Monsters & Critics columnist Liz Long recaps The Bachelor Presents: Listen to Your Heart Season 1, Episode 2, with a little help from a glass of pinot (or two)…
Well, folks, we have another episode of Listen to Your Heart in the books, and, it’s safe to say I’m still a fan! I haven’t seen this much love triangle jamming into one episode since Peter Weber’s fantasy suite week!
We have nice-guy Ryan, in true Clark Kent form, going to the dark side with Natascha. We have Natascha pretending not to know her true reality TV purpose (girl please acting like you didn’t know Trevor would be here).
And we have poor Mel revealing her, um, flair(?) for the dramatics, shall we say?
Be one with the terrified feeling, you say, Mel? I’ll pass and stick to my wine.
On that NOTE, let’s recap!
Meet Natascha! The Chilean French East Coast New Yorker
In a word, Natascha is… scary.
In Natascha’s words, she is an East Coast New Yorker through and through, looking for her baby daddy. She is also a pop singer with a Cuban flare or something like that. And, oh yeah. She is here to ruin lives. And she’s lookin’ at you, Jamie and Trevor!
But hold that plan, Natascha. We have a first date to get to. Oh, and wouldn’t ya know it. It’s Jamie and Trevor’s!
Trevor and Jamie go on a date and sing
Jamie gets the first date card and picks Trevor. I’ll just pretend like I’m not still sore on her ditching Ryan last week. I mean, Ryan in those cute little Harry Potter glasses has me Team Ryan all the way!
Jamie and Trevor make music together and their interpretation of Girl Crush is quite literal. “I wanna taste your lips…” Stop. Taste lips.
Jamie is all “I honestly can’t see anything going wrong,” which, of course, means something is about to go horribly wrong.
“Trevor is a liar and a cheat! He cheated on my friend!” says the Corrine-look-a-like.
Meanwhile, Jamie and Trevor are in a hot tub smack dab in the middle of Venice Beach while Jamie shares with Trevor, “everyone I’ve ever loved has cheated and lied. So why did your last relationship end, Trevor?”
Could the timing be any more perfect? Let’s just pretend this wasn’t all planned, just like Natascha is pretending she didn’t know Trevor was going to be on this show. Because the moment I hear the name “Trevor,” the first thing I think to ask is “Wait. Trevor from American Idol?”
What’s more? Trevor introduces himself to Natascha as if he has never met her in his life!
Nevertheless, he owns up to her line of questioning, and admits, “yes, there was some emotional cheating.” Mission completed, Natascha.
Let’s see what Jamie thinks:
Ope. Sorry, Natascha. Mission failed.
Of course, Jamie’s forgiveness was not without some cries to the girls first, but an emotional liar and a cheat is better than being friends with Natascha and her wretched ways, I suppose.
Bri and Chris can’t help falling in love
From contrived drama to what appears a genuine connection, let’s turn our focus to the couple who scored a 10 out of 10 on the cuteness scale tonight: Bri and Christopher!
It began with his comment at the start of the episode: “I’m beating a dead horse, but you’re so pretty.” Awwwwww.
Then, it grew with her getting down on a knee to ask him on a date. Awwwwwww.
Finally, it was cuteness (and guitar) overload at the guitar center on Sunset, when they shared their feelings about each other through… you guessed it… a song! Just in case I couldn’t take any more, he plays “I Can’t Help Falling in Love with You” to follow up their “I love yous.”
Did I say they ranked a 10? I meant they were off-the-charts. (Oh how the mighty Bachelor puns endure!)
Juliette and Sheridan go public with some good bones
Sheridan and Julia go on a date to a radio show and are surprised when asked to perform. (Really guys. Did you forget what show you were on?)
Best part about this date? Julia’s part in The Bones and this guy when he realizes Sheridan and Julia are nailing their impromptu performance:
Worst part about this date? The foreshadowing of Julia wanting Brandon over Sheridan. Noooooo!!!!
What’s up with Brandon, guys? I mean, why are all the women acting like he’s the second coming of Christ himself?!
Mel: “Savannah’s going on a date with Brandon. Of course, it’s going to be one of the best times of her life!”
Either Mel is slightly overdramatic or I just haven’t witnessed yet what’s so amazing about Brandon.
Oh, wait. He was deployed. And he says things like “vulnerability is not weakness.” And he gives great toasts. And he sings “Fever” all sexy-like. Okay, ladies. I see now.
Brandon is such a hot commodity, he even has former nice-girl-Julia throwing Savannah under the bus! “She plays it close to vest. The rest of us girls are all close.”
Brandon: “I care for Savannah.”
Julia: “Surprising. I’m going to do what’s best for me so now I’m going to insert my tongue down your throat.”
Ewwwww, stop Julia! Just go back to Sheridan and be happy.
And what about that little hottie Ryan, who we’ve barely heard a word from all episode?
Ryan becomes insta-player / Clark Kent / Harry Potter
Remember Episode 1 when Ryan was like the super nerdy quiet guy?
I don’t know if he’s just gotten bored from having no screentime this episode or has just thrown all caution to the wind now that Jamie has solidified her relationship with Trevor, but he is sticking his tongue down some throats tonight!
First up! Natascha, who is all: “I like nerdy guys. And you look like Clark Kent.”
Rudi comes in next, and is all: “Everyone must be calling you Harry Potter.”
Ryan is thinking, no, it’s Clark Kent, get it right, but, sure, we can awkwardly swap a little spit.
Elizabeth is all, let’s just get to the rose ceremony, shall we, before Ryan goes too far to the dark side!!!
- Chris and Bri (no shocker there / they’re one duet away from making babies)
- Trevor and Jamie (Sorry, Natascha and the ex.)
- Matt and Rudi (Sorry Cheyanne. We might have heard one word from you.)
- Ryan and Natascha (He has now officially gone to the dark side but opposites do attract!)
- __ and Bekah (I seriously still don’t know his name, guys.)
- Brandon and Savannah (Sorry Mel. And sorry, not sorry, Julia.)
- Gabe and newcomer Ruby with the pink hair (Can we hear more from Gabe please?)
- Sheridan and Julia (You’ve been saved girl. Don’t do it again.)
Bye to Mel, newcomer Mariana (pronounced Mar-d-ana), and Cheyanne.
Next week, we have some drama with the love triangle that is Julia/Brandon/Savannah. Though he did pick Savannah tonight, he apparently whispered a mixed message to Julia. Ay-yi-yi. Guess these things happen when one listens to their heart.
The Bachelor Presents: Listen to Your Heart airs on Mondays at 8/7c on ABC.