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Recap: The Real Housewives of New Jersey, The Gotti Karma Payback Edition

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I didn’t get a chance to watch Part 2 of “The Real Housewives of New Jersey” reunion until Sunday night because I had two weddings to run this weekend with the challenge of a lot of bad tropical weather.

When I finally sat down to watch it, I had to admit that it was better – at least a little bit – than Part 1. Mostly because there was more of the husbands featured and they’re as nasty as the wives. And it’s more fun to watch a catfight between men than women. These ladies have been hissing at each other for a few months. Gotta admit I’ve found the men to be far more interesting this season. I’m NOT saying I like them. I just hate them less than their wives.

The reunion picks up again talking about Joe and Teresa Giudice’s legal problems. It’s always hard to watch her face in the little box when they’re showing clips. And please understand, I wasn’t some Teresa fan in previous seasons and I’m not one now. But I feel compassion for this woman who had to film this reunion with a bunch of people she can’t stand just a few days after she found out she’d be going to prison in January.

“I came on the show for fun and it went totally a different way. I mean, look where I’m at now. I was so naïve,” she says. “I’m saying there’s people that came on this show that tried to hurt Joe and I – I mean some of them were Housewives and some of them were strangers.” They show clips of Kim G. from prior seasons. I still dislike her intensely and hope we never have to see her on the show again. Total trash.

They show clips of the Giudice girls literally growing up over the span of their time on the show. And the classic shot of Tre threatening to send Milania to boarding school.

“When the cameras are rolling, she acts out,” Tre explains. “The crew has seen my kids grow up… the cameras were there when Audriana was born.”

Andy questions her about the success – or lack thereof – of all of her businesses.

“Fabellini, there’s no profit… like any business you have to put money into it,” Tre says and explains that her dessert line never took off. A lot of businesses won’t sell her products because of the legal problems, and a lot that used to sell her stuff won’t anymore.

Asked about the problems between the Giudices and the Gorgas, her brother says “Last year we gave it all up, we became a family again.” However, the two couples are not close. Joe Gorga says the Giudices are in their own world.

“Family is family,” Tre says. It’s their mantra. I don’t think it actually means anything to these people though. They’ve all just seen too many Godfather movies.

“We’ve learned a lot,” Joe Gorga says. Andy asks him if he blames his brother in law for what is happening to his sister.

“I dunno. Do I blame him? It happened. I’m not blaming anybody. It happened. I’m just going to be there for them and support them and that’s it. That’s what family does, right?” Joe beats the “family” dead horse again.

“I gotta blame myself. Who else am I gonna blame?” Juicy takes the responsibility for the situation.

“I didn’t understand my plea deal,” Tre claims. I think she either needs to play stupid or be smart, but she can’t keep playing both sides here.

She seems to blame her attorneys without using those words. She’s been in the blogs a lot lately for firing her image consultant and other press people and seems to be playing ignorant about the fact that she was never properly advised on the numbers she was submitting or that she could actually end up doing jail time.

When the subject of potential deportation for her husband comes up, Tre looks like she’s going to pass out and start softly muttering ‘”Oh my God” over and over. And telling Joe not to discuss it. Guessing their lawyers told them the topic is taboo.

It starts to get ugly early when they Terayza busts in with her opinion.

“It’s a tragedy what you’re going through… I wouldn’t wish that on my worst enemy… but what I’m saying, I cannot be a hypocrite… she brought Victoria on the show,” Terayza starts initiating shit. “You did you did you did… Teresa, that is what I was told.”

“I respected you Teresa. I was there for you. I was praying for you,” Terayza claims as they show the footage of her saying that this is happening to Tre’s family because she brought Victoria Gotti’s rumor out in the open.

“What’s clink clink?” Tre asks when they show the clip of Terayza saying that. Everybody explains it’s handcuffs.

Andy asks Nicole how she would handle things as if she’s some kind of legal expert.

“What I feel, if a judge or something does asks for something, whether it’s your financial statement or this, you must give it. Otherwise, they do get a little upset over that,” Nicole says as if she has any clue what she’s saying based on her legal experience getting a divorce. No comparison, but she’s actually right.

Andy asks about the financial omissions and whether she wished she’d handled it differently.

“I never even went over the financial statement with anybody,” Juicy claims.

“Our accountant would call and ask us questions and fill it out. Listen, a probation officer comes to your house, if we were trying to hide something when the probation officer came we woulda got stuff out of there,” Tre says with a perfectly straight face. I’m confused. Why would a probation officer have visited their house during the investigation? Does she mean since the sentencing? Is she totally upside down about what’s actually going on? Is the stupid showing again?

