Monsters and Critics columnist Liz Long recaps Married at First Sight, New Orleans, Season 11, Episode 10, Dealbreakers, with a little help from a glass of pinot (or two).
Are we really in Episode 10 of our beloved Season 11 of Married at First Sight, you guys?! How did this happen?! Oh, where does the time go?!? And is it possible that Karen is STILL only giving Miles kisses through forced activities rather than her own desire?!
I’m afraid so, my MAFS-Lovers. Sigh.
In this episode, titled “Dealbreakers,” we see Miles about to explode with horny excitement over a toe rub, Brett being the all-knowing trivia scrub, and Bennett showing some personality traits that are of SLIGHT concern. Thank God for
Woody and Amani Henry and Christina, who are none other than 2020’s “love story of all time!”
Miles & Karen – Karen Throws Miles a Bone
If you’ll recall, last week, Karen had just about enough of Miles when he wrote “sex with wife” on the refrigerator calendar. Now whether she used this as a convenient excuse to spend time away from the man she clearly wants nothing to do with, I don’t know. But she spent the night at her own place because the fridge antic made her feel “unsafe” in her own home.
Poor Miles. The guy just can’t win, can he?
This week, I’m afraid things aren’t much better for the boy.
“But they had a fun day at the park with Amelia and Bennett over a game of bocce ball,” you say! “Miles even got a kiss after he won,” you say! “Karen took Miles on a couples’ massage,” you say!!
Well I say, what do these activities–and really, all of their “physically intimate” moments–have in common? ANSWER: They’re all forced!
I mean, but not for Bennett suggesting that peck on the lips, Miles wouldn’t have gotten any love in the park. But not for that little game of truth or dare weeks back, Miles would have missed out on that first tight-lipped kiss. And but not for the yoga instructor, telling Karen to massage Miles’s ashy feet, Miles would have missed out on this exercise that was all build-up, no …. well, you know where I’m going.
Okay, okay, so Karen did apparently suggest this massage, but I’m sorry guys, it all feels very forced. Like Woody said, there’s a disconnect, and I feel like I’ve lost hope for these two. I’ll just let Woody’s face say it all:
Brett & Olivia – This Ain’t Trivia
Things didn’t start off so bad for Olivia and Brett tonight. The pair went rock-climbing, where Brett not only showed off his fresh haircut, but also his massive arms. And, hey, Brett was even sort of cute when he was encouraging Olivia as she climbed to the top!
Then, the pair went to a crawfish-eating group hangout with Woody and Amani and Christina and Henry, and it looked so fun, I was wishing I lived in New Orleans!
Even Brett looked like he was having fun, as he displayed a slight sense of ease! (Recall that other group hangout where he looked extremely uncomfortable and couldn’t “rate his marriage.” My apologies for bringing that up.)
But then, ol Brett, once again, proved that he is simply not a “beer guy.” And what I mean by this is that Brett just doesn’t do well in relaxed environments. It’s like he can’t pick up on certain social cues of doing things just for the sake of the group. In this case, the group was Olivia and her friends, or “The Plan B’s” trivia team!
When the Plan B’s had to answer questions that didn’t follow the typical trivia format Brett is used to, Brett checked out. Channeling his “rating is dehumanizing” honeymoon glory days, Brett went as far as calling the trivia “patently ridiculous.” Oh, Brett. IT’S TRIVIA!! Do you have it in you to just smile and go with the flow? This attitude does not a beer bud make.
If you can’t chill out for Olivia, do it for the Plan B’s, man! I’m sure there is a $50 restaurant gift card on the line!
But, at the end of the day, Brett couldn’t muster enough relaxation to take home the “W,” leaving Olivia (and myself) at a loss. Literally.
Sorry, Olivia. I’ll drink a beer with ya. And I’ll gladly play word games that involve Betty White, too. We can even invite Amani!
Amelia & Bennett: What Bugs You About Me?
Let me start out by saying, this couple is still one of my top two favorites and I really do see them in it to win it.
Okay. Having said that, I now feel I can talk about the tiny cracks in their foundation that I noticed tonight.
The tension began over Amelia and Bennett’s “chore draft.” How cute, right?! And, for the most part, it was.
This unique pair found a way to make doing chores fun, and, come on, how amazing was it that some of their chores included things like “entertain the neighbors,” “handle difficult phone calls,” and even “interloping animals”?!
