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Recap: Real Housewives of New Jersey, The ‘Healthier To Love From A Distance’ Edition

real-housewives-of-new-jersey-season-6-the-marcheses-call-out-bobbyThe first part in this three-part reunion of the “Real Housewives of New Jersey” was kind of a snore. Except for when Teresa Giudice got up and left when they started talking about her legal problems, but even then it didn’t get interesting.

Tre appeared to be pretty zooped up on Xanax or Valium or some other psychotropic med that’s likely been prescribed to keep her from having a complete nervous breakdown in the wake of her sentencing just a few days before the reunion was filmed.

She also looked like she’s aged. And I’m not saying that to be mean. It just an observation. Suddenly she looks haggard. Exhausted. Miserable to be there. All the things you would expect to see from a woman who has just figured out that her husband has completely fucked up her life and now they’re both going to prison, and it’s nothing like the “vacation” Joe referred to it as when they discussed it earlier in the season. Hey, he’s not even going in first. She’s leading the way.

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So I guess Teresa had every right to look like shit, feel like shit, and generally be pissed off to be there. Watching the clip of her aunt saying that when you do bad things, you pay the price was just too much for her. Un-medicated Tre would have flipped out and gone after Kathy or Rosie. Tonight’s Teresa just wanted it to be over.

Her most valid point of the night was when they were discussing fixing broken family relationships (Dina was actually the target of the discussion) and Tre jumped in.

“You got something to say to someone, pick up the phone,” Tre says social media is the wrong platform for these conversations. She’s right. Everybody knows that. There’s a reason we all cringe every time Jacqueline Laurita texts her.

The general public seems to think Teresa Giudice is still living in LaLa Land and that could be true if she really thinks her tween daughter doesn’t know mommy’s going away.

“My kids don’t know anything. It’s like how it’s always been,” Teresa tells Andy. I just don’t believe that. There’s no way Gia’s not in the loop and that the other girls are totally oblivious. Their world is crashing – maybe they just don’t understand why yet. But they know.

Too much time wasted on Dina tonight. She’s still married. Hasn’t filed for divorce. Still not speaking to her siblings. She has funerals in her head for people she hates, but she only has wakes if it’s family. Seriously? Wow. But she still loves them all.

“It’s just healthier to love from a distance,” Dina explains.

Dina’s never met her nephew Nicholas but she prays for him every night. However, she doesn’t want to meet her nephew because she hates her sister-in-law. Chris texted her after he heard she was separated but Jac put the kybosh on the two of them getting together.

“I’m more bothered for the kids who understand,” Dina says, meaning Nicholas is too young to understand the family issues. She invited the whole family to her daughter’s graduation party because Lexi is Chris’s goddaughter. But they didn’t come. Apparently Jac texted Lexi and said they’d only come if there was a sit-down with them all first.

Dina doesn’t want a family throw down. She’s not interested. She’d be happy to see them as long as nobody brings up the drama and the past. Dina wasn’t invited to Lauren Manzo’s engagement party and her feelings are hurt. Didn’t sound like she was expecting a wedding invitation either.

They showed a clip of Amber talking about “the cancer.” Then they argued over Amber calling it “the cancer” instead of “cancer.” Apparently she couldn’t remember which twin had accused her of playing the cancer card and that caused another disagreement. That ended when one of the twins took a cheap shot about a nose job which Amber says she hasn’t had.

Reality check – half the time we don’t know which twin is which. Nor do we care. Sorry girls.

Andy reads a question from a viewer that wants to know if Jim treats Amber badly at home.

“I don’t piss him off at home,” Amber says, explaining that Jim isn’t Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde with her. Their relationship is perfect. Except, of course, for what we saw on camera this season.

“Act like a lady, he’ll treat you like a lady. Act like a barbarian, he’ll treat you like that,” Amber says when the girls complain about him calling them stupid at the party at Bobby’s house.

Everyone IN THE ENTIRE WORLD would like to see Jim Marchese lose his Twitter privileges.

“He is a disaster on social media,” Andy agrees.

Amber defends Jim’s tweets by saying she was horrified by the twins’ kids’ tweets. I must’ve missed that. And I must have also missed the social media rule that says it’s okay for an adult to be an idiot because of what a teenager is tweeting. Time to grow up and get a life, Jimbo. God, I hope it doesn’t include another season of having him on this show.

I’m not sure why Kathy and Rosie were on this segment of the reunion. Were they cast or not this season? It’s rumored Bravo brought them back when it was clear the new ladies sucked, but tonight it just seemed like they were there to tweak Teresa. Not sure that’s the smartest thing to do to her right now. Does she really look like she can handle it?

Kathy was looking weird. Something about her hair or her makeup had her face looking lopsided. I hope it’s not a real health issue and just a makeup mistake. She’s usually much prettier.

Andy gave her a chance to say something to Tre but her cousin shut that down. She’s done with them. All that “family” crap means nothing when you’re facing a prison sentence and your cousins are discussing it on national television. I know that everybody says it’s her own fault because she did the crime and she opted to be on a reality show, but nowhere does it say that she has to keep liking her cousins after they throw her under the bus like that.

The gist of that family’s take on things is “oh we’re praying for them and it’s so terrible for the little girls and that’s what you get when you break the law and get caught.” True, but it’s gotta hurt hearing it come out of your family’s mouths.

Joe Gorga and Joe Giudice appear in the last minutes of the show. There are a lot of jokes about Joe’s hair and buzz cut. And they showed the clip of when his shoe polish stuff got all over the walls and Juicy during their fight last season.

“It’s almost like that stuff you spray on the lawn,” Juicy jokes, but the two Joes seem okay together.

Andy asks Joe how he’s doing – a predictable but stupid question knowing they just finished filming the post-sentencing interview with him about 48 hours before the reunion.

“If you stick a knife in my right now, I probably wouldn’t feel it,” Juicy says. And he means it.

Joe Gorga starts, at Andy’s invite, to say how much he loves Juicy and his sister, and Tre turns around and says “yeah, we know,” shutting him down rather quickly.

Okay folks – message received from Teresa Giudice loud and clear – she doesn’t want to talk about it. Are we going to spend all of parts 2 and 3 of this reunion going around and around with her staring into space and refusing to participate? God, I hope not.

Moving on…

Sandy Malone is a reality TV star, expert wedding planner, and internationally-syndicated columnist for Conde Nast's BRIDES and The Huffington Post, in addition to Monsters... read more
Sandy Malone

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