Ahead of tonight’s second episode of The Bachelor Presents: Listen to Your Heart, Monsters & Critics columnist Mary Beth Ellis gets you up to speed by answering all your questions — including the ones you weren’t even asking…
What happened last week on Listen to Your Heart?
About 12 self-replicating men and anywhere between eight and 14 million versions of the same woman showed up to The Bachelor Mansion.
They wandered around the pool, drinking and singing straight through their nasal cavities. There were at least four guitars, although none, sadly, wound up in the pool.
Two couples went on a date, and John Mayer and the Plain White T’s and a half-on, half-off fuzzy zip-up sweatshirt were involved, although not all at once.
There was a rose ceremony, and the women all chose one man, and the four not chosen were sent home. No one has any idea who the four were either because we shot them right down the memory hole.
Or the producers never bothered giving them a chyron title, to begin with, preferring to let them burn like the cheap gin sloshing down everyone’s throat.
I’m pretty sure one of them had pretty good hair. RIP.
Did anyone, at any point, actually sing “Listen to Your Heart” on Listen to Your Heart?
No, but this is a fallen world marred by sin and evil, so we know it’s coming.
Was Chris Harrison there?
Yes, albeit as little as possible. Even he has his limits.
What happens to the men who were eliminated?
I can’t stop thinking of them either.
They’re like the reserve “ghost players” of Major Leauge Baseball, who are part of the team, sit on the bench, wear the uniform, and yet never appear in the official records because they don’t enter the game.
What’s probably going to happen is, now that they’ve bumped down the musical reality show branches from American Idol to The Voice to America’s Got Talent to The Bachelor Presents: Listen to Your Heart, you’re going to see them in a year or two on some high school freshman’s vlog entitled “My Swirled Galaxy: Cayden Talks to the Stars.”
Will women be eliminated next?
We don’t know. We know nothing. Chris never says. He just kind of drifts in, issues a directive, and vanishes.
We hear about dates only via one of the cast members staggering across the polished tile, waving an envelope.
I’d say it seems like they’re making this up as they go along, but we all know Mike Fliess can’t manipulate and smash-edit from that kind of distance.
Is there going to be another liveblog?
You betcha. See you at 8.
P.S. You can see our FAQ for last week’s season premiere here.
The Bachelor Presents: Listen to Your Heart airs Mondays at 8 PM/7PMC on ABC.