Sorry to say the second episode of the new season of “Real Housewives of Beverly Hills” was a total snore tonight. The narcolepsy commercials shown in some areas (tweeted about by viewers in New Jersey) was totally appropriate.
The entire episode, basically, is about Brandi being desperate to make friends in the wake of her blow up with Lisa and the fact that she still doesn’t get that her friendship with Lisa and Ken Vanderpump is over, forever. It’s getting pathetic.
She didn’t make herself look any better by dressing up in a wig with Kim to hide in bushes and stalk her ex-boyfriend. Or by skirting the edge of pedophilia with some poor kid production probably hired to move her stuff into the new apartment that production is rumored to be paying for. Hmmm.
“I didn’t plan on sexually harassing my movers, but the boys were cute,” Brandi explains. “And my relationship with JR is complicated.”
JR got back together with his ex and Brandi is past tense. Which is why, obviously, she’s hiding in bushes with Kim watching what he does. Don’t you love when the two least-balanced cast members partner up on secret missions? OMG. PMSL.
“Is it my BFF?” Kim yells while walking to answer the door for Brandi. Her BFF??? What did I miss? Kim’s gotta be off the wagon if she’s rollin’ with Brandi Lushville. Not surprising – birds of a feather flock together.
Brandi brags to Kim about hooking up with her mover guy and she’s got hickeys to prove it. Not surprising since she had a date with a teenager. She likes them young. Actually, he’s 23.
“And they don’t have to take little blue pills to make things happen – it’s kinda hot,” Brandi justified robbing the cradle.
Kim is totally icked out because her son is the same age as the little boy Brandi is molesting. I don’t think Brandi will be invited to family occasions.
“We have a family history of stalking,” Kim explains as she teaches Brandi how to squat and peep on her ex. Brandi’s having a blast.
“The other ladies would rather sit around and polish their diamonds and their gold… you guys know who you are,” Brandi snarks. Ironically, there’s a clip of Lisa shopping for an amazing pink sapphire that I can only dream about during the episode. Aw Brandi, green is a bad color on you. Tamp back the jealousy.
Kim and Brandi are so not discreet getting in the bushes and nobody’s going to notice the cameras on the sidewalk, right? But apparently they didn’t get caught. And they saw him but he was alone.
“We successfully stalked him doing nothing… with nobody,” Brandi brags. “We didn’t really accomplish anything but we did it.” Bet this dude is seriously creeped out when he sees this episode. #ProtectiveOrder
When she’s not stalking people, Brandi is either whining about Lisa or trying to rebuild bridges she burnt with other women last season.
Kyle, always one to stir the pot, calls Brandi to get the scoop on the conversation with Adrienne at the white party when Brandi is on her way to see Adrienne to talk and apologize. Kyle’s in Tahoe where she traveled with her family on their private jet that she bitches about using.
“I do think that Adrienne is owed an apology,” Kyle tells Brandi.
At lunch, it’s weird because you got the feeling that Brandi thought this was a mending of fences and Adrienne Maloof saw it as closure and cutting the cord. I’m guessing Brandi won’t be appearing on her guest lists ever again. But Adrienne was extremely classy in her handling of the big blond mess.
“I just really want to say I’m sorry for everything. I regret what I said. I had no intention of hurting your family,” Brandi tells Adrienne. Then she blames her behavior on being friends with Lisa. Go figure.
Hey Brandi, that’s not the way to mend fences with Lisa! Maybe she’s finally realized she will always be persona non grata with the entire Vanderpump clan now. Is she able to think that clearly? She alluded to Adrienne that she and Lisa were working on things.
“First of all, I don’t hate you… you don’t really think before you speak,” Adrienne accepts Brandi’s apology but doesn’t invite a future friendship. Everybody except Brandi caught that.
“I welcome your apology because I feel like it’s heartfelt,” Adrienne sounds like she’s wanting to accept the apology and move on. Not sure that’s “working things out” the way Brandi thinks it is.
Brandi thinks that now that Adrienne has forgiven her, it’s Lisa’s turn. Bahahaha!
Lisa Rinna is a non-entity again this week with a brief scene meeting with her new wunderkind agent. She’ll take any job for money, including the one she did last year modeling Depends undergarments.
“I got paid more money to do that than I’ve gotten paid to do anything in my life,” Lisa brags. “I’ll do anything to make a buck.” I guess she didn’t invest her “Melrose Place” money very well. Apparently, the adult diaper ad saved her and husband Harry Hamlin’s asses. Can somebody explain that one to me? Shouldn’t they be rolling in it?
Yoyo is in full form in a black negligée, cooking a romantic dinner for her husband David. She’s pouting because their youngest is about to leave for college and David’s got a gig on “The Voice” in Shanghai so he can’t help take Bella to college.
Then Yolanda and Kim hook up to go horseback riding. Since when are they friends? This just keeps getting weirder and weirder. It’s like the network said they had to figure out a way to play together or they’d kill RHOBH and just focus on all future Lisa Vanderpump ventures. Not even kidding. Brandi would have found a TV gig on her friend’s “Celebrity Rehab” show, but the rest of them would have been shit-out-of-luck.
Funny of the night was Kyle talking about making sure Portia doesn’t get spoiled and ruined. You know she’s picturing Milania Giudice when she sees her little girl. Or if she isn’t, the rest of us are.
“I want to make sure Portia stays down to earth and appreciates every little thing that she has,” Kyle explains. But the little girl’s behavior clearly demonstrates Kyle already missed that boat. Kid’s well on the way to being a brat for life. Maybe she and Milania can be roommates at boarding school.
Next week, we see Brandi telling Lisa via phone that she’s not going to kiss her ass… definitely the right approach. Is this entire season going to be the saga of Brandi trying to get Lisa to forgive her? She’s wasting her time. And ours.