Monsters and Critics columnist Liz Long recaps The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, Season 12, Episode 24, Reunion, Part 3, with a little help from a glass of Pinot (or two)….
Well, folks. We have reached the end of this exhausting Housewives journey.
And what we have to show for it is some carcass-out drinks, a Lisa Rinna who remains delusional, and a broken relationship between sisters.
Well …. MAYBE it’s broken.
You see, the Reunion Part 3 ended with a photo of Kathy Hilton and Kyle Richards hugging at BravoCon, an event that JUST happened (i.e., after this reunion taped).
BravoCon was also the place where everyone booed Rinna and cheered Kathy!
We further know that Kyle seemingly deleted all social media posts of Rinna and Erika.
So I remain hopeful that our story of sisterly love has triumphed in the end.
I’m as exhausted as you but carry on, we must.
So my faithful Housewives-Lovers, you know the drill.
Grab your drink. Put on your Barbie glam. And let’s recap.
Kathy Hilton has entered the room
Because we’ve been waiting for the slippered one to enter this reunion since the first installment, I’m not wasting time talking about Erika Girardi.
I mean, she chose to use a plane crash metaphor to describe why she only cared about herself, for crying out loud.
She could only say, “we’re on appeal – for legal reasons,” rather than admitting that “she’s in court” to win back THE earrings.
So, yeah … NEXT!
Let’s just get to Kathy and her Barbie glam.
As Kathy comes out in her pink dress and matching heels, Rinna looks like she just s**t her pants.
SPOILER ALERT: Rinna clearly does not want to see Kathy and Kyle get along. She thrives on drama.
She salivates when they argue and winces when they hug!
And that’s her in a nutshell.
But what would this recap be without highlighting Kathy’s mic-drop moments?
Oh, and there were plenty.
Kathy begins her obliteration of Rinna and Erika
After Kathy enters the room and comes with her, “hi girls!” she wasted no time throwing her first shade of the night.
Andy: “So Kathy, have you figured out how to text your husband yet?”
Kyle *explaining*: “Kathy writes public comments on social media thinking she is texting him.”
Kathy: “Yes, and then I do what Lisa Rinna does and took it down 20 minutes later.”
What say you about Tequila-Gate, Kathy?
Kathy: “I mean, yeah, I was annoyed by Rinna at Kamo Sabi.”
Kyle: “KIMO Sabi.” (Recall, this was Kyle’s beloved hat store.)
Kathy admits that her getting upset at Kam-O Sabi was due to her overthinking the situation and thinking Kyle would be promoting her tequila there.
So cheers to squashed expectations.
Kyle: “So this is my fault!?!” (Aaaaaand we now have entered the Kyle crying session for the remainder of the episode.)
Lisa Rinna can’t butt out of the sister relationship
To Kyle, this is all about her broken relationship with her sister.
I feel for Kyle, Rinna can come and go, but at the end of the day, this is about Kathy and Kyle (even though Kyle can’t outright defend her sister over Rinna).
And when Andy and the other ladies point out to Rinna that Rinna is really interjecting herself where she doesn’t belong, cue this classic squint stare thing into space.
But you’re not going to get away with this, Rinna! Despite the attempted assists from your partner in blue over there.
Erika enters the boxing ring to throw a punch at Kathy, claiming that Kathy called the Caribou Club DJ some *bleeped-out* name because he wouldn’t oblige Kathy’s song requests.
But everyone else said they didn’t hear Kathy say said the *bleeped-out* word.
Kathy ends it with this jab to Erika, “I think I have a little more credibility than you.”
Kathy delivers the TKO
But Rinna is not down for the count. She is determined to run with this “Kathy had a psychotic break, and I’m traumatized by it” narrative.
But not so fast, Rinna. We will not sit here as you talk about your Sprinter Van trauma and not say anything.
Kathy to Rinna: “Lisa, I thought I was in the company of a friend who I could confide in. The cameras were off, and do you remember saying, ‘I get it, I get it! You’re preaching to the choir!'”
[Insert Rinna with a dumbfounded look on her face]
Andy then proceeds to rattle off all the horrible things that Rinna alleged Kathy said about the other girls.
Kathy: “Lisa, I’m going to make you take a lie detector test!” … “Do you want to put your hand on a Bible?”
Kathy admitted to the things she did wrong. Plus, the investigation by Bravo HR (yes, this actually happened) revealed a finding of nothing more than a case of “she said-she said.”
And finally, after Rinna claimed she is all up in Kathy and Kyle’s drama because “Kathy abused her (her being Rinna!)”, Kathy delivers her final TKO.
Kathy: “Lisa, you just wanted to create drama because your contract is about up. You did this to Lisa Vanderpump what you did to my sister. You’ve had problems with Camille Grammar. And then saying you’ve been bullied!”
“You are the biggest bully in Hollywood, and everyone knows it.”
And though Rinna ultimately vowed that she would butt out from here on, I sincerely question if she is capable of this.
I mean, even after Andy pointed out how Lisa herself has screamed at people (a-hem, Kim Richards), Lisa – in typical Rinna fashion – just says, “So.”
She clearly does not care, and I wonder if her seeing Kyle in absolute tears – not even able to join in the carcass-out toast at the end – affected her.
I actually think it didn’t.
I hope her seeing this photo – displayed at the end of the reunion – sent shivers down her spine.
But, again, I doubt it.
So, friends. That concludes our journey. It has been real. But has it been fun?
As Garcelle astutely noted, “I think we ALL could use more fun.”
AMEN TO THAT, SISTER!
‘Til next season, my Loves.
The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills is currently on hiatus.More: rhobh, The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills