Season 4 of 90 Day Fiance: Before the 90 Days premiered last week and we met all but three of the season’s couples. It was quite an introduction to the season, but this week’s episode was disappointing.
First, we catch up with Geoffrey, who’s on the way to Russia to meet his girlfriend Varya in person for the first time. Geoffrey addresses his “past,” which included more than two years in prison for dealing drugs.
Discussion of Geoffrey’s domestic violence charges is conspicuously absent, and those charges seem like they would probably be a bit more concerning for Varya.
At long last, Darcey’s back
This episode, we’re treated to the glorious return of Darcey. She is, of course, wearing a wedding dress, despite not being engaged. Classic Darcey.
Darcey and her British boyfriend Tom have drifted apart. Tom said that he wants to be single and not do the “long-distance thing.”
Darcey insists that they wanted to get back together, but Tom’s lack of interest is pretty apparent.
Luckily, we get a fairly sane reason for Darcey to be in a wedding dress — she and her twin sister Stacey have ventured into the bridal design business, so the wedding dress was “for business.”
Darcey probably doesn’t need to be spending any more time thinking about weddings, but Darcey’s gonna do what Darcey’s gonna do. And that will involve weddings.
The other cast members
We then go to Angela, I mean Lisa, who is about to meet her Nigerian boyfriend Usman. Usman thinks Lisa is overbearing, which sounds familiar.
Lisa is worried that when Usman is in the studio, there may be “females” present. Lisa has taken the Pence-esque view that Usman shouldn’t exist in the same room as other women for any reason.
Lisa tells us that Usman’s religion is “Muslim” and that his mother doesn’t approve of Lisa’s Christianity. Lisa’s worried that Usman’s fans will ruin their time together, which seems unlikely, to say the least.
Cut to Big Ed, who talks about his upcoming trip to the Philippines with a coworker.
It’s a pretty standard 90 Day conversation — there’s monstrous flying cockroaches, Ed’s moving way too fast, he might get dengue fever, blah blah blah.
Pot salad chef Avery‘s segment is a bit more interesting. She FaceTimes with her Mauritian-Australian boyfriend Ash, who she’ll soon meet in Australia.
We find out that Ash, like Avery, is a parent. Ash plans to bring his 10-year-old son Taj to America if it all works out with Avery.
Ash claims that Taj’s mother is cool with that, which makes Avery suspicious. Avery deals with red flags by running full speed ahead right over them.
Then we go over to Yolanda, who is definitely being catfished.
Her boyfriend, “Williams,” asked her for money to visit her in Las Vegas, but she wisely decided to go to see him instead. There’s a lot of confusion about what airport to go to.
Why on earth is “Williams” not familiar with the airports around his “hometown?”
It’s a mystery.
So many worried friends
We return to Lisa and get the obligatory disbelieving friend conversation that Ed just had.
Lisa’s mad that Usman got a Nigerian woman to pose as her in the music video. She is truly angry that Usman hired a Nigerian woman. In Nigeria. Where he lives.
Lisa claims that “if I die in Nigeria, I’ll die a happy woman.” Darcey’s got competition in the drama department.
Next, we see Ed’s second concerned friend conversation of the episode. Ed plans to have a secret vasectomy, which can only turn out well.
Over in Moscow, we meet the first of the foreigners, Geoffrey’s girlfriend Varya. Varya has her concerned friend conversation, and after Lisa’s Ed’s, it’s really just overkill.
Then we get YET ANOTHER concerned friend conversation with Lisa. Ugh.
Avery hasn’t yet told her parents that she’s in a relationship, so she tells them about Ash. In a shocking turn of events, they are concerned.
Moving on
We’re finally relieved from the worried friends by Darcey, who video chats with Tom. Tom’s going to New York for business and he wants to “spend time with someone I spent a romantic notion with.”
Tom’s weird.
Ed, who is 4’11, is on the way to the Philippines and tells the TSA agent that he hasn’t brought e-cigarettes because “smoking stunts your growth.”
Solid joke, Ed.
Geoffrey makes it to Russia and meets Varya. For the first minute and a half, they’re both convinced that all their dreams have come true. Then it gets awkward. Varya isn’t sure what “make out” means, which is hilarious and ties up the episode.
We STILL haven’t met the last two couples of the season, Stephanie and Erika and David and Lana, but it seems we’ll at least meet Stephanie next week.
We see her in the preview along with a fighting Darcey and Stacey, Rose being confused by Ed, and Lisa and Usman licking each other’s tongues. I can’t wait.
90 Day Fiance: Before the 90 Days airs at 8/7c on TLC.