“I’ve always been a person to cross every t and dot every i,” Tre says this wasn’t her fault. Their attorneys never went through anything with them, they claim.

“No one has to feel bad for me. I feel bad for myself. And I’m going to deal with it,” Tre says.

“Just gotta look forward and just get it over with – can’t break down,” Juicy agrees. At least they’re hanging tight together although I’m sure there’s some resentment going on. It’s gotta be very hard, especially given that she’s going to do time first.

“Do you feel like you get it now, in her words?” Andy is referring to the judge at sentencing.

“Of course I do,” Tre says quickly. “It’s just hard talking about this Andy.”

Moving on to other topics, Terayza says she hasn’t had her boobs done. Okay, then that is the most unflattering dress in the entire world. And she spends half the time tweaking the top of it and playing with her boobs. I’m thinking she had some work done but isn’t admitting it. Those things look kinda scary and I never noticed that during the season.

And she and Melissa clearly didn’t coordinate on outfits or they wouldn’t both be wearing white. Melissa looks young and cute, Terayza looks old, plastic and trying too hard. It’s a little bit pathetic. Amber calls her out and says she looks like “Skelator” a little later in the show. Mean but not that far off.

There’s some discussion of her history with Rino and their divorce and remarriage without going down the Victoria Gotti rumor about Rino sleeping with her mom avenue.

“I’m either that smart or that dumb,” Terazya says about remarrying Rino.

“Rino did not cheat… he dated a stripper,” Terayza clarifies for anyone who might be confused. “He dates young strippers. That’s who he buys Rolexes for, not old hags.” Well, that certainly makes it better. It also supports Victoria Gotti’s story about how Rino brought her a Rolex in the hospital and asked her out. Hmm. That said, he was doing all this during the years they were divorced.

Twin Nicole is still living at her parents. Her kids are blurred in all the pics so I’m guessing her ex isn’t letting them do the show. She thinks the appropriate time for a ring from Bobby is within the next year. Terayza agrees based on the relationship she’s built with Bobby over the past year.

“Bobby is a trust-fund kid,” Terayza defends him when Amber starts attacking. “What’s so bad about being born with a silver spoon in your mouth?”

“He’s a volunteer firefighter… Bobby would not be living in the house he lives in on a fireman’s salary,” Nicole says.

Andy brings up the fact that she’s been accused of being a “gold digger.”

“I’ve always heard her with people who are very successful and have money so I don’t know if that’s what she was seeking, but you know, that’s her definite pattern for sure,” Amber agrees with the assessment. But it was actually Melissa who she implied was looking for men with money back when Amber was getting the education that none of us can tell she has when she talks or writes. She has the worst grammar and misuses words constantly. Painful to listen to her talk.

Jim Marchese arrives on the set to join the reunion. I looked at him and thought his presence was akin to somebody not picking up their dog’s poop. Everyone thinks he’s a piece of shit.

“Thanks for taking a break from Twitter,” Andy says. “Do you have an anger management problem?”

“No, he has an asshole problem,” Amber jumps in, and it’s hilarious. That’s so true. He may also have an anger management problem but really, I think he’s a posing little asshole with a Napoleon complex and crazy desire to be in the public eye, whatever lies he has to tell to get there.

“I’m scorched earth. You cross a line, I’ll burn you to the ground,” Jim threatens.

“But then I recently found out you’re not actually a lawyer,” Andy confronts him.

“I don’t practice law. I’m not licensed. I’m an expert. What I do is I get paid a lot of money to advise lawyers. I just passed the bar. I recently submitted to the character committee. And now the character committee and I go through a dance. And because I graduated 10 years ago, it takes about a year to get through ethics committee,” Jim explains.

Okay, in his defense (which I hate to even give him), there are a lot of people who go to law school but don’t actually practice law because they can make more money doing other things. Or they like doing other things. Granted, most of them take the bar exam in at least one state so they have a license if they need it, but that fact alone doesn’t make Jim that unusual.

Taking a year to get through the ethics committee, that’s another story and Jim’s sordid past, previous businesses that were investigated and cases he was supposedly “a whistleblower” on will definitely get him extra screening. The way he portrayed himself as part of the team prosecuting the Giudices should get him blackballed if his state’s bar association has any backbone at all. He’s garbage and exactly what the bar association should be screening out.

