Monsters & Critics columnist Liz Long recaps Married at First Sight, Season 12, Episode 5, Last Night was Magic, with the help of a glass of pinot (or two) …
Well guys, my original headline for tonight’s MAFS episode was geared toward Vince and Briana … I really wanted to make this work … you know, to make this a fun and loving happy post. Alas, my desire to shake Paige silly got the best of me.
We’re not on the same Paige, folks.
Paige is not on the same page with her lady castmates. She’s not on the same page as the viewers. And she certainly isn’t on the same page with Chris. Try as he might to brainwash her into thinking this marriage has a fighting chance.
You know what …
NOT TODAY CHRIS!
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Not today. Just to spite the crap you’re putting this season through, I’m going to first start out with the best moments (including Haley and Jake in their neon glasses and Sophie the Dolphin!) So stew on that.
Bri and Vincent – Magic in the air
Ahhhh Bri and Vince. The dynamic, well-dressed duo keeping our MAFS Season 12 hopes alive.
They’ve established a deeper connection after learning of Vince’s grandmother’s hospitalization (she’s doing better now, btw!), and have decided to take their marriage to the next level.
And I ain’t mad at it.
And Bri is definitely not mad at it. Over dinner, she flashes a megawatt smile as Vince charms her with his subtle humor (“Father Father dim the lights!” (referring to the moon)) and his ability to be extremely expressive with his feelings: “We’re more than husband and wife. We’re a match made in Heaven.”
And, yes, for the record … regarding the title of this episode, the magic last night … well, that was between these two.
Not today, Chris, not today is right.
Moving on to the next happy moment, we have Erik getting extremely happy with not only Virginia, but the little drinkey drink!
Virginia is rubbing off on Erik
Looks like that fun-loving little wifey of his is rubbing off on him. From “Vegas bombs” in the pool, to his little side-interview over dinner, I’d say Erik is loving life!
Erik is smitten with his new wife and tells her he even misses her when she leaves the room (making it hard for him to think about the 15 days he’ll be gone a month flying planes).
Not today, Chris, not today, indeed.
Oh, let’s see … where else can we find our happy moments.
Well, there was that cute little dolphin (Sophie) that Clara and Ryan met … and, yes, happy dolphins need to be my focus when I talk about these two. Okay, okay, so they are really establishing that friendship foundation. And, yes, that’s a good thing.
But I need less talkin’ and more smoochin’ out of you two! You know, like when Vince breezes through the door, saying “daddy’s home” and then greets Bri with a kiss. Stuff like that. I have yet to see one spontaneous kiss from these two … even on their first “date” … they talked … and talked … and talked.
Even awkward Jake and Haley had a kiss on their romantic dinner date!
NOT TODAY, CHRIS, NOT TODAY!
What’s that? I’ve exhausted all the other couples? You mean, we have to talk about THAT now?
Chris drops some baby bomb news on Paige
Let’s recap Paige’s first 3 days of being Mrs. Williams thus far:
Day 2: He disappears after having two “moments” with you and tells you he’s not attracted to you.
Day 3: He tells you his ex-FIANCE is pregnant.
Paige, don’t swim in the abyss any longer. It’s time to say:
Everyone has been thinking it. They just don’t want to say it.
They wait until their private confessionals to really say what’s on their mind. Clara calls it “Stockholm syndrome” while Bri is softer in her approach suggesting that Paige thinks less about herself. But, even Vincent–who has been trying to be as diplomatic as possible with Chris–says:
“If I were in Paige’s shoes, I would have dipped out.”
Paige is all “marriage is no joke” and while I scream at my TV, “EXCEPT THIS ONE!” … Chris, the little dickens, is working his way back into her mantra of “there must be a reason we were matched.”
Through an apology over dinner and telling her he would put her over his child (while also asking her how she’d feel about playing “Stepmom”)–again, on their third day of marriage–Chris manages to bring Paige from this to this:
All that’s left is for everyone to pow-wow around the hotel lounge and compare marriages. When Chris realizes that the other couples don’t have baby-mamma drama, Chris once again plays victim while Paige miraculously comforts HIM. Virginia and Erik come late to the party and are last to hear the baby bomb news.
Unfortunately for Erik and Virginia, playfulness mixed with alcohol is a deadly combination for Chris. Their questions of “what’s going on with you Chris?” and “is the baby yours?” were just enough to draw some battle lines in the Mandalay Bay sand.
Next week, tensions between the pilot and the biggest disappointment in MAFS history come to a head as the two literally almost come to blows with each other.
Leave it to champagne Vinny to step in and keep the cool.
Ahhhh yes. Champagne Vinny. Bringing me back to my happy notes and high hopes…
Not today, Chris. Not today.
Til’ next week, MAFS-Lovers!
Married at First Sight airs on Wednesdays at 8/7c on Lifetime.