Swamp People recap: Tag out or die trying, Black Gold, Our Fathers and Holey Cannoli time

Well, I guess gators don;t worry about cavities and such. Pic credit: History
Well, I guess gators don’t worry about cavities and such on Swamp People. Pic credit: History

Where does time go? It’s the final day of gator hunting season in Louisiana, y’all! Last chance to keep the beasts in check as the show opens with Big Tee and Mr. Daniel geared up and ready to fight.

They head to a deep water canal made by the oil companies, a truly ugly industrial petrol-blight in the pretty swamp, as the big alligators love to live in them as a shelter of sorts.

Mr. Daniel is hunting “Black Gold” — his new nemesis gator he has a serious grudge on for. He says: “Today Black Gold got away from us…but we are in his home turf right now.”

Hardcore fans remember back in season 8 how Daniel got his “Grande Noir” gator he had been hunting for years. There’s a pattern with Mr. Daniel and lawd don’t cross him, he will get you eventually.

That guy holds a grudge more than any cast member!

Tenacious D (Daniel) and Big Tee are on Black Gold's tail. Pic credit: History
Tenacious D (Daniel) and Big Tee are on Black Gold’s tail. Pic credit: History

Bubbles are the big tell for the savvy hunters in the swamp as Mr. Daniel thinks he has a beat on the elusive dark reptile.

“That’s a good one Tee” says Mr. Daniel. “He’s mean!”

Well, in the end of that scene… they got a biggun’ but it wasn’t Black Gold.

The show closes with Mr. Daniel and Tee hot on Black Gold’s tail, and he got away from Daniel’s snare and bubbled away. “Man he’s one lucky alligator,” says Mr. Daniel.

Tenacious D does not stop chasing it. He follows the methane bubbles and sure ’nuff, Black Gold has the two on his case once again.

Tenacious says: “Shoot that sonofab*tch! Shoot Tee he’s gonna get away!…shoot!”

Black Gold is no more. Pic credit: History
Black Gold is no more. Pic credit: History

The season trophy is nailed by Tee, who next to Ashley Dead Eye Jones is a dead eye dick on this series. They can kill, those two.

Sidebar: If I were to rank which shooter I would want on my boat it would be Ashley Dead Eye Jones, Big Tee, and Holey Boley aka Holey Cannoli, his Jacob bestowed nickname from tonight. Troy is sloppy, Jay Paul is a little too gung ho and Terral looks like he’s an expert on where the good happy hours are in the swamp.

Tenacious D’s son Joey and Zac are in a “special place” called Holy Ground. Joey is a natural born salesman and swears the place is loaded with gargantuan reptiles.

Has anyone noticed that Zac Catchem is having the time of his life? He smiles and laughs at the size of these gators all through the episode.

Okay. A giant is captured. “A monster we can’t play with it…” says Joey.

Later on, they snare a leviathan at 12 feet — these two cleaned up. Zac has amazing teeth and could join RJ and Jay Paul in a Swamp People beefcake calendar — just suggesting.

This gator was a fighter but succumbed in the end. Pic credit; History
This gator was a fighter but succumbed in the end. Pic credit; History

Later on, a “smart” gator gets up under their boat and Joey was right, these are bonafide monsters. They tag out in style and Zac was appreciative to Joey for the experience.

In Houma, the Molinere’s hunt is on sacred Native American hunting grounds. Waxing about his heritage, it’s not hard to notice that RJ Molinere could sell a line of protein drinks or bars, he is a natural born killah and mesomorph.

The genetic drift runs strong as he and Jay Paul are in a dead run to fill tags. Then we learn their tags are MIA. This is akin to throwing away $2,000 and the risk of imprisonment for killing gators with no tags.

In a Hail Mary move, they found their tag box floating in a nearby bayou after RJ says seven Our Fathers for backup insurance. They tag out and Jay Paul wants to eat a steak.

Meanwhile Troy and Big Buddy (Terral Evans) bring Holey Boley and Jacob out with them to kill big breeder alpha males.

“I still got a couple of areas infested with alligators,” says Troy looking worried.

Troy and Terral haul in a mess of huge bulls. Pic credit History
Troy and Terral haul in a mess of huge bulls. Pic credit History

Big Buddy heads into the weeds to get a gator up on a bank. Bad idea. The gator rushes him. “Get the gun, man!” Terral blazes out of the brush. Little did he know he needed his Depends this day.

Looking a bit hypertensive, he said: “That was a close call brother!”

In the end, they fill the 1,000 tags Mr. Landry had for the 30-day season, and their last one was insanely huge. “Thank you Jesus,” says Troy.

I wonder what Jesus makes of all the earthly thanks he gets in a day and what they are for, and if some of them like Troy’s thanking him for filling 1,000 tags of dead gators cracks him up.

One Landry we did not get enough of this season was little Holey “Cannoli” [Holden officially has the most nicknames in the series] and oldest son Jacob Landry who are doing well and have a boat full of carcasses and its not even lunch.

The two get twin gators on a line and call it a good day.

Ashley Jones-the breakout star with Capt. Ronnie Adams, amIright? Pic credit: History
Ashley Jones-the breakout star with Capt. Ronnie Adams, amIright? Pic credit: History

In the end, they killed a mess of big breeders and tree shakers, but if you were to press me on who the season MVPs were, here we go…

In order of most watchable and their aggregate effective natural bohnn killah skills:

See y’all next gator season!

Next week: Swamp People Mysteries – Voodoo Python, airing 9 PM ET/PT on May 16.

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