bachelor?

No one has the faintest idea.

There was a lot of crying and trailed-off sentences, and then Madison walked away from Peter at some point during the non-dining dinner portion of their Fantasy Suite date, and we don’t know if she’s off the show, or told him to go leap down an emergency slide, or what.

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Also, he had sex with Victoria and Hannah Ann.

What happens this week on The Bachelor?

It’s Women Tell All Week.

But first, the rose ceremony that should have been shown last week, but wasn’t, because all the relevant air time was dedicated to Peter attempting an Australian accent and, worse, his many beaded bracelets.

Have any of these women shown an increased understanding of what actually goes into life as a real-world pilot wife?

No, and you know what? Pilots have this Hollywood reputation of being reckless, daring, dangerous, and hotheaded, roaring around Miramar on their motorcycles, and blowing up Imperial dreadnaughts without direct supervisor permission.

This is the case for some pilots, particularly fictional ones who are never shown at union meetings talking about dental plans for four hours straight.

But, actual pilots tend to be structured, careful, left-brained, and safety-conscious. At least mine is. Yours should be that way too, really, if you want to continue having a pilot.

In this era of incredibly safe aviation (there are 29,000 commercial flights a day in the United States alone, all happily taking off and landing without incident except for the uninterrupted exposure to horrible fellow human beings in the row ahead and across the aisle and on either side), there’s not a lot of room for requesting a flyby.

The reckless behavior professional pilots engage in, actually, is the act of deciding to become a professional pilot.

This isn’t the case so much now as it was until quite recently, thanks to a loosening job market due to a pilot shortage.

However, it wasn’t so long ago that work as a pilot was so scarce that some were paying regional airlines to work in order to gain experience.

But still — student and flight school loans on top of initial low pay on top of a tendency for assignment in areas with a high cost of living makes for some death-defying acts of budgeting.

So to be a professional pilot, you really, really have to want to be a professional pilot. It’s a passion position.

In this sense, pilots are essentially the Interpretive Dance majors and modern textile artists of the STEM career field. It’s a decision made with the gut, and there’s often no room for wobbly women who cannot form a sentence without using “like” as an adjective, verb, noun, AND a coordinating conjunction. Pilot wives must demonstrate flexibility, and I don’t mean on a pole.

Pilot wives, even if they have zero interest in aviation, are in aviation whether they want to be or not. And Peter, for all his ill-made accessory purchasing decisions, seems to truly love aviation.

So fasten your seat belts securely and low, ladies, because you may not enjoy what comes after the cameras turn off, everybody’s kicked out of the Fantasy Suite, and you move to your 2/1 apartment in Detroit.

Sounds amazing!

It is!

Madison, are you looking forward to spending Christmas Even hunching into the open canopy of a small airplane on a deserted ramp at 2 AM in Pine Bluff, Arkansas, while he figures out how to work a self-serve avgas pump in the dark?

I have!

Hannah Ann, what do you think about you and your high heels standing in the same place in an aviation museum for 45 minutes while your man conducts a discussion about landing gear struts?

That’s how I passed one recent Saturday!

Victoria, who’s gonna wake up in a Days Inn at 6 AM to him shaking you while shouting “AIRSHOW TIIIIIIIIIMMMMMMMMMEEEE!”

Me! And–if you get your way– you, kiddo!

I can put up with this because I have at least some interest in airplanes and used to work as an educator at the Kennedy Space Center, and volunteer at air and space museums, but then again, I’m weird, and wandered off to admire the missile display during the landing strut discussion.

But for the most part, airplane hangars don’t take kindly to French manicures.

See you tonight for the liveblog at 8.

Bachelor 2020 Sneak Peek: The Dramatic End of Season 24 - The Bachelor

The Bachelor airs Mondays on ABC at 8/9c.

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