But there was a moment when Bennett seemed annoyed with Amelia and her messy nature. Okay, okay. I realize even as I wrote that how silly I’m being. I mean this is normal, right? RIGHT?!?!
Of course it is. And, come on, how could you not love Bennett’s thoughtful gift to Amelia and Amelia’s genuine appreciation of it?
The harmony these two created was beautiful, and I’m all for being different, but, yeah, I just couldn’t wrap my head around those outfits. But who cares when Amelia’s reaction to it was one of pure captivation. “I have chills! Thank you! Best gift ever.”
They ride bikes and hold hands and all is just SWELL!! Bennett even says he’s “warm and gooey and close to his melting point” (in a good way!) with Amelia!
But then that dang little crack rears its ugly little head again and things don’t seem so swell anymore.
Bennett: What is something I do that annoys you?
Amelia: Nothing. I adore you. (Secretly saying, why try and argue over imperfectly cleaned dirty dishes, Bennett. I’m just happy I have a cool husband by my side.)
But Bennett is determined that Amelia tell him something! If she can’t, he views this as being “too unconditionally enamored.” But Bennett. Let’s not look for trouble where it doesn’t exist. Be happy you found a girl who loves you and your tiny house and let’s call it a day.
Lord knows we have enough trouble in other departments with our other couples. I expect you and Amelia and Woody and Amani to be our rocks, okay? Okay.
Woody & Amani – I’m Not Worried
Last week, Woody told Amani he loves her, and though Amani wasn’t ready to reciprocate, I’m not worried. Week after week, these two prove they excel in communication.
Tonight’s topic was “whoopings” and whether they believe it’s okay to whoop their future children. Woody was pro-whoop, while Amani was anti-whoop. They also learned they differ in their morning routines: Woody is a morning person. Amani is not.
But am I worried? Nah. Woody showed he was open to Amani’s whoopin’ point of view, and Amani is constantly showing she is open to her jazzy little husband.
These two are so cute on their date night, I wish I was the third wheel! First, Woody compliments Amani on looking “bad as hell,” telling her he is glad she took her time getting ready.
Amani laughs at her husband when he blows her kisses across the table. She even picks lint from his beard, which he very much appreciates. Can’t have either of them looking “busted,” according to Woody.
I love these two. I will continue loving these two. Their chemistry is undeniable, and they need their own spin-off show. I don’t care if they have a disagreement here or there. At the end of the day, these two are giddy over each other, and that’s what counts.
Amani is all worried Woody’s love for her will fizzle, but, Mrs. Randall – the boy is a smitten kitten. He’s not going anywhere. Well … unless you go bald.
Christina & Henry – A Story for the Ages
Christina and Henry have been a rollercoaster of monotone emotions, if that is even possible. However, last week, they had their best week yet with Christina being a little more vulnerable and Henry being a little more spicy. He even learned how to salsa!
This week, Henry shocks us all when he described Christina as “sexy”! SEXY! He even used this word in front of the other couples, rendering Woody speechless.
But that actually was the problem. You see, Henry was a little too loose-lipped on this group outing. He confided in Amani, who he “barely knows,” according to Christina, telling her that he needs a patient woman, and Christina isn’t that. Oh, Henry. I thought we moved on from this!!
After Amani spills the beans to Christina, Christina is forced to confront Henry once and for all about his feelings for her. “Do you even see a future with me, Henry?”
Sipping on his ever-present glass of red wine (I’m not mad at ya Henry), Henry admits, “If I needed to make a decision right now, ummmmmm, then …. no.”
But he’s willing to give the marriage the ol’ college try, and that’s enough for Christina to fight on for another day. In fact, these two have one good conversation over a fishbowl of questions, leaving them to marvel how they’re the greatest love story of all time! Or something like that.
Next week, the couples build intimacy even more with more fishbowl questions. Our dream teams (Amelia and Bennett and Amani and Woody) soar to new heights while Miles and Karen have more disconnect once Dr. Viviana suggests taking the big sex talk off the table.
Also, Brett “I do no wrong” calls his wife “insecure” and all I can say is ew. Just ew. Remind me to never invite that dude to trivia. I don’t care how smart he thinks he is.
In the meantime, I’m off to borrow a bottle of red from Christina and Henry. If they have any left!
Til’ next week my MAFS-Lovers!
Married at First Sight airs on Wednesdays at 8/7c on Lifetime.
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