Monsters and Critics columnist Liz Long recaps Married at First Sight Season 10, Episode 12, with a little help from a glass of pinot (or two)…
Hey MAFS-Lovers! Let’s play a little game tonight. Drink your wine every time you hear Taylor or Brandon say the word “Panama.” Or how about every time Meka smiles!
Dibs on the Taylor and Brandon one!
It’s re-commitment time, a.k.a., three weeks until “Decision Day,” and, quite honestly, I’m not sure why more than half of these couples are still here.
Enough’s enough. Stop playing the game of chicken — or eating the wings of chicken — and, please, step away. Go on now. You can do it. I’ll wait.
In the meantime, let’s recap.
Mindy & Zach Might Have a Sleepover!
Last week, we learned that although Zach has no intention of getting to know Mindy, that won’t stop him from getting to know her friend, Lindsey.
But, Mindy, the consummate optimist, still prays that Zach comes to “their” apartment for, like, an actual sleepover. The gazillion red flags and deleted texts just haven’t been enough punishment.
Just give her honesty and transparency, Zach!
Zach comes over, with an actual bag, complete with a little rolled-up shirt that he put in an empty drawer. There were even some sweatpants, but Mindy immediately laid claim to those for what presumably might become a hostage situation.
Don’t act like you haven’t done this before, ladies.
Mindy, like the saint — or slightly delusional optimist — she is, ordered chicken wings. She actually asked her husband questions (“What are the things you like?”), listened, and then procured said liked things.
Aka, chicken wings.
But, Mindy, this should be the opposite way around. Yeah, I get that you’re not ready to call it quits, but when is enough, enough?
There comes the point when the guy doesn’t deserve your efforts.
They are now a total turnoff, and if you took a step back, maybe HE would be the one coming to YOU with BW3’s. Or whatever YOUR favorites are.
But we don’t know your favorites, do we? Because he hasn’t asked you.
WAKE UP, WOMAN!
Mindy totally led the interaction at the apartment
(*nibbling on a chicken wing*: So do you want to wake up first, or should I get up first, or maybe we can wake up together, or what do you think Zach? You want to leave? Okay. Sure!)
Oh, Mindy. God love your soul for trying.
Just in case I couldn’t cringe enough, Mindy narrates how excited she is to sleep in the same bed since their honeymoon (yes, honeymoon). Zach says, “well, I think I’m going to go sleep in the other room now.”
Again, I ask. Is THIS enough for you, Mindy?
Katie & Derek Fight About Derek’s Gosh-Forsaken Dreams
Last week, we learned that Derek has a bunch of cute little dreams. Four to be exact.
This week, we learned that Katie is a dream-killer.
KATIE! What’s wrong with having dreams? Be grateful!
Most men Derek’s age can’t envision a coffee date let alone which dinner he will have in every country. A man with goals that also involves you is a GOOD thing!
Stop self-sabotaging, woman!
They take this conversation on “pod-style” (ala, Love is Blind) to try and work it out.
They work their “troubles” out. Again. After Derek manages to salvage the relationship for both of them. Again. Surely there is at least one couple on here ready to have some fun, right??
Enter Meka! Queen of RBF!
Meka & Michael Exude the Fun as Always
While I pour my wine, I decide to have a little fun and drink every time Meka smiles this episode.
OMG, you guys. She doesn’t smile. Like, ever. I became hyper-aware of her ever-resting b**ch face last week, and now I can’t un-see it.
Michael cuts grass because he has “such a crazy sense of humor” and wants “to have fun with his wife.” Yeah. These two have been oozing the fun, I just can’t take anymore.
Okay. New game. Drink every time Meka frowns. Or talks like a robot… Or for when Michael lies… Or for when I get so bored and/or frustrated with this couple, I’m just going to lose my ever-loving mind!!
Jessica and Austin? Any news with you guys? Or are you still all happy and stuff.
(Insert eye-roll emoji, here.)
Jessica & Austin Are Still Happy
Oh, lookie there. Jessica and Austin are still great.
Austin, maybe you could use just one more button buttoned up on that shirt? Sorry, guys. That crazy Meka got me a little tipsy with all that joy. And now, I’m just creating it for myself.
Now, is it just me, or is Austin looking more and more like John Heder every episode?
Jessica is ready to re-commit, but she wants him to say those three little words.
Of course, none of us should be worried whether Austin will drop the “L” word. But, hey, these kids needed a story-line. Or at least one bigger than Austin’s annoyance with Jessica’s early bedtime.
(Side note: how great was Jessica when she told it like it was, regarding Zach during the ladies’ lunch with Pastor Cal?)
Oh hey, Taylor & Brandon. Wait. You guys are still here?!
Taylor and Brandon?!? You guys are still here?!
But it’s “RE-COMMITMENT” day, and I’m not sure if you guys ever really committed in the first place! Now I could say the same thing about Zatch, but why beat a dead horse.
No. You know what. Let’s go ahead and beat a dead horse because that’s what Taylor and Brandon like to do!
One last game, guys! Drink for how many times we hear the word “Panama” come out of Taylor or Brandon’s mouth!
They haven’t spoken for the past few days, and they’re in a fierce game of chicken. Who will say “I want this” or “I don’t want this” first? Haven’t they already done this, though? Okay. I’ll play.
Taylor says she’s committed, and, oddly, it seems Brandon is willing to step onboard too. Pastor Cal must have worked some weird voodoo on them because I guess they’re going to stick it out another episode!
What did you think of tonight’s episode, MAFS-Lovers? Are Austin and Jess the only ones with a fair shot at this thing, or do you think Katie and Derek have a chance?
Til next week! I’m off to go find me some chicken wings. With ranch. Or blue cheese. It’s a mystery. Zach hasn’t asked me for my preference yet.
Married at First Sight airs on Lifetime, Wednesdays at 8/7c