Opinion Recaps Reviews Interviews Explainers
News

The Voice: Blake Shelton’s Manure is scent of the open range, essence of a cowboy, and aroma of masculinity

Blake Shelton's Manure on The Voice
Blake Shelton’s Manure scent is the “aroma of masculinity”. Pic credit: NBC

On The Voice Live Finale Part 2 last night, fans got a special message from the show’s new sponsor — Blake Shelton — in the form of a humorous commercial selling his new scent, Manure (pronounced “Ma-new-ray”).

The commercial begins with Blake Shelton asking, “What is the essence of a cowboy?” Leaning on a saddle, he adds, “What is the aroma of masculinity?”

The answer is Manure, the scent of the open range.

“Fertilize your senses. Life is a ride… so giddy up,” the commercial urges.

Blake holds an item of clothing to his nose: “I can smell you on my clothes and only one thing can get rid of you…. Manure.”

“One spray will take you to the rodeo,” the commercial continues. “I keep my secret in my boots and its Manure. I dream of you but I can’t wrangle you… Manure… everywhere I go, there I am… Manure!”

Shelton is so happy to have Manure that he rhapsodizes about the earthy smell that is the “essence of a cowboy” and the “aroma of masculinity.”

https://twitter.com/DianaElkins18/status/1131054537899253760

Then follows the fine print which is scrolled up the screen so fast that you are unlikely to get the message that Manure is poison. But since we think you need to be warned, we have the details below:

Do not wear Manure if you are operating heavy machinery or farm equipment.

The use, sale and possession or distribution of Manure is technically illegal. Spraying of manure anywhere within 50 yards of another human being is a violation of the Geneva Convention.

Intense hallucinations are not uncommon for up to 15 hours after exposure to Manure. Manure is not safe for use near livestock, small children or tall adults.

It must be kept at least 15 miles from any potable water source. Do not use near open flame. Not meant to be used on lawns or any other living thing.

Do not spray Manure directly on skin. If rash appears please consult your doctor.

The following are the common side effects of Manure:

Violent itchy rash, dry mouth, extra teeth, sudden temporary loss of spinal fluid, disturbingly smooth skin, tingly fur-covered eyeballs, itchy fingernails, and way too much spinal fluid.

Warnings: Manure’s been known to repel most people. The smell of Manure causes brain freeze. If the freeze lasts for four hours, wait four hours more.

Manure should not be used as a cleaning agent and is not appropriate for certain formal engagements.

Do not bathe in Manure. Manure is not mean to be used on lawns.

And finally, Manure is not available at any store near you and is approved by no one.


If you like this story then follow us on Google News or Flipboard.

Subscribe
Notify of
guest
0 Comments
Inline Feedbacks
View all comments
Do NOT follow this link or you will be banned from the site!