Monsters and Critics columnist Liz Long recaps The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, Season 11, Episode 7, Defining Women, with a little help from a glass of Rose (or two) …
Hello my Dah-lings and welcome to your weekly Red Wine Recap of these kooky Housewives. This week, we continued with the whole Crystal / Sutton did I “violate” you thing, and, thankfully, Crystal was there for us with a verbatim definition of what it means to “violate” someone!
In the meantime, we had Lisa Rinna throwing out the name “Scott Disick” whenever she got the chance, pretending like it pained her… If I didn’t know any better, I would say she was enjoying this.
Pour your Dom and grab your toffees, it’s your recap. Let’s go.
To violate or not to violate – that is the question
So I first must say, you’d think we’d still be talking about Ms. Erika Jayne this week. But, I gotta tell ya, folks – this was a pretty dull episode. So unless you want to talk about how Erika went to a cryogenic spa with Sutton or how she went Christmas shopping with Rinna – may I suggest we focus on the fun moments of this episode, which largely occurred at the end at “Kyle’s cocktail party.”
The ladies all put on their glam best – including gold go-go boots for Erika – to have daytime drinks at the Huntley. Sutton wore an awkwardly large bow on her blouse, and as Garcelle said …
But I’m not going to harp on Sutton’s fashion choices or even poke fun of her this week… because this week, I was #TeamSutton! In fact, I think ALL the ladies sided with the gift-giving Southerner this week.
Over drinks, the whole situation of Sutton walking in on Crystal naked in Tahoe came up again, with the ladies all saying “violate” is a strong word and usually has a sexual connotation.
But you better believe Crystal had Webster’s definition of “violate” at the ready! “To violate is to abuse your privacy… I don’t see anything about ‘sexual’ in there.”
Wow. Thank you for that, Crystal. If I didn’t know any better, I would say you studied that definition last night and came equipped with it.
Unfortunately, for Sutton (and the rest of us), Crystal says she will never back down from that word – even if the ladies all pointed out that violation needs to have some ill-intent behind it.
And though Sutton is a self-proclaimed “weirdo” – she is a sweet Southern girl who would never mean any harm. (It’s a good thing you gave Erika that divorce kit this week, Sutton, because she is a good one to have on your side!) And, you gotta love Kathy – making light of it all and dubbing Sutton the “peeping Thomasina.”
Rinna even came around to being on #TeamSutton after she found the time to not talk about Scott Disick.
We have begun the Amelia/Scott storyline
Now I don’t know if “The Lord” Scott will ever grace us over here on Bravo, but that doesn’t mean we won’t hear his name over in the Housewives land.
Lisa – a self-proclaimed “momager” – gives me the sense that she wouldn’t mind being the next Kris Jenner. And so – to me – in my HUMBLE opinion, it feels like she would jump at the chance to have any association with the Kardashian clan.
We all know Kyle is close with Kris, but that friendship doesn’t necessarily translate to Rinna and Kris.
In fact, when Rinna told Erika about the blossoming romance between Amelia and Scott (while simultaneously pretending she disapproved of it), Erika asked her, “Has anyone on that side of the family reached out to you?”
To which Lisa humbly remarked, “no.”
Then, over drinks, Lisa was finding a way to fit in Scott’s name any way she could. (“Should we walk over to this fabulous charcuterie spread, Lisa?” Lisa: “Should I call him Lord when I meet him?”) Or, hey Lisa – I really like your black jumpsuit and heels. Lisa: “Hey, did you hear Amelia is dating Scott Disick?”
Kyle says he’s too old with three kids, but Garcelle points out that in her own family, “step” grandkids have really become all of her own, which has been the biggest blessing. Everyone jokes that Rinna will be a grandma to Kortney’s kids and Rinna is all “noooooo” (but you know what she was really thinking).
So that about does it for the highlights this week, friends. I would be remiss if I didn’t leave you with a photo of Kyle’s daughter Portia when her oldest sister (BFF) Sophia surprised her:
Now THAT’S a reaction!
Next week, it looks like a lot of the same stuff from this week – more single Erika activities with the ladies (this time she plays tennis!), more talk of Scott Disick, and more drama between Crystal and Sutton! (The moment when Sutton calls Crystal’s pants ugly). Til’ then, my loves!
The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills airs Wednesdays at 8/7c on Bravo.