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Recap: Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, The Catching Up Edition

real-housewives-of-beverly-hills-season-5-preview-next-on-rhobh-a-wedding-and-a-starBetter late than never, right? I’m sorry folks – I had two weddings last week and this is the first chance I had to watch “Real Housewives of Beverly Hills,” much less blog about it. Although, truth be told, I didn’t miss much.

I predicted last week’s cliffhanger correctly – Yoyo’s youngest daughter Bella got a DUI while her mom was cruising the Med with Kyle’s family. She’d only been on the yacht a day when the call from David came.

“Like I knew something was wrong,” Yolanda said when her home number popped up on the screen. “But I couldn’t even speak because I knew it was something so serious.”

“David told me that Bella had gotten a DUI. I don’t think in 19 years of being a parent that I’ve ever felt that collapsed inside. That overwhelmed inside… I’m so disappointed by her choice.” She never thought Bella would drink and drive. She’s truly a devastated parent. She needs to get on the next flight home.

She had a day of shopping with Kyle and tubing and fun – time to go home and clean up the mess. As any good parent would.

The yacht Kyle and Mauricio have chartered for the week, btw, is fab. Kyle’s super impressed and it looks beautiful. #jealous

Back home, nothing terribly interesting is going on. We learn more about new girl Eileen – she has a hottie hubby who was a teen star (he’s her third husband) and combined, they have three kids still at home. Eileen’s dog appears to be on crack, but otherwise it looks like a normal family.

Obviously, she’s worked very hard for what she’s got – she’s been on TV forever. So I didn’t even feel jealous seeing her amazing home. She earned it. Was interesting to learn she has a mad competitive streak. Wonder how that will mix in with the other Housewives. Not well, I’d imagine.

Lisa has lunch with Lips. That’s what I’m going to call Lisa Rinna from now on. I think BravoTV is fucking with me and these double names. Teresa and Terayza in New Jersey. Tom and Schwartz on PumpRules. It’s annoying. And since the only thing I can look at on Lisa Rinna is her frighteningly over-inflated lips, the nickname works.

Okay so Lisa and Lips are apparently old friends but they rarely get to see each other because they both work constantly and have hideous schedules.

“Lisa Rinna has never been looking for a problem like say some of my other friends. She’s absolutely there and supportive and I love that about her,” Lisa says.

She invites Lips to join her for a big event in Palm Springs, so they go shopping together for it even though “it’s 110 degrees and it’s like two hours away.”

“I have been selected to receive a star on the Walk of Stars in Palm Springs… it’s also about my work with the LGBT community,” Lisa explains. Go Lisa! Had no idea there was more than one Walk of Fame out there.

Lisa and Lips aren’t the only ones shopping, but the other one spending money can’t afford it.

Brandi bought a new car. You know, the lady who can’t afford a long-term home lease or buy a house for her kids? She finally got a check for something she’d done and she blew the wad.

“And it was like a six-figure check, so I got a six-figure car,” Brandi giggles. Way to save! First time she’s ever bought a car without a co-signer. Should I be happy for her or think that’s kinda sad at her age? I’ll vote for pathetic.

“I feel like I’m big pimpin,” Brandi brags. “I’m super excited to pick up my kids at my ex-husband’s house… yeah I got this.” She’s all class.

Apparently, she has a very popular podcast too and we get to watch a meeting where they ask her to do more shows. Who knew there were that many drunk stay-at-home moms interested in listening to her babble? Apologies for the generalization, but who else would watch her? Yuck.

I know this is probably the shortest blog ever, but it’s not because I was too busy to write it by deadline. It’s cuz NOTHING HAPPENED this week. I’m not going to write about Kim’s family having the flue or Giggy doing celebrity events now for alopecia organizations. Just watching means there’s about 30 minutes of my life I can never get back, I’m not going to recap it.

Let’s hope next week is far more interesting – I’d like to see a little more interaction with the new girls and the home team. Brandi hasn’t made an ass of herself with them, yet.

Sandy Malone is a reality TV star, expert wedding planner, and internationally-syndicated columnist for Conde Nast's BRIDES and The Huffington Post, in addition to Monsters... read more
Sandy Malone


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