Stranded With a Million Dollars recap: The let’s watch Millennials spend $105K in under a minute edition

Ashley and Michael are up to their knees in mud, just moments before they both quit the challenge

Only Millennials would blow $105,000 in 30 seconds to buy non-essential survival supplies, including a pizza delivery. If anybody survives MTV’s Stranded with a Million Dollars’ 40-day challenge, they’ll be lucky if they can afford Starbucks on what’s left at the end.

But I’ve jumped ahead. Let me back up and set the stage for the rank stupidity that shall ensue.

They’re four days in, and already down to nine of the original 10 competitors.

They have $85,000 left of the original $100,000 they were given… but nobody else knows about Gina and Michael’s secret $15,000 hamburger binge at the Temptation.

“One down, eight to go. Game on,” Cody says. He’s setting himself up to be the villain.

He’s not wrong, though. These Millennials are feeling the pain of not having the soft couch in their parents’ basement to flop on while they binge Netflix and send Snapchats to their friends.

Millennial Ashley says she has never had more than $2 in her checking account, and got a DUI when she was 18.

Her parents have always bailed her out of her messes. She’s playing this game to try to pay them back for all her legal bills.

Chances of surviving? Nil. But she’s not the only hot mess out there.

“My makeup’s messed up, my eyebrows are gone. I smell bad. But I’m just so glad I got some food in my system. If I didn’t have that Temptation with Michael, I would have left,” Gina says.

C’mon, it’s only been three days, people! #MillennialProblems

Michael thinks being an Eagle Scout makes him ready for surviving the 40 days, but maybe he should have been smarter than to show up wearing Topsiders with no socks.

For the journey to their next campsite, where they’ll find the next $100,000, they have to bring anything they want to keep from the old camp.

Cody’s bringing the flares so other people can quit. #Hilarious

They also have to make the trek in a limited amount of time – all of them – or they don’t get the money.

Predictably, Gina’s the dead weight on the hike.

There’s no sense of teamwork and it’s a hot mess to watch.

“All my shoelaces are gone,” Ashley whines.

Then they hike through mud. Really gross, icky mud. It’s awesome. I was howling.

Chris is feeling sick. And he’s thinking about quitting already.

Michael can’t keep his shoes on and he’s miserable. Again, Topsiders dude. Really?

Personally, I think his suffering is pure karma for lying about the Temptation where he spent $15,000 of the group’s money.

They can’t keep up a pace that will actually make the deadline to collect their next $100,000, and the ones in the lead are getting frustrated.

Ashley gives up and quits, three days and five hours into the 40-day survival challenge

“Guys, give me the flare,” Ashley gives up halfway through the hike. Nobody’s tries to discourage her.

She survived three days, five hours. Not impressive.

The production crew with them is hauling camera gear, and slogging through the mud, too. Do the Millennials feel no shame at all?

Michael, the Eagle Scout, taps out at three days, six hours. #Embarrassing

Now Gina’s the only one there who cheated at the Temptation. Oops.

The group gets to the money with only a couple minutes to spare. Cody gets even cockier when he looks at how people are holding up after the hike.

Makani, an organic farmer, starts the shelter, and nobody is helping her.

Predictably, it starts raining.

The next morning, they just sit around, doing nothing to feed or water themselves.

Alex, Chris and Alonzo start a fire with sticks and somebody’s shoelace.

Then they get a message, at their camp, congratulating them on the new $100k, and Gina gets busted for spending the group’s money, and lying about it.

Michael and Gina spent $15,000 of the group’s money to stuff their faces – and lied about it

“It was a burger. And chips,” Gina lies again. #LiarLiarPantsOnFire

“You’re the only one that would have taken it at that point,” Cody says. Probably true.

Bitter about being wet and hungry, the crew led by Alex goes on a mad shopping binge the next time they get the opportunity to buy something.

Alex, Alonzo, Gina, and Eilish have no interest in anybody else’s opinion now that they have a majority.

“I realized in that moment that my voice and my vote was meaningless,” Makani says.

“We have the numbers, so whatever we decide to buy, will be bought,” Alex says.

They buy a backpack, a cooking pot, a machete, a fire-starter kit, a two-man tent, a tarp, and a pizza. $105,000 in all.

“The tent is for specific people,” Alex says. He thinks he can tell the others the tent is only for them. What a selfish a*****e!

“The five of us would kind of share at Chris’s and Cody’s expense,” Alex says.

How can they just decide that? Honestly, if I were Chris and Cody, I’d take that tent just cuz they were so s***ty about it.

“You guys are opening all sorts of doors, no rules,” Cody says. I agree.

“Did you have in mind that people would switch off and share?” Chris asks, giving them an out.

Alex says if they don’t vote for it, they don’t get to use it. He says they don’t HAVE TO share anything.

“And I’m the selfish one here?” Cody asks.

Makani can’t handle conflict. She goes to take a bath in the river, and cry, while they argue.

“I don’t like scheming against people,” Makani says. What is she doing on this show?

Cody bonds with Makani, while she sits crying on a rock in the river.

Millennials that they are, they joke about how much each bite of pizza is costing them. Because that’s funny when mommy and daddy pay your bills.

And because this cast is so ridiculous, production had to send in a message with some rules for these jerks.

The message explains how Temptations work, but more importantly, it explains that all property purchased with group money is up for grabs.

And then, karma intervenes again. Chris gets the new Temptation, and he takes Cody with him, of course.

Their temptation is awesome. It has clothes, food, and shoes. Cody scores a poncho. They don’t hesitate to spend group money.

As soon as they get back to camp with their booty, Alex says they have to stop spending money. Bahahaha! #Hypocrite

At bedtime, Makani asks to sleep in the tent, and they tell her no.

I don’t like these kids one little bit. They’re making me like Cody. WTF? Didn’t see that coming.

The journeys are supposed to get harder and more dangerous every episode. It’s only a matter of time before more drop out.

Millennials weren’t raised to fend for themselves. But watching them get so selfish and savage at the same time is fascinating.

It’s Lord of the Flies meets Hunger Games on MTV.

Things we’re left wondering

Why didn’t Cody and Chris just take the tent? Or go sit in it and refuse to move? I understand taking the high road, but it’s cold and wet out there.

How are they choosing who gets the Temptations? I’m guessing it’s whoever they think is going to flare out next. Last week, Gina should have left. This week they were propping up Chris.

Stranded with a Million Dollars airs Tuesdays at 10/9c on MTV.

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