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Recap: Real Housewives of New York, Manhattan’s a Ghost Town in Summer Edition

rhonyWhy does BravoTV always slide in the BEST line on their teasers? OMG. Did you catch when, next week on Part 3 of “The Real Housewives of New York” reunion, they ask Sonja Morgan why she forgave Aviva?

“I’m able to forgive her [Aviva] because I’m a Christian,” Sonja explains. Was anybody else waiting for lightning to strike that stage? Seriously. This is the woman who claims to have banged all of Manhattan already (that was her logic for why she and Harry should be together), walks the line of pedophilia in her dating habits, and tonight revealed that she has a homeless girl in Ireland doing her tweeting and blogging for her?

Seriously? SERIOUSLY? If that’s even close to true, I want to know why Sonja hasn’t imported her to work for free for Team Sonja in New York. Aren’t there plenty of nice boxes in the alleys in her neighborhood? Then Sonja could invite her in to choose her underwear like the other interns.

And that brings us to my favorite part of tonight, when Andy Cohen finally grilled Sonja’s ass about what, EXACTLY, her interns are doing for her and who the hell is giving them academic credit.

Turns out that ALL of her interns are unpaid – even the ones who have been there for years – and that they’re not very smart. She said it herself in explaining what they do to earn academic credit.

“One semester they could just be learning to use the Mac and how to schedule. That is a challenge in itself,” Sonja defends her academic value.

Now seriously, find me one current college kid who doesn’t know how to use a Mac. Unless she’s recruiting from Dumbass State University, all of them are better computer-prepared than Sonja. I truly hope they were offended as shit tonight when she said that. If it were me, I’d be home wiping the bitch’s hard-drive. Figure out your own schedule old lady. And start picking out your own underwear. OMG.

And Sonja was in full live-tweet mode tonight – or was it her unpaid homeless Irish girl? I mean, did she seriously say that? She did. Would somebody please do a breakdown of all of her lies? I don’t have time. I mean the yacht and hanging with P. Diddy are pretty obvious, but I’m not sure she doesn’t have an unpaid homeless social media lackey. That’s just sad. It bothers me. Would somebody from TMZ verify that please? I’m gonna need video.

Ramona was in snotty-bitch, self-righteous mode tonight. But at least now we all know where the ONLY acceptable places are to own a vacation home.

“Aspen, Palm Beach, Hamptons, New York City, Beverly Hills…” Ramona lists as desirable second home locations. Gotta ask – has ANYBODY ever heard of the last two being someplace people don’t run away from on the weekends? For real. Unless they’re staying for a party. Manhattan is a ghost town in the summer.

And she was so rude telling Heather she’d expected more when she heard her home in the Berkshires was on 26 acres of land. Nevermind Heather told her only the pool house was built and that’s where they were staying – Ramona has to say that pool houses in the Hamptons are better. I wonder if the Edie Beales have a spare room for Ramona next to Blanche DuBois (aka Sonja). All these women are nucking futz!

“The Berkshires are for people who can’t afford the Hamptons,” Ramona is fascinating. The more offensive she gets, the prouder she seems. I bet we could raise a million bucks for charity with a “Slap Ramona” fundraiser in the Berkshires. I’ll plan it for free if Heather kindly lets me use her lovely property.

We may just have to live with the satisfaction of watching Ramona flip when Andy grilled her about Mario. She used her daughter as her excuse for not discussing it because, clearly, Avery isn’t bright enough to read all about her dad’s infidelity on every tabloid on the newsstands and online. C’mon Ramona, she’s smarter than Sonja’s interns. She knows how to use Google. And probably a Mac too.

Just so we’re clear, everything is not fine in the Singer house. Mario’s been diddling other women and Ramona is mortified because the only positive thing in her life to brag about, other than her daughter, is how great her marriage is. And she sure threw that in LuAnn’s face over and over again when LuAnn was suffering from her own divorce.

“We’re marred for 21 years so obviously we a have successful marriage,” Ramona bragged just this season. Was that before Mario found a nicer woman to have sex with? I know that’s wrong and I don’t condone cheating, but if ever there was a woman who deserved to get it right back… it’s that nasty Ramona Singer.

