Monsters and Critics columnist Liz Long recaps Married at First Sight, Season 12, Episode 7, How Do You Know If You’re In Love, with a little help from a glass of pinot (or two) …
The experts have finally arrived, guys! Well, at least Pastor Cal, has. And I guess no one in filming or production alerted him to the mess that’s been going on with Paige and Chris since they married because he is “surprised” to hear the horror that’s been happening.
Let’s see … where do we start, Pastor. Well, Chris is in Chicago. Yeah, he left to possibly go be with his ex-fiancee who is also now pregnant with his baby. But this is just par for the course for us viewers. We’ve witnessed Chris insulting Paige and dropping bombs on her within the first five minutes of every episode so far. (Yet, oddly, Paige seems surprised at last night’s bomb … the bomb being that Chris—let me say it again—CHRIS wants a divorce!)
And, yes, there were a FEW funny moments, but yet again, the Chris drama reigned supreme. And Paige’s willingness to succumb to his line of B.S. was painful to watch. By the end of the episode, I seriously wanted to throw up.
Sorry guys. The episode was just that upsetting. Especially knowing all the while that Pastor Cal KNEW how recently engaged Chris was, yet sat there – surprised. Triple ugh.
Let’s unpack. Literally. As we settle into our “neutral” apartments (or as Paige calls it-their “mutual” apartments) and recap.
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Let’s start with the “Highlights.”
Pastor Cal begins chipping at Clara and Ryan’s polite surface
Pastor Cal asks the question to Ryan and Clara that I’ve been dying for: “How’s the intimacy going?” And I didn’t get the answer I believed (and still believe) to be true: it’s non-existent! (For the record, while they said they haven’t consummated the marriage, they’ve apparently done other things that are good but we haven’t even seen him kiss her, and next week she says she hasn’t seen him without a shirt on.)
If only Ryan could kiss his wife the amount of times he uses the word “sure.” Unfortunately, Clara can’t speak up to say “I’m dying over here, Pastor!” and just goes along with the polite terms that Ryan has set.
But at least Pastor Cal got her thinking out loud. Next week, it looks like Clara will finally break during the “friends” episode, when they play childish games like Truth or Dare and she declares, I’m not getting any satisfaction!
On a better note, Pastor Cal also got Ryan’s wheels churning to think that “love” might look different than his sort of rigid mentality. We shall see!
Pastor Cal Aligns Virginia with Erik’s Viewpoint
After having a cute little banter about pets and Virginia calling Erik “bae,” the two sit down with Pastor, who immediately notices they have no problem with that affection thing. It’s just that “Erik wants me to check in with him when I go places, Pastor.”
Listen, Virginia. You said you had “daddy issues.” So why you fussin’ when Erik is trying to keep order of the house. (Yes, I’m sort of joking here.) But in all seriousness, Erik tells Virginia he’d have a problem if she slept on some random guy’s couch. Not because he doesn’t trust her. It’s those 26-year-old concert-going dudes you have to look out for. Virginia is all this is me, young and free, but Pastor sets her straight.
By the way, Erik’s place was this swanked out bachelor pad–including leather couches and marble electric fireplaces, which I’m sure Virginia’s guy friends’ apartments don’t have. (Count your blessings, girl.)
Jacob and Haley discuss “Karen” shirts
Jacob and Haley have this odd dynamic going on. It’s like you don’t know if they like each other or want to rip each other’s heads off.
They basically didn’t talk on the way home from the honeymoon. Jake randomly accuses Haley that she has a boyfriend waiting at home, perhaps because he doesn’t want to admit she’s just not vibing with him.
After sleeping in the doghouse, Jake at least apologizes, and he is sort of creeping up as this kind of likable, humorous dude. I mean, he did call one of Haley’s shirts a “Karen shirt.” (I’m taking my jollies where I can get them, alright?)
Random thought: Do you think Jake named his dog “Gem” because she’s truly outrageous? It felt like a fitting joke for Jake, who, as Haley said tonight, is stuck in the 80s.
And now the bad stuff.
Bri and Vince are about to explode
So we all had hope that Bri and Vince would save this season. Unfortunately, there is a whole lot not being said underneath the surface. Namely, Vince is getting annoyed with the tone Bri uses, and it took the visit with Pastor for Vince to let this out.
Vince reveals that he’s worried about how he will react and he might fire back. As he said this, I couldn’t help but be reminded of his cousin’s words to Bri at brunch (warning her he has the potential to explode). Yet when Bri relayed the cousin’s words to Vince later that day, Vince denied it. This is worrysome. We are going to need solid communication on both ends for this to work. I don’t know why I just went into therapist mode there, guys, sorry.
I think it’s because I’m still hanging my hope on these two.
Because here we go …
Paige and Chris – “Mutual Apartment” for one?
In a nutshell, Chris is still going hard at I’m going to do everything I can to destroy this marriage while Paige is his doormat.
I’m sorry to say it, but it’s true and in real talk, I hope Paige has now had the time and space to realize this is not how anyone deserves to be treated.
Pastor Cal first chatted alone with Paige because Chris isn’t there, and, as I mentioned, this is where Pastor “learned” of all the horrific events Paige has been through. Unfortunately, I watched this episode and interaction with a whole new pessimistic lens that I don’t want to have. I cannot honestly go along with the fact that Pastor Cal was flabbergasted by Chris’s behavior. But I’ve already said enough on this. (Watch our video on the casting call here if you haven’t already.)
What was more troubling tonight was seeing how Paige took the abuse. Chris decides to join Cal and Paige and basically says he wants a divorce. He also managed to sneak in saying that while Paige has some redeeming qualities, his ex is pretty “amazing” as well.
Can we go home now, Paige? (Oh how I wish it was you calling that divorce attorney first!!)
Right after Pastor Cal left, and I feel the nausea setting in as I write this, Chris leans over and whispers to Paige “I’m divorcing you because I could really see myself falling for you.” Or some crap like that. Paige lit up, and, oh Lord, where is that strong Paige I met at the girls’ brunch?!!?
He ends up leaving, and it seemed as if she wanted him to stay, and call an ambulance for me someone because I’m dead.
I can’t. I just can’t.
Next week, oh heck I don’t know. Maybe Chris will tell us … I’m seriously drawing a blank … I think he’s dropped all the bombs he can. Well, maybe there is one more.
I’m just hoping Clara gets her kiss (after Paige goes out in a blaze of glory).
Til’ next week, friends.
Married at First Sight airs on Wednesdays at 8/7c on Lifetime.