Episode 3 of FX’s American Horror Story pretty much picks up right where Episode 2 left off. So, let’s take a look at what goes down in the latest installment of AHS: Double Feature.
We all know that Doris (Lily Rabe) was terrified of Lyme disease but, now that she found her daughter chowing down on a bunny in the graveyard, she has amped that level of hysteria right up.
Episode 3 opens with her scrubbing the blood of Alma (Ryan Kiera Armstrong) when Harry (Finn Wittrock) turns up. He guesses pretty quickly what is going on but the cops show up and want to question Alma alone as to why she was covered in blood in a cemetery.
I’m pretty sure her parents should be present but Chief Burleson (Adina Porter) ain’t got time for that. However, the stress soon gets to Doris and she goes into labor and falls down the stairs.
Doris has a fall
Luckily, it’s only false contractions due to stress but this means that Alma winds up at the hospital and in plain sight for a bunch of blood bags that completely whet her appetite.
Doris has to stay a few nights at the hospital which gives Harry the perfect opportunity to teach Alma all about the rules of being a new vampire.
There is a half-a**ed attempt at them both giving up the black pills but, seriously, viewers know that isn’t about to happen. So, let’s move along, shall we?
The first rule of Vampire Club is…
Already, Harry is telling Alma that they have to keep their vampire ways a secret from her mom, and Alma’s response is as cold as ice. Honestly, she wants to ditch Doris because she’s a hack anyway.
Then, she announces that she wants to feed. So, Harry has to head off and find some blood for his daughter.
He tries the same ruse that Austin Somers (Evan Peters) and Belle Noir (Frances Conroy) did, using the same house, in fact. Except, this time, he finds an unexpected visitor who knocks him out and holds him captive in the basement.
What’s worse than becoming a vampire’s victim?
It doesn’t take long to find out that Melanie (Rachel Finninger) and Tony (Blake Shields), the new owners of the house are into making pornographic snuff films.
Of course, with Harry’s new razor-sharp teeth, it doesn’t take long for him to get the upper hand and return home with some fresh blood soup for his daughter.
Ding dong, Ursula’s here
Right after breakfast, Ursula (Leslie Grossman) turns up to announce that Quentin Tarantino wants harry — personally — to write his limited series for Hulu. Which, of course, Harry is all chuffed about but doesn’t want Ursula getting too nosy in the house.
After taking her leave, Ursula heads to The Muse for a meal and instantly get’s p*ssed off with Austin and Belle’s karaoke. It’s not a smart move to tell the local vampires that their singing is terrible.
Once they clear out, she turns her hand to p*ssing off Mickey (Macaulay Culkin).
Mickey isn’t discouraged, though, and asks her to read a script.
It doesn’t take her long to work out that Mickey is talented AF. And that something is not quite right in this town.
And, it doesn’t take long at all after Ursula gets stuck into Mickey for him to cave and tell her about the little black pills.
Without even skipping a beat, Ursula wants in on those drugs. Even when Mickey explains that only those with a seed of talent can take them safely.
“I represent the producers of The Bachelor, f**ked up is my bread and butter,” Ursula responds before telling him he needs to get her some pills or she’ll toss his scripts into the garbage.
Mickey quickly does a reverse Kevin McCallister and breaks in to steal some pills from Austin and Belle while they are out.
Harry gets found out
Harry goes out for a feed with Austin and Belle. Halfway through, he puts some of the blood into a flask and this immediately arouses suspicion.
When confronted, on their way home, Harry quickly admits — at gun-point — that the blood is for his nine-year-old daughter.
This doesn’t go down well with Belle and Austin who immediately insist that Harry no longer allows Alma to have the pills.
Once they drop Harry off, they decide that Harry and his daughter need to die. I mean, he’s leaving them no choice, right?
I feel like Mickey killing dudes on the beach and eating them in broad daylight may be more of an issue. But, you do you, Belle. Especially since you still hold a grudge against Ursula picking on her singing and want Mickey to kill her as his first kill.
Ursula strikes a deal — several actually
While Belle may want Ursula dead, the agent is one step ahead of the romance writer and offers Mickey a deal he can’t refuse when he arrives to kill her. She offers him the deal to rewrite the remake of Speed Racer and Mickey can’t believe his luck.
Oh, and Ursula also wants to know who the source of the pills is and Mikey quickly gives up the fact that it is someone referred to as The Chemist (Angelica Ross).
Quickly, she heads on over to strike a deal with her.
The only problem is that The Chemist doesn’t like strangers and goes straight to Austin and Belle. She wants Ursula dead, Mickey, too.
Hell, in fact, she’s happy to see Harry and his entire family die as well rather than have to deal with strangers.
Meanwhile, Harry is heading into the hospital to visit Doris and Chief Burleson is finally given an opportune time to interrogate Alma without an adult present.
The policewoman has a pretty good idea of things too, which means it comes as no surprise that Alma kills her.
However, Harry is shocked to the core when he gets home and finds the dead chief being drained of blood while Alma and Ursula play cards.
As to what happens next, though, we will have to wait until next week’s episode of American Horror Story: Double Feature.
American Horror Story airs Wednesdays at 10/9c on FX.