Monsters and Critics columnist Liz Long recaps Married at First Sight Season 10, Episode 13, with a little help from a glass of pinot (or two)…
Hey, MAFS-Lovers. Welcome to your weekly recap! Where the new synonyms for “lying” are “very misleading” and “extreme exaggeration”! Ay-yi-yi. Is it wine-thirty yet?
Now, if you’ll recall, last week, all five couples (miraculously) recommitted. What is even more miraculous? It has taken three weeks until Decision Day for Mindy to declare, “It’s over.”
But declare it, she did.
So get your things, “Zatch!” All three of them to be exact. And don’t let the door hit ya on your way out.
Mindy calls it quits with Zach, finally
Na-na-na-nah! Na-na-na-nah! Hey, hey, hey. Gooood bye.
That’s right, folks. D-day came a little early for Zach. Or a little late, depending on your viewpoint. Let’s recap the events, shall we?
Because there were some highlights that we just need to re-live.
Mindy has lunch with her (REAL) girlfriends. You know. The ones who have her back? Like REAL friends do? I’m talkin’ to you, Lindsey!
Over lunch, Mindy displays signs that she is still hanging on to Zach’s “bare minimum” efforts.
MINDY: But he slept over, guys!
FRIEND 1: Yeah, and how did that go?
MINDY: But he has apologized, guys!
FRIEND 2: Yeah, and how is that going?
MINDY: But he told me the big secret about the lie I apparently told him, guys! Apparently, a person told him my ex would pick me up from the airport!
Who, Mindy?? Who told you this illicit secret?!
FRIEND 3: I think I know who the anonymous person is…
ME: OMG, WHO!?! WHO?!!?
Dun dun dun!
Don’t mess with our Mindy, Lindsey! But, thankfully, this was the straw that broke the camel’s back. After the gazillion red flags, circular conversations, and second-chances, Mindy is ready to let go.
And all of MAFS-Nation was happy. For now. Don’t weaken, Mindy!
Zach comes over and is happy but doesn’t know the fire he’s about to face.
Hey, Mindy! Cheers to the great week I’ve had! But Mindy ain’t having it …
Mindy calls him out on his B.S., and my joy quickly turns to anger because Zach is completely unphased and would rather play with the dog or the hole in his jeans!
He is now supposed to grab his imaginary things and leave. Might these “things” be the solo rolled-up t-shirt in the drawer and those sweatpants Mindy liked?
And for those paying close attention, yes, Zach did take his glass of wine with him to the bedroom to get those “things.”
Oh, and lookie there. I was right. Would ya just look at all of those belongings?…
Nevermind that poor Mindy, with a tear-stained face, is the only one showing any kind of emotion, here.
Come on, man. Go back to Bayside High in your acid wash jeans and leave what is — and always has been — MINDY’S Apartment.
Can we just have the divorce party, already? By the way, divorce looks good on you, Mindy. Cheers, kid.
Meka & Michael: I’ll show you my paystubs if you show me yours
For recommitment to work, Meka needs more from Michael. So they sit on the bed… she gently takes his hand… and says:
“I’m definitely ready to show you my pay stubs.”
As Meka whips her stubs out, Michael — who hasn’t blinked in a hot minute — replies, “I don’t have those, but I DO have this handy-dandy offer letter that happens to be neatly folded up by my bedside.”
*Meka peering over her reading glasses quietly and realizing the offer letter is forged…*
MICHAEL: So, like, I also have whatever this thing is on my phone that breaks it down more, and if you compare these numbers to these numbers and carry the one, well, really the zero, and then drop the zero, then, yeah, that’s like my take-home pay.
If that makes sense.
ME: Clarification, Michael? Would that be gross or net?
Ah, crikey. Meka was a math major, guys…
MEKA *looking at the documents*…
Um, producers? Yeah, Montre.
Montre tries to talk Meka off the ledge, suggesting she tell Michael she needs him to stop lying. But Meka definitively states: “Nothing I say will make him stop lying.”
Cut to the end of the episode when Michael’s sister, Tonya, explains that Michael’s authentic self was rejected at a younger age, which makes Meka say: “If I work with Michael on that, he might stop lying.”
Well, okay then!
Taylor & Brandon are starting to look normal by comparison
But carry on guys. I’m all for love, and you guys sharing a master bedroom again.
And to add to my confusion, Brandon is suddenly kinda likable with his huge, boyish smiles at the end of each of their conversations. I’ve never seen this smile and now two in one episode!?
What is happening here? Brandon and Taylor looking like the most functional couple of the episode?! Just compliment Taylor’s outfit, Brandon! And we should be good.
Jessica & Katie get a little vulnerable
I’m just going to clump these two ladies together because their vulnerability is what made them stand out tonight.
Katie revealed her parents’ divorce at age 10 made her not have much of a dreamy childhood. This might be the cause of her wanting to kill Derek’s dreams last episode.
It was a tender moment from Katie-one we don’t see too often.
And it’s a side she will need to show more if she wants to keep big-kid Derek around. (OMG, how cute was it when he suggested taking her to Dave & Buster’s to blossom her inner child that never developed?)
Jess is still wanting an “I love you,” and she won’t say it until Austin does. Well, she won’t say it until Dr. Bibiana gives her a little nudge.
I’m sure a session with Dr. B isn’t exactly where Jess envisioned finally saying these three words — let alone saying them first — but this is exactly what happened.
And what did this vulnerability earn her? Crickets. Sorry, Jess. Austin’s not on your timeline. Again, though, I’m not worried about you two.
And that about does it for this week, guys. Next week, these crazy kids go on a couples’ retreat! But it looks like a bunch of them will simply be retreating to their old destructive ways.
My question is: does this mean Mindy is riding solo or just won’t be there? She deserves a trip too, guys! And, heck, I’ll take Zatch’s spot! Or Michael’s … Or Taylor’s … Or Brandon’s … Ay-yi-yi.
Married at First Sight airs on Lifetime, Wednesdays at 8/7c.