Tonight’s Swamp People was bathed in the odoriferous stench of beef melt.
What is beef melt you may wonder?
Imagine you took all the cadavers in a morgue and threw them in an industrial-sized blender and let it sit for a while to get extra… extra. And then handled it all day and were in a small metal boat where the rays from the sun then baked it even more … extra.
And then you had to wear the clothes you were out on the boat in — while handling that mess getting slopped up on — while you ate.
The episode tonight is called cow killers, but in the end, it was a testament to the cast iron stomach Ashley Dead Eye Jones has. This fierce warrior mama who can field dress a brontosaurus musters all the strength of the goddesses of the swamp while enduring a full long sweaty humid-ass day shooting, hauling and slopping gators while Ronnie shoveled the sh**.
And lord was it.
But our Ronnie was back to his “baby baby” ways as his patented sexy talk was wheeled out once again. It surfaced in the heat of the hunt and later on, he treated Che (Ashley’s other name) and her man Chad and her kin to a Cajun feast that was enviable.
Che tucked in with no issues after inhaling rot fumes all day. You go, girl!
But we have jumped ahead here.
Day 10 and the busy Atchafalaya River are where Big T and Mr. Daniel are responding to an emergency call from a worried dredge worker who knows the Edgar clan.
Vicious gators are killing and laying wait for humans to venture in the water.
The dredging has come to a stop and the two are enlisted to winnow the gator herd.
First gator kill goes down but at the expense of Big T’s knee — which is injured. It’s bad too. He cannot get around the boat and Mr. Daniel is worried. Then he managed to shoot the colossus and soldiered through the pain.
All in all, they clear out a pile of gators and give their friend some peace of mind.
We meet up then with Ronnie and Ashley Dead Eye “Che” Jones who are also hunting gators out on the Bell River.
Ronnie has a nice ripe bucket of beef melt that makes Ashley hurl chunks over the side of the boat.
“It smells like a three-day-old poo diaper,” says Ronnie. Who has a three-day-old poo diaper around the house in hot humid Louisiana?
“The smell does not go away,” Che says. Lord, I can smell it through the screen.
They nab a gargantuan and Che pops him good. As they progress their “nasty raunchy bait” as Ronnie describes it lovingly, their boat was loaded with nine carcasses. The ten footer makes number ten.
And then number eleven gets our Ronnie back to his sexy talking again. “Oh baby, baby come on, yeah baby you know, I got ‘cha come on give it to me baby…” Ronnie’s baby talk gets the gator as that beef melt seems pretty effective. Or, maybe the reptile fell for his sweet talking.
Over in Bayou Black, Frenchy and Gee have a new rig and the right attitude. Frenchy is irrepressible and Gee is a mute these days. Gee needs to drink whatever Frenchy is having.
They have a goal as Frenchy wants to protect his cattle from the ‘gators. Last year he lost two cows to gator attacks and that cost him real money. Now they are on the hunt at the edge of his property and they have a cattle killer on the line. Bingo, bango…. Frenchy and Gee nail the 500+ pound beast and it’s salt and pepper time.
That’s their tradition, newcomers, let’s revisit the way back machine.
Their last gator was “jaw hooked” on the line and what was shown was frightening. “Show me that head, says Frenchy. Another behemoth bites the dust and gets the S&P seasoning treatment.
Manly men without sleeves report: King of the Swamp Troy and Terral with what looks to be a barbed wire tattoo on his arm are on the hunt too. They are seeking Heavy Duty, a gator that got away two years ago. “He look like he’s a army tank,” says Troy, minus his belt and lucky donuts.
“We got a tree shaker here baby we got a tree shaker!…This could be Heavy Duty right there buddy!” says a very excited Troy.
Alas, not Heavy Duty… but onward they soldier. The two men ride up on a huge gator, and could it be?
Nope, but the day is not over for the two veterans. Further down the road, Big Buddy, Terral ‘s nickname, and Troy are wrassling a dinosaur on the line who was dead in a flash. Still, not Troy’s nemesis Heavy Duty. These geezers wind up plugging 23 gators!
And the finale? Heavy Duty for the win at 12 1/2 feet. The biggest kill of the day.
A small note of concern. Big T says he will “try to do anything” to get better and back to work, but he really needs to watch his intake and take better care of himself. He’s too young to be addled with knee issues. He’s a nice man and we hope Mr. Daniel can talk some sense into him.
And…Che and her family are treated to a real Cajun feast with a table full of shrimp boil, garlic bread and potatoes done up right…and baby, baby, baby can Ronnie cook. I am sure he’s good at many things. Read between the lines. Say no more, a wink is as good as a nod to a blind man.
See y’all next week.
Swamp People airs Thursdays on History Channel.
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