Swamp People last night was a meeting of all the cool cats of this season — Troy Landy, Terral Evans, Jacob Landry, Don Brewer, Captain Ronnie Adams, Che Che Ashley Dead Eye Jones, and the lesser-seen Chase Michael Landry, the wild child being worked back in after a hiatus.
Yes, Brock and Aaron had a storyline too, but I told you all I am on strike with those two who poached Mr. Daniel’s gators last week, and who spent too much time talking about bent steel hooks.
Not until I see me some Bruce Mitchell, Frenchy Crochet, or Gee Singleton will we discuss the two teen terrors of the swamp.
We got ourselves an airboat armada party, y’all!
All the fun people are invited to Cow Island.
There was more artillery heat packed than in a military camp as Troy took us to a lake surrounded by high ground where gators get jiggy with each other, have their gazillions of gator babies, and the bulls get fat and happy swimming around howdy-doing all the cow gators.
The gator paradise is about to be upset by the sound of gunfire, not in the distance, but up close and personal.
Now we got Captain Ronnie and Ashley Dead Eye Jones, who joined the King of the Swamp and his two sons, Chase and Jacob, who were paired with Don the marshmallow man.
Last year there was a close call as Troy wrecked his boat, and Terral Evans could not resist taking the mickey out of Troy’s accident, calling him “Awful Knawful” for the King’s new nickname.
Ronnie is the man you want to be on your team.
Ain’t nothing can get Ronnie down and I bet you dollars to lucky donuts he’s all “coronavirus my Cajun butt,” as he is likely out doing his thing unfazed by the Wuhan flu.
I don’t think you can kill Ronnie with a virus, y’all.
Sand in the airboat
Captain Ronnie has convinced me the worst thing that can happen out on the bayou is sand in the airboat.
“People just fly outtada boat,” he said. Cow Island is not where you want to be out of the boat.
As they enter the hallowed grounds, Ashley and Ronnie were freaking out about all the gators in the lake.
They were told by Troy to stay in the middle as Jacob proposed a competition. Two competitions! The most gators and biggest one — and the loser had to cook the winner’s dinner.
“This place is loaded with big bulls,” said Troy.
Terral is Troy’s right hand on this venture, wearing his best wife beater like he always does. He should really market them and sell them as gen-u-ine Swamp People gear.
Troy can design special belts and sell lucky donuts.
Jacob and Don
Chase got under Jacob’s skin as the sniping nearby was real…too loud and too close as Jacob felt that driving and sniping from an airboat ain’t all that easy.
Don concurred and lamented the entire deal.
“This thing is monstrous loud,” said Don as they crept up on the gators.
The noise was making this a game of whack-a-mole as Don clearly preferred the baiting lines method with marshmallows method over sniping.
Creeping on ’em
Ronnie and Ashley were stuck in the middle of the lake, they had shut down the engine and the sound of gunshots off in the distance meant they had to come up with a plan.
“It’s not a good feeling when everyone around you is succeeding,” said Ashley. She’s competitive and hearing all that sniping has her itching to pull the trigger.
As luck would have it, they spotted a monster and crept on over to where Ashley could nail him with the rifle at a distance.
After some hooking and wrangling, they bagged their sole kill for the whole day, a 12+ footer over 600 pounds.
And after a day of the two sucking wind, this mamou monster was just what Doctor Swamp Thang needed to order up for these two.
“We killed a dinosaur baby!” says Ronnie. No lie, it was well over 12 feet. They may win for biggest.
In conclusion
The west bank saw Chase and Troy sniping away. Troy encouraged this. “He’s young, he sees good, he’s a way better shot than I am.”
Terral explained that gators, when shot, “throw off an oil slick.”
He said that was how you figure out where they were underwater after you snipe at them from a distance. “When you notice that film, we throw the treble right where that oil is,” said Troy.
As the afternoon wore on, it was a sniper shooting free-for-all as the teams were in a race to get the most kills.
Troy and Terral capped the ending with a two-fer, Chase got one, then daddy Troy bagged the other. Now the team of Chase, Troy and, Terral were put in the lead for most gators popped.
In the end: Jacob and Don got five kills. Troy, Terral, and Chase got six kills. Ashley and Ronnie got one… but it won for the biggest size.
The loser was Jacob who was pretty cool about it all. Jacob said he didn’t mind cooking for everybody. “We all gonna have a good time in the end.”
See y’all next week.
Swamp People airs Thursdays at 9 PM on History Channel.