Monsters and Critics columnist Liz Long recaps The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, Season 12, Episode 12, Beverly Hills Blackout, with a little help from a glass of Pinot (or two)….
Hello my Housewives-Lovers! And welcome to another recap of our Beverly Hills Housewives, aka, what will Drunk Erika do next?
She’s already cussed out kids, been drunk on a boat, and recommended laxatives to a woman with an eating disorder. So what’s left?
I know! She can get drunk at Diana’s Christmas party and loudly sing over the top of the musical performance of the night.
Move over David Foster and Diana’s husband in the red suit.
EJ is in town and it’s a “mess” but not a “pretty” one.
So pour your cognac or tea if you’ve got it, and let’s recap.
Erika Jayne gets drunk at a party … again
So we pick up from last week where everyone is gathered at Diana’s house (did anyone mention yet how “gorgeous” it is), where everyone is drinking “Golly-Gasms” and having a jolly ol’ time.
What’s more, we have Asher, Diana’s little husband in red, who is going to delight us in song as he takes on the Christmas classic, “Oh Holy Night.”
While every part of me wanted to dislike his singing, I’ll admit – it was sounding pretty decent. And as the Housewives began to cry at the tender moment, we hear:
It’s none other than Drunk EJ, who, as Garcelle mused, might miss the spotlight.
Erika yells out to Asher, “hit the high note!”
But, alas, he doesn’t, and we are left to analyze Erika’s drunken behavior – yet again.
Now, I feel like a broken record because we have Kyle talking about giving Erika a “pass” while Garcelle shows concern. I mean, this IS three strikes in a row here.
Kyle claims Garcelle is “baiting” her to “label” Erika as a drunk (say what?!) and refuses to “take the bait” given her and Kim’s past issues.
I’m sorry, but while Kyle might be justified in not wanting to “label” someone, I really don’t feel like Garcelle was “baiting her.”
As Crystal astutely noted, “Kyle’s idea of being a loyal friend is blindly following them. I would want my friends to call me out if I was doing something.”
Amen to that, Crystal!
And I think Rinna heard your words, Ms. Minkoff, because the next day or so, she goes to pay Erika a little visit to deliver her some truth.
After Erika reveals to Rinna that she blacked out, vomited, and hit her head when she got home from Diana’s, Rinna jumps off the Enabling Train and says, “You were out of control. The meds and the drinks ain’t mixin.’ You gotta stop.”
Erika is receptive and thanks Rinna for telling her, but that’s not going to stop her from having a cognac later.
PK’s DUI Headline is a snooze-fest
And speaking of alcohol issues, we are reminded this episode that PK got a DUI.
Is it just me, or does this “storyline” for Dorit feel extremely boring?
I mean, even Kyle hardly cared!
Dorit: *upon entering Kyle’s house*: “I mean, the headline kills me, Kyle.”
Kyle: “What headline?”
Their conversation turns to how PK told Mo about the DUI, but Mo didn’t tell Kyle about it, and g*SJdkaljZZZzzzzzzzzghjk.
Sorry. Just dozed off there.
Onto more interesting things! Like Sutton’s dating life! For the record, she has gone on six dates this year and we are about to witness her seventh!
Sutton Stracke goes on a date!
And it’s with none other than the guy the ladies all Facetimed … Sanjit!
Fun fact: Sanjit was on Jeopardy!
This was their second date, and as much as Sanjit wanted to bond over a little music conversation with Sutton, Sutton was too busy talking about her neuropathy to truly “tune” in. (See what I did there.)
This appears to turn Sanjit off – so much so that he sort of declines Sutton’s hint at a third date.
What’s a girl to do.
Well, if that girl is Erika, you just have sex and say screw the dating scene.
Erika trashes Sutton, calling her the ‘Master of her Own Disaster’
Erika meets up with Garcelle and it’s as if Erika knows accountability is about to be on the menu because she orders a “camomile tea with honey.”
But sorry, EJ. At this restaurant, hot drinks are a “no no” upstairs so you better figure something else out.
“Okay, I’ll have a cognac.”
Tea or cognac. They are so similar, after all. Hey, at least she tried to go the dignified route.
Garcelle, of course, points out that Erika has been “tipsy” the last few times they were together and Erika says, “who are we kidding, I was blacked out.”
Garcelle notes that the first step is recognizing you have a problem and she’s doing that, so kudos to you, EJ.
Suddenly, the conversation takes an odd turn, and Erika states, “I’m glad you have Sheree because Sutton is a liability for you. She’s unpredictable.”
Again, I’m sorry but WHAT?!
Garcelle: “The bottom line is Erika is a liability just walking around every day.” (Speak, Queen!)
Erika goes on to tell Garcelle, “You don’t have to protect her. She’s a big girl,” and did I just step into the Twilight Zone or something, because isn’t this exactly what Kyle and the Fox Force do for Erika?!
Am I hallucinating?!
Erika tops it off by calling Sutton the Master of her Own Disaster, and I am officially done with this nonsense.
Next week, Rinna invites the girls over to sample her new Rinna Rose, and no shocker here, it looks like we are going to have our fifth EJ mess of the season. But let’s talk again how Sutton is the Master of her Own Disaster, Erika.
‘Til next week, my Housewives-lovers!
The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills airs Wednesdays at 8/7c on Bravo.