Juicy had a shit-eating grin on his face when they slammed Jim but he never opened his mouth. Don’t like him but was laughing along with him for sure.

“So Rino, you made $8.5 million last year?” Jim asks, as though making money explains why it’s okay to be an asshole.

“I don’t discuss anything with finances,” Rino says succinctly. Everyone starts yelling and talking and Melissa softly tells Tre she should tell Jim not to talk about money on television. Tre’s like “not my problem” and keeps her mouth shut. That was sort of a little dig from Melissa – especially given how much of the Gorga’s businesses and finances were displayed this season.

“And you know what, little Bobby, he doesn’t make that kind of money unless Daddy gives it to him,” Jim is on fire and so jealous that the flame is green. Apparently, he came from nothing. Perhaps that explains his general lack of couth but I have plenty of friends who were the first in their families to pursue higher education and they all have manners. Jim doesn’t have any excuse.

“To say that you are polarizing is putting it mildly. Do you understand why there is great disdain for you?” Andy asks. “You think it’s people who are born with silver spoons who don’t like you?”

“I don’t know anybody who hasn’t liked me other than people who Bobby has paid to twit,” Jim says.

OMG let me just say that I HATE YOU JIM MARCHESE and I wasn’t born with a silver spoon in my mouth nor was I paid to “twit” – in fact, I had to block you because you were annoying and abusive and didn’t seem to realize that bloggers are sooo not interested in engaging in Twitter war with the “talent” of the shows they’re blogging. We’d rather just not blog your show at all. If you hadn’t been on RHONJ, people wouldn’t have watched you on some new show. You would have been a deal breaker.

“Amber, do you believe that Nicole is a home wrecker?” Andy asks.

Nicole admits that her ex-boyfriend was still married but separated and compares it to Dina’s situation.

“I had a lot of conversations with Bobby before… and they weren’t good about Nicole, alright. He did not seem like he loved her. Not at all,” Amber is specific.

“You didn’t have that conversation about her with me,” Bobby argues.

“Bobby, you wanted to be on the show. You would have done anything and everything. Please!” Amber yells back at him.

Jim pulls out some paperwork. Everybody starts laughing about how they’re not allowed to bring props and Andy declares that it’s “evidence.” Makes me think New York Housewife Aviva Drescher’s doctor’s notes.

“He was not happy to be with her. He was waiting for the contracts to come in. And if the contracts weren’t coming in he was high-tailing it out of there.” Amber declares. Andy confirms that she’s talking about the show contracts and she says yes, that’s what Bobby wanted.

“Amber you guys made up more stories than Dr. Seuss and Cecil B. DeMille combined,” Bobby starts defending himself and Jim starts breaking out pictures!!!

Apparently, before he was on the show, he was a RHONJ Superfan. Bahaha!

Bobby attended every book signing and promo event over the years because he was a Housewives whore. He has pics of himself with half of the former cast members and really lame excuses as to why he attended everything he possibly could. It’s so obvious and he’s so busted. But that doesn’t make Bobby less likeable or Jim less of an asshole. I just feel sorry for Bobby. I thought he was dumb. Now I know he is. Bobby and Nicole are perfect for each other and it’s a good thing his parents have money.

Amber is laughing so hard she’s crying while they’re all looking at the pictures. Joe Gorga is trying to put physical distance between himself and Jim, and Juicy is sitting there, not saying a word, just laughing his ass off. It was funny to watch.

Bobby calls them liars and Jim and Amber fight back. When he’s criticized for being so rude to the wives, Jim claims that it’s sexist not to be. If they treat him like that, he should be just as nasty back. Nice. Great justification.

Jim tries to start up a fight with Joe Gorga about his sister and it almost comes to blows – except nobody will hit the little wimp because you know he’s probably got his attorneys backstage or waiting outside in the car. He would LOVE IT if somebody took a punch. He likes to threaten to sue people. Joe Gorga isn’t that dumb.

Part 3 of the reunion looks like it’s going to get even uglier with Jim.

“Next time I want somebody to dance on my grave, I know who to call,” the teasers show Tre saying. And they show a sad farewell to the show for her. That’s probably the only reason I’m going to tune in. I want to say goodbye too with the rest of America. No, we didn’t all love Teresa, but nobody wished this on them either, even if it is totally their own faults.

Sandy Malone is a reality TV star, expert wedding planner, and internationally-syndicated columnist for Conde Nast's BRIDES and The Huffington Post, in addition to Monsters... read more
Sandy Malone

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