We all saw Mario joking with Heather at a party saying “The best cheaters are the ones who get away with it, in every sense of the word.” Heather looked uncomfortable then, but I bet she laughed her ass off too when she heard about the shit going down when the season ended.

Ramona got aggressive with Andy because she didn’t want to answer questions about this in any form.

“I don’t want to take this discussion any further,” Ramona informs him, like she’s in charge. He may be the one person on that stage you cannot bully Ramona! And then she had the nerve to ask him about who he’s sleeping with.

“I’ll tell you when I go on a reality show with whoever I’m having sex with,” he shut her down. She tells him he is on a reality show and he educates her. “I’m actually not, honey.”

Ramona with Andy Cohen tonight kinda reminds me of how Sonja Morgan got mad at my blog last week and mean-tweeted me about it til I explained the difference between a “blogger” and a “fan” – and then she blocked me. Tonight one of her “first interns ever” attacked my live-tweets in the most ridiculous way too. All it did was tell me that her interns aren’t learning anything. Including how to write understandable tweets. They can insult my weight and clothing though so they’re learning something from Lady Morgan. Real class.

I can’t even compare myself with Carole’s resume – she’s a really well-established journalist. But my exchange with Sonja’s former intern reminded me a little too much of Aviva attacking Carole. Do your homework dumbass! But I digress.

Andy is a network exec and the host of the reunion. His sex life is not on the table for discussion. And Ramona deserved every question. I thought he was gentler with her than she deserved. I LOVED how LuAnn called her out on it.

“How many times have we been sitting on this couch and Ramona makes suggestions that I cheated on my husband?” LuAnn asks.

“I went through hell and it’s really hard when your other half cheats on you Ramona…” LuAnn tries to be nice… not really. LOL

“It’s allegations!” Ramona’s screaming over and over and over again. Sure, keep telling yourself that. Delusional is the theme of your particular couch.

“Just don’t even go there LuAnn… stop, just stop,” Ramona demands. “I’m not talking about this anymore. I want this closed down. Stop it Andy! I don’t want to talk about it. I don’t want to talk about anything. I am my own person. I am a great person….” Clearly she’s repeating the mantra her shrink gave her to use when she can’t get to the meds fast enough.

“Next package,” Ramona sings out (as if she’s in control of the show) and Kristen tells her she needs a Xanax. Ramona agrees.

Andy points out that Ramona has previously attacked LuAnn when her marriage fell apart and LuAnn has the best response ever.

“Ramona’s done some pretty hurtful things to me, and I think karma’s a bitch,” LuAnn says. She’s right. Karma is a bitch. And she’s Puerto Rican and a good friend of mine.

Sonja tries to attack LuAnn for stealing Harry and it gets weird because Aviva expresses that she’s all bummed it didn’t work out for Harry and Sonja.

“You know, we feel like a family together, me, Harry and Sonja,” Aviva says. That’s weird. He’s her ex-husband. Anybody else notice she didn’t mention her current husband when she was naming the whole crowd that hangs together and has so much fun as a “family.” Ew. Of course, look at the example she had with pervert daddy. Kid never had a chance of being normal growing up in that house.

Any bets on whether she’d dump Reid to be with Harry if it would keep her on the RHONY for a few more seasons? I know that’s mean but I don’t think that far-fetched of a concept. Oh wait, maybe I shouldn’t be giving Aviva ideas.

I’m not even going to go there with Aviva attacking Carole and calling her “”writer girl.” Anyone who knows who Carole is also knows Aviva is an idiot.

“Nobody cares Carole, you’re not that important of a writer that anybody cares who wrote your book….” Aviva can’t let it go. Ramona asks Aviva if she’s sorry and she says she’s not. Well, okay then.

I can’t tell if this is a three or four part reunion (please BravoTV, let it only be three), but next week I’m going to be watching for lightning strikes when Sonja’s talking about what a good Christian she is. That’s just over-the-line delusional.

Sandy Malone is a reality TV star, expert wedding planner, and internationally-syndicated columnist for Conde Nast's BRIDES and The Huffington Post, in addition to Monsters... read more
Sandy Malone

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