Married at First Sight Red Wine recap: Anniversaries and secret emotional affairs, oh my!

MAFS Mindy is confused at Zach's words on their anniversary
First, Zach accuses Mindy of lying and THEN reveals he has been secretly talking to her best friend! Wow. Pic credit: Lifetime

Monsters and Critics columnist Liz Long recaps Married at First Sight Season 10, Episode 11, with a little help from a glass of pinot (or two)…

Hey MAFS Lovers! Anyone else stocking up on toilet paper to prepare for an upper respiratory infection?

Say whaaaaat?

I don’t know about you, but I fulfilled my Walgreen’s wine limit and, of course, didn’t forget my side of TP.  Priorities.

But, hey, we got some MAFS couples to talk about, no matter how boring they’ve become. Zzzzzzzzz!!!!

Oh goodness. Maybe I’m showing my first symptoms! Aahhhhhh! MORE WINE PLEASE!

Meka and Michael go through the anniversary motions

MAFS couple Meka and Michael celebrate their one-month anniversary on a boat
Meka gives Michael ties for their one-month anniversary. Mmmmm-k? Pic credit: Lifetime

Is it just me, or has the energy level of this couple not surpassed a 5. And that’s generous. I don’t know … Meka just always seems to look so … so … pissed?

Michael did a little breakfast menu-type situation reminiscent of the days when I made Mother’s Day presents with Popsicle sticks. And no shocker here, Meka was over-the-top excited!

Just look at that face!

Meka drinks orange juice and looks bored on MAFS anniversary
I’ll take that mimosa from you, Meka. Nobody likes an ungrateful mimosa-drinker. Pic credit: Lifetime

This was completely unacceptable behavior from Meka because nobody should look that sad while drinking a mimosa. Nobody.

Maybe a boat will spice things up! As they do the obligatory watching of their wedding day video, I feel nothing. Maybe it’s the sunglasses Michael is wearing all cool-like, but I’m just not connected to this couple.

What’s more, Meka gave Michael ties, which could have been cute, like when Shawniece gave Jephte socks, but it was completely formal, boring, and serious.

At least Shawniece and Jephte joked and laughed — two elements completely missing from Meka and Michael’s relationship. Shawniece!? Maybe you could give a pole lesson??

Jessica and Austin celebrate with hand molds

MAFS couple Jessica and Austin make hand molds on their one-month anniversary
MAFS couple Jessica and Austin make hand molds on their one-month anniversary. Pic credit: Lifetime

Speaking of seriousness, has Jessica become, like, totally mellow since her wedding day?

I’m not asking for wedding-day Jess back, but could we maybe find a happy medium? I just need more energy from these couples!!

Austin surprises Jess with roses, rose, and… hand molds? Either I’m back in The Bachelor and having flashbacks of Peter’s mom, or I’m entering the initial scenes of a serial killer situation.

I’ll take the latter.

Their mold turned out surprisingly well, right down to the wrinkles, and sadly, this was about the most exciting part for me: studying the wrinkles. I am literally watching paint dry and am excited about this.

What has become of my life?

Mindy and Zach’s “anniversary” is interrupted by news of an emotional affair between Zach and Mindy’s friend

MAFS couple Mindy and Zach ice skate while holding hands
Zach gives Mindy the most action he’s given her all season on the ice. Pic credit: Lifetime

Oh, Mindy. You skate like Nancy Kerrigan, and you look and sound like Kristen Doute’s older sister.

But you are much wiser than Kristen because you showed tonight that you could remain calm as a cucumber upon learning that your “husband” has been secretly chatting up your best friend via Instagram!

You and Madison from last night’s Bachelor finale have my utmost respect. Not only did you get that bomb dropped on you, but you recognized Zach’s gaslighting (everyone’s buzz word of the day) for what it was.

I mean, how frustrating was it that Zach hinted that Mindy hasn’t been honest with him but refused to tell her what she did! And then he admits to talking with her best friend on the side?!

steve harvey looks confused
Pic credit: Giphy

Mindy was genuinely confused, as was I.

I know I was confused because my forehead was able to fully wrinkle as it’s been 11 months since my last Botox confession.

Mindy said it best. What a mind f**k.

You deserve better, Mindy! Get a new man and a new best friend! Ugh.

Taylor and Brandon move on from the Instagram clip and Panama 

Brandon celebrates his anniversary alone
MAFS’s unhappy couple Brandon and Taylor celebrate their anniversary separately. Pic credit: Lifetime

Just kidding, guys! I had to have a little fun with that headline.

It’s Opposite Day! We all know these kiddos aren’t going to move on from these two incidents. Neither truly wants to. They are both highly defensive and can’t move forward.

Taylor does finally give Brandon an apology. In a card. And Brandon isn’t feeling it. Kinda like how Carrie Bradshaw wasn’t feeling Berger’s break-up with her via Post-it note:

Carrie Bradshaw slams down a post-it
“I’m sorry. I can’t. Don’t hate me.” Pic credit: Giphy

I appreciate you, kiddo.

Hey, Brandon. At least she got you something?

Who are we kidding? This relationship has been stuck in the mud for quite some time, and I’m surprised they’re even still here.

Why again are they still here?

Katie and Derek waffle between the fears and the Fi-Yah

Katie looks at Derek angrily
I’m determined to be angry, Derek, so let me! Pic credit: Lifetime

I gotta say. Katie and Derek tested my patience at the beginning of this episode.

Last week, they made me so happy with their Jenga shenanigans. And now, we are back to a failure to communicate. Sigh. It’s like Katie wants to leave him at the first sign of any sort of problem.

Kids. We can’t do this. It’s marriage. Work through it!

Derek makes the first peace offering, thereby allowing Katie to apologize for saying she “checked out.”

The boy just wants to have fun and do things like:

  1. Build a giant treehouse.
  2. Do eight backpacking trips.
  3. Skydive over the tropics.
  4. And, finally, compose a Christmas song.

I gotta say, I like Derek here. Despite his youth, he clearly wants Katie to know who he is and isn’t afraid to show it. Plus, he has dreams and goals! Even if they involve composing Christmas music.

Katie is lured back in, and Derek’s gifts of concert tickets to see her favorite artist in Nashville and sentimental photos didn’t hurt either. She’s all yours again, Derek. You done good, kid. You done good.

Round 2 of Jenga, guys??

‘Til Next week MAFS Lovers! I pray there is some actual fun next week! Lord knows we all need it!

Married at First Sight airs on Lifetime, Wednesdays at 8/7c

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