This week’s episode of 90 Day Fiance: Before the 90 Days was a big improvement over last week’s episode.
We finally got to meet Stephanie (half of the season’s most anticipated couple), Darcey worked out, and many of the couples finally met in person.
Varya is so close to realizing she should GTFO, Usman and Lisa lick each other’s tongues
In this episode, we start with Varya and Geoffrey in Russia. They’re painfully awkward. It’s like watching two eighth-graders whose parents have tagged along on their first date.
Varya doesn’t want to stay with Geoffrey on the first night, which seems like an unquestionably good decision. But Geoffrey, a butthead, doesn’t see it that way.
Geoffrey and Varya talk about how awkward they are, making things even more awkward. Varya calls Geoffrey robotic, Geoffrey calls Varya standoffish, and they both make it weird.
Eventually, they go out to dinner, where Varya confronts Geoffrey about not disclosing that he has kids. “This is rather important to tell,” she says.
Yes, Varya. You are so close to arriving at the right choice here.
Next, we go to Nigeria, where we finally get to meet Michael, I mean Usman. Usman is also a rapper who performs under the name Sojaboy. The rap business is apparently slow.
Usman lives with his two friends, Usman 2 and Giant, in a tiny apartment. Usman and his friends talk about Lisa, and it’s a pretty standard 90 Day conversation.
Later in the episode, Usman brings Usman 2 and Giant to meet Lisa at the airport. Usman 2 and Giant are way more fun than Usman. They should get their own spin-off.
When Lisa finally arrives, Usman says she is 70 percent good. What a romantic.
The four of them head over to the hotel. Lisa and Usman make out and lick each other’s tongues the whole way, which grosses out Usman 2 and Giant.
When asked whether he’s looking forward to sex with Lisa, Usman responds that even though Lisa isn’t his type, “she still has the lady part, and I have the guy’s part.”
As I said, he’s a romantic.
A long-anticipated introduction
Finally, at long last, we get to meet Stephanie, half of the series’ first same-sex couple.
We’re introduced to her while she’s playing a love song for pizza, so she’s going to be great. Stephanie is a YouTuber who moved to New York from the Czech Republic at age 7.
Her girlfriend Erika is a photographer (a very complimentary career to YouTubing), and both are bisexual.
Stephanie isn’t out to her family yet, which is causing her a lot of stress. This coming-out-to-family storyline is brand new for the 90 Day Franchise, and it’s interesting to see a story we haven’t seen before.
Later on in the episode, we find out that Stephanie has told her family that she’s doing a show on aplastic anemia, the medical condition that’s put her in a very precarious spot health-wise.
She wants to come out to her family at the dinner they have together, but can’t muster the courage.
Big Ed and Rose are off to a rough start
Meanwhile, Big Ed is landing in the Philippines. Rose isn’t at the airport to meet him, so Ed gets worried she won’t show.
He’s also concerned that Rose will think he’s too short because he lied about his height. Spoiler alert: when she finally arrives, she does think that.
If only there were a way Ed could’ve prevented that.
In a flashback, we see Rose and her sister Maria at their very run-down house. Rose says, “it’s very important for Ed to give me two kids.” In addition to Ed lying about his height, he’s lied about his desire for a vasectomy.
The relationship is off to a fabulous start.
Rose’s sister Maria agrees that the relationship will go well. “The age gap is bigger, and his body is bigger, but it’s okay with me because he’s rich,” she says.
A little bit of the other couples
We see some of Yolanda in Vegas this episode.
It turns out her trip to meet “Williams” will be her first time abroad. After the airport debacle, she repeatedly tried to contact him, but he deleted his entire Instagram account.
Yolanda is ignoring so many red flags, but I’m rooting for her anyway. I want her to go on this trip, realize Williams is a fraud, and then have the time of her life anyway.
Yolanda deserves it. Go abroad, girl. Experience the world. You don’t need Williams.
Over in Australia, we meet Avery’s boyfriend Ash. Ash claims that he doesn’t “partake in marijuana,” which is hard to believe because he also claims that he “vibrates in time with the universe.”
We also catch a glimpse of Darcey working out at the gym. Darcey’s twin sister Stacey sent her photos of Tom with another woman, and Darcey is pissed. I’m pretty sure Darcey and Stacey exist on this earth to bother each other.
Next week, we’ll finally meet David, the last of this season’s Americans. It’s sure to be a good time.
90 Day Fiance: Before the 90 Days airs on Sundays at 8/7c on